Immersed in the Fa: Studying the Fa with a Focused Mind
(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997, at the age of 14. It has been over two decades. My third eye is open, and I can see scenes in other dimensions.
Last year (2019) I slacked off in Fa study and did not do the three things well for almost half a year. Twice in my dreams in October, I saw light filtering in through the door of my room as well as from the rooftop, as if through a sieve. I reflected on what I had done wrong upon waking up because I felt that the dream was a hint that I had omissions.
Searching for Fundamental Problems
When I read Master Li Hongzhi’s teachings, I wasn’t able to grasp what I was reading, unlike in the past. I persisted, reading slowly, paragraph by paragraph. I was able to focus a bit better. I still had a lot of random thoughts, but continued to dismiss them.
After reading for two hours, I still couldn’t find where I had gone wrong, which made me frustrated and irritable. After all, I had never experienced something like this before. I became very anxious. I warned myself: “I can’t go on like this. Let things come naturally. It’s all right if I cannot find my attachments at once. Let go of the urge to find the problem. Study the Fa calmly without any pursuit.”
I put aside everything else and used all my spare time to study the Fa. Besides reading one to two lectures in Zhuan Falun every day, I started to read other Dafa books from the beginning. I studied for four to five hours daily. At times, it took me four hours to read a lecture in Zhuan Falun, because I was so distracted, and I had to read very slowly to ensure the quality of my study.
I studied the Fa like that for 29 days. I found many attachments and my mind became quieter. However, I still could not find the fundamental problem.
After 31 days, in the afternoon, while sharing cultivation insights with another practitioner, I saw Master’s law body looking sternly at me after I said something. I realized that I must have said something inappropriate. I recalled what I just said. I was governed by arrogance – I was shocked by how opinionated I was. It was very strong, too. Why didn’t I realize I had this attachment?
I felt better having found the problem. With Master’s guidance, I finally found my human notions and got rid of them. Subsequently, whenever I had the urge to show off or think highly of myself, I would reject these thoughts.
Discovering Bad Thoughts
However, within two to three days, foul thoughts such as jealousy, gossip, conceit, scheming, showing off, and others, began to pop up in my mind and tried to dominate my actions. When I told other practitioners what I was going through, they concluded it was thought karma. But, I wasn’t so sure about it because these thoughts were so strong, it was different from the thought karma I'd experienced in the past. I felt as if these thoughts came from deep within me!
Regardless of whether it was thought karma or not, I rejected them whenever they appeared. I kept strengthening my main consciousness at the same time.
Four days later as I boarded a bus, another bad thought appeared in my mind. I felt that it arose from a layer deep within my body. Although I was moving, it made my body freeze in an instant. It controlled my actions. In a split second, I was alerted to its presence. “No, this is not simply thought karma. It is a layer of my body that is against the principles of Dafa.”
I was conscious that these bad thoughts had a physical existence but I did not know where they came from.
Because these thoughts had the ability to control my body, I became worried. I assured myself: “Don’t be afraid. Study the Fa with a calm mind. Be in control of your main consciousness. There must be a way to resolve this.”
That night, there was a power outage at my place. I lit a candle and studied the Fa. Not long after, inappropriate thoughts such as jealousy, gossip, conceit and so on emerged again. After I strongly repelled them, a shocking scene appeared.
Because the room was quite dark, I could clearly see a strip of light starting from a spot near my heart moving along in a circle and ending at the starting point. In the dark night, this enclosed area inside my body was like an advertising sign with LED lights. It appeared in front of my eyes completely unobstructed. It disappeared after lighting up for a few seconds.
I lowered my head and stared blankly at the illuminated part of my body. I clearly saw these bad thoughts at last. I realized that selfishness formed this layer of my body. Conceit was a part of this body that is egocentric. When I tried to get rid of this arrogance, I dug out this part of my body hidden within, which represented my ego. The bad thoughts I’d been having recently came from this layer of body. When did I have such strong thoughts of selfishness? I was astonished and confused.
