Letting Go of “What I Want”
(Minghui.org) For some time, fellow practitioners around me have behaved in a manner that I consider to not be in keeping with the Fa. They chatter on disrespectfully while listening to Master's teachings, cling to the NTDTV programs, and even mix TV host's truth-telling trivia information into their own cultivation. I often pointed out such things to them, but their behavior did not change. I began to look within, and found that I always used my own standards when demanding others to change. Sometimes I thought that if I let go, fellow practitioners would change. But when I let go, they didn't change and seemed to become worse. I was confused and realized that I had not dug deep enough to find out what was wrong with me.
One day I read an article on the Minghui website which said some practitioners have put down their ordinary human interests, but they have not put aside the interests of cultivation. Therefore, they are attached to attaining mighty virtue, fruit status and consummation. I felt that I was exactly like that. During my cultivation I have let go of almost everything that is common among everyday people. However, I value the mighty virtue, attainment status, and consummation of my own cultivation very seriously. I hoped to cultivate to a high status and establish great mighty virtue, and that my cultivation would be extraordinary and pivotal among fellow practitioners. I realized my attachments.
What is behind these attachments? At this time a thought came into my mind: “What I want!” I was taken aback. I seemed to understand a lot in an instant, some bad things fell away, and then a door seemed to be opened. Think about it carefully, there is one thing behind all my attachments, and that is “what I want”.
I kept saying I will harmonize with what Master wants, but now I see that it was just a slogan. If I have not let go of “what I want,” how can I be truly pure to harmonize with what Master wants? It sounds like a joke.
Everything about my future, the mighty virtue, fruit status, and consummation are all arranged by Master according to the needs of Fa-rectification and the future. How can I, with my superficial and limited understanding of Master's Fa-rectification, understand everything that Master has arranged from the perspective of the entire Fa-rectification and the needs of the future! I was unaware of the arrogance of wanting this and that, and now I think I was really too self-conscious and didn't know what I was doing. Everything about oneself in the future will be the reward bestowed by Master for each individual life.
I remembered that when I went to Beijing to safeguard Dafa, the police asked me, “Do you know how high a level you are at right now?” I replied with what I then called rationality, “I don't want to think of my level, everything is arranged by my Master, and I will go to whatever level Master wants me to be at.” Then the policeman stopped asking me any more questions. Now thinking about my answer back then, on the surface it sounded grand and lofty, but my thought was, “I don't ask for it, I just need to cultivate well, my level will not be low, I may be at a high level already.” Isn't this just another manifestation of being attached to “what I want”?
I now realize that to truly cultivate in Falun Dafa, we must let go of, “what I want”, “my mighty virtue”, “my level”, and “my consummation”. In cultivation we have to let go of the attachment to outcome and the end time, and even the thought that “as long as I cultivate well, let go of everything I want, I'll have what I deserve.” My current understanding of the inaction state of cultivation is to purely cultivate in accordance with Dafa, validate the Fa and save sentient beings without thinking about the end or outcome, and make this mentality a normal state of our cultivation, and achieve what Master said:
“Gong cultivation has a way, the heart is the pathDafa has no bounds, hardship serves as the ferry” (“Falun Dafa,” Hong Yin)
After I realized this, when sending forth righteous thoughts at noon that day, I felt that true compassion is the powerful and boundless pure energy that Dafa manifests in practitioners after they let go of what is wanted. The compassion I had previously realized was with the impure “what I want”, which is just a human perception of compassion.
The concept of “what I want” also causes Dafa disciples' attachments to the end time, the performances of the evil Party and the changing situations in the world. In fact, all these things are happening with the progress of the Fa-rectification process, and Master is in control. Only when we let go of “what I want” can we be truly compassionate, truly assist Master in the Fa-rectification to save others, and fulfill the historic mission of Dafa disciples.
At this point in my writing, I remembered a puzzling experience I had in the past. In 2000 when I went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa and was detained, I was able to escape from the detention center with righteous thoughts. At that time I really felt that my body was extremely tall and the buildings in Beijing were like little matchboxes at my feet, a state that didn't disappear until I left Beijing. When I returned to my relatives' home, I felt that I was not an ordinary being and I seemed to have no connection or affection with the world.
When I clarified the truth, I felt like a switch in my brain had been turned on, and the wisdom of the truth flowed out like spring water. Every sentence was the truth. Every word and sentence touched people's hearts. All the cases and stories of ancient and present, domestic and foreign, were like an ocean of resources for me to choose and use at will. I was no longer restricted by any human thinking. It could be said that thinking became a form without human thoughts. When I was clarifying the truth to people, I saw countless little Faluns (law wheels) fly out of my mouth and land on the other person, and my fingers were numb as if discharging energy. These people spoke of reactions; their bodies felt either very comfortable or as if being electrified, and they were very receptive to the facts of Falun Dafa. When I finished telling the truth, I felt that switch in my brain turn off. My brain was empty and I couldn't find a word to say no matter how hard I tried.
At those times I always felt I was in a state of no emotion and no compassion. After letting go of “what I want”, I realized that my previous understanding of compassion was actually a human understanding born of emotion, which at best was just an expression of human kindness. The state I now experienced was a state of true compassion.
I now know that to look down on others, and to hold them to my own standards, is to cling to what I want. Now, having let go of the “what I want” concept, I see fellow practitioners' behaviors that I once thought were not in line with the Fa very differently. I understand that everything is under Master's control, and that everything is the state and manifestation of Dafa disciples' cultivation and Master's Fa-rectification. My mind is very calm and those unrighteous behaviors of others no longer disturb my harmonious state. I know that I have really let go. All that remains is to continue to look within and cultivate myself, and treat others with compassion.