Repaying My Karmic Debts
(Minghui.org) I once had a dream: I was confronted by two men; one of whom was going to fight me. In self-defense, I stabbed him three times, and he fell to the ground. I was afraid that he would not die, so I stabbed him four more times. In retaliation, the other man then attacked me, so I killed him too.
Upon awakening, I realized that these two men were my husband and my son. Master Li was compassionately showing me that I had to repay the lives owed. This manifested itself as the financial losses I've had to deal with in this lifetime.
Falling Prey to Loan Sharks
I used to be an elementary school teacher and started practicing Falun Dafa (also called Falun Gong) in June 1998, the year before the onset of the persecution. Because I refused to renounce my practice, my husband was pressured to divorce me, and I was also deprived of work.
To provide for my son, I had no choice but to make a living by selling goods for others, working in factories, and picking corn.
My son practiced cultivation with me since he was a child. After I lost my job, I asked him: “Are you afraid of suffering hardship?” He said: “No! I have both hands and feet, what am I afraid of?” He was 11 years old.
He joined the army after graduating from a secondary technical school in 2005. Unexpectedly, half a month later, the army asked new recruits to sign a statement slandering Falun Dafa.
My son said to his peers: “Falun Dafa is good, it teaches people to live by the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.” His team leader immediately reported it to a superior. My son was sent home, and all his belongings and money were confiscated.
My son left home to find work in the city. I thought he had grown up, so I did not remind him to study the Fa or share his experiences with me. This turned out to be a big mistake, as his shortcomings were exploited by the old forces.
He got into gambling and took out a loan. This left me in anguish. I eventually had to borrow money to repay the loan shark. But he repeatedly made mistakes and kept taking out loans. Finally, he cried out in anguish: “Mother, I'm sorry. I wanted to get money and repay my debts quickly, but I lost another 100,000 yuan on gambling and took out another loan. I'm hopeless now. So you may forget about me.” I was disappointed and desperate. What could I do?
An Opportunity to Look Within
I calmed down, learned from the pain, and searched inward. I begged Master to strengthen me. I realized this happened because I hadn't cultivated well, which allowed the old forces to take advantage of my own loopholes. I found many attachments: jealousy, resentment, suspicion, and vanity. I felt ashamed to find so many attachments.
I was especially not aware of resentment. I was expelled from school and had been depressed for quite a while. I thought: “Look at how easy other's cultivation paths are. They have jobs and don't have to worry about food and clothing. But why was this happening to me?” I didn't follow the standard of a cultivator and didn't cultivate myself well. In addition to my karma, I was economically exploited by the old forces.
When things had reached that point, I had to deal with my resentment. I was shocked! Wasn't that a hidden grievance against Master Li (the founder) and Dafa?
I also realized that it was my fear that made me worry that my son would behave badly. I doubted whether he could change for the better. My resentment, coupled with my selfishness and wanting to achieve consummation blocked me from recognizing the tricks used by the old forces. Those caused my son to make mistakes repeatedly.
I told Master in my heart: “I will no longer be fooled by the old forces.” At the same time, I told the old forces: “Don’t try to ruin my son – he is Master's little disciple. Don't even use my son to drag me down. Even if I have loopholes, you don't deserve to test me and persecute me. I'm Li Hongzhi's disciple, I don't accept any other arrangements and only follow the cultivation path arranged by Him.”
After I looked inward, everything turned around. My son changed suddenly. He called and said: “Mother, I was wrong. I will never gamble again. Please send me the MP3 with Master's Fa teachings.”
With the help of my relatives and friends, we repaid the loans, and my son stopped gambling. Once he received his salary, he repaid his debt to me.
Through this incident, I realized that the tribulations encountered by cultivators are not accidental, but are caused by our attachments. After my son had problems, I treated it with a human heart, and the tribulation became more and more serious. Cultivation is not a child's game.
Looking Back on My Dream
When repaying my son's loans, my resentment towards him sometimes bothered me. I told him, “Every time I get my salary, I use it to pay off your loans. My clothes are secondhand from fellow practitioners. If you didn't gamble, how could we owe so much money?” I felt terrible! Master saw that I didn't realize the root of the problem and gave me the dream.
I also understood that the other man in the dream represented my husband. Before I practiced Dafa, my husband was an accountant. He also took out loans and kept the money for himself. I had to borrow money to pay off his debts. After I realized that I had karmic debts, I immediately let go of my grievances, resentment, and anger. There is nothing left now except my gratitude to Master.
These incidents helped me to cultivate. I now use the Fa to measure every thought I have and eliminate any unrighteous elements. Everything I do is according to Master's requirements. I think about others first in doing things. When conflicts occur, I look inward, find my attachments, and eliminate them.
Just like Master said: “For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”) I now communicate openly with my son. He also has righteous thoughts and believes in Master and the Fa.
I started to repay the money I owed to my relatives in 2019. They all said: “Forget it. When I lent you the money, I didn't expect you to pay me back.” I said: “That won't work. It's not easy for you to make money. Master told us that we should consider others first. If I did not practice Dafa, I might not return the money. The money must be paid back!”