Thoughts on the Relationship Between a Man and a Woman
(Minghui.org) I am a young practitioner who recently married. My wife is also a practitioner. I would like to share what I’ve encountered and recently enlightened to.
From Master’s lectures, we know that any tribulation we encounter, whether in our work, daily life, or school, provides an opportunity for us to improve in cultivation. After being with my wife, I realized that my attachment of sentimentality is very strong. Though I tried to restrain myself, I couldn’t control myself when I was with her. My words and tone of voice carried a lot of emotion and feelings for her.
In reality this was not my true self speaking. I did not realize how serious the problem had become and I slacked off in doing the three things. A series of problems ensued. Our car broke down while I was taking my wife for a drive one weekend. I sent forth righteous thoughts and the car started running again. That night, I was not able to access the Minghui website. A few months later, I started to feel discomfort in my body. After several days of studying the Fa and practicing the exercises, I recovered. A couple of months after that, I got into a major car accident and my car was totaled. During this process, I kept wondering if Master was trying to enlighten me that I should not be with my wife. I wasn't able to find an answer until I heard about something that had happened recently.
A young practitioner who played a very important role in a project decided to leave that project to be in a relationship with another practitioner. The young couple were preparing to get married. A couple of days before the wedding, both of them seemed to suffer from serious sickness karma and were hospitalized. One of them was in a coma.
While discussing this matter with another practitioner, I enlightened at my level to the answer to my question: Master wasn’t telling me that I should not be with my wife. On the contrary, I needed to cultivate more diligently with her, try hard to restrain myself, eliminate the interference of sentimentality, do the three things well together, and not slack off. We should look after one another and encourage each other as cultivators. This would come from a cultivator's compassion, rather than ordinary people's sentimentality.
While eliminating sentimentality, we should be 100 percent determined and resolutely look inward. If we are not careful, we might slip into sentimentality. If that happens, we need to improve and harness 120 percent, 150 percent, or even 200 percent of our conviction to constantly remind ourselves, handle our words and actions well, and do the three things well. We need to live up to Master’s compassionate salvation and the expectations of sentient beings.
“With her, forward I’ll strive—together we cultivate” (“Take My Wish,” Hong Yin IV)
“For the salvation of all beingsHe must fulfill his vow to the Creator, saving beings without stopping (“Compassion Greater Than Love”, Hong Yin V)
I’ve started to pay more attention to every little detail and thought. By looking inward, I’ve gradually come to realize that my cultivation is changing for the better and I am able to be more compassionate toward others.
Many other attachments manifest when I am with my wife, in addition to the interference and tests from sentimentality. I am impatient, attached to wanting to eliminate my attachments, and short-tempered. I hold grudges, and I am not calm. I also have a competitive mentality, and I subconsciously want to show off and tell my wife how diligent I am in cultivation and how good I am at my job. I also have the attachment of jealously, and I feel unsettled if I see her doing better than me.
When a couple cultivates together, if they do well in cultivation they both will have achievements, and if they do poorly in cultivation they will destroy themselves. What happened to the two young practitioners is really a pity. From my limited understanding at my level, I think they were taken advantage of by the old forces because they were not living up to their vows and the old forces attempted to take their lives. It is truly heartbreaking.
Cultivation in Dafa is fundamental to our lives. Words cannot describe how beautiful it is to improve in cultivation. It is hard for any sentient being to comprehend Master’s compassion. Practitioners, please be diligent and don’t slack off in cultivation.