From that day onward, I conscientiously felt this layer of the body moving towards the surface. It expanded one to two centimeters outwards every day. As it kept moving toward the outside, various bad thoughts such as jealousy, arrogance, showing off and so on became even stronger in my mind. It made it harder for me to distinguish my real thoughts, but I knew for sure these bad thoughts were not me.
At the same time, I studied the Fa even more steadfastly. I tried my best to dispel these foreign thoughts. I knew that when this layer of body was pushed to the surface, I would suffer more and be easily influenced by it. In the meantime, I tried many ways to suppress it, but with little effect.
Battling and Trying to Eliminate Bad Thoughts
“No matter what happens,” I said to myself, “my main consciousness must be strong. I will not be controlled by these bad thoughts. I will be fine as long as I have Dafa.” Three days later, this layer of my body reached the outermost layer of my body. At the same time, these bad thoughts tried to manipulate my thoughts and behavior even more strongly.
Because it was at the most outer layer, all my thoughts had to go through this layer of my body. Consequently, any thoughts became tainted. For example, I went out to eat sushi with a friend. There were two pieces of sushi on a plate. One of them had two more pieces of corn in it. My first thought was: “I want to eat the one that has more corn in it!” Almost involuntarily, my chopsticks reached out to pick up the piece with more corn and put it into my mouth. I only realized I had acted on this bad thought after I ate the sushi.
In another instance, when I got home and as I was changing my shoes in the living room, I heard footsteps on the stairway outside my apartment. Under normal circumstances, I would not have paid any attention. But due to this layer of my body, I subconsciously looked out the peephole to see who was there. I had this thought in mind: “See if I can catch someone doing something wrong!” This is absolutely something I wouldn’t do or think of under normal circumstances.
The two examples I gave above may appear funny, but I was truly astonished when they happened. All these various manifestations proved that they were not my real thoughts. I don’t have such foul thoughts in my true nature. Yet since they appeared in my body, I felt that they must have something to do with me. I needed to find the source of this layer of my body.
The above two instances where I acted in spite of myself put me on the alert to all thoughts that pop up in my mind. Later on, whenever I detected any bad thoughts, I would resist it with my main consciousness. For example, if a thought wanted me to do something, I would act after rationally and soberly, measuring it against the standards of Dafa. I would also expose these bad thoughts by talking about it to practitioners and friends as a joke.
Simultaneously, this body that acts purely for self interest would try its very best to stop me from telling others about these bad thoughts. Just like my attachments, it attempts to control me and does not want me to get rid of it. This made me even more certain that it is not me.
However, there are times when I can hardly distinguish whether it is me or not, because this layer of my body has exactly the same structure as my brain. When it sends out a bad thought, it can easily merge with my brain, and it is constantly guiding my thoughts. “It’s not right. I must reject it. It is so bad, it must not be me,” I constantly reminded and warned myself. I suppressed these thoughts when I studied the Fa. It was taking me four hours to finish reading one lecture. It was exhausting but I knew I must persist. I dared not relax.
While studying the Fa, I suddenly had this thought: “This test is quite unique. I should publish this on Minghui.” This layer of my body trembled in fear at once. This layer of my body said to me nervously, “If she publishes this on the Minghui website, then everyone will know how harmful I am.”
As I was engrossed in studying the Fa, I did not immediately react to the above thought. I only realized what I'd just thought after reading another paragraph: “Why would it say things like that? Is it afraid of being exposed? Because it is very likely that it is sabotaging others. Perhaps this problem I have is quite quintessential. I should write about my experience and send it to Minghui, so that more practitioners are aware of it.” It was even more scared after hearing what I said. It rapidly contracted like a deflated balloon in my body and was reduced to its previous size. Furthermore, it stopped interfering with me as strongly as before.
It was quiet for two days. On the third day, this layer of my body made another attempt to control me again as I was studying the Fa. I said to Master, “What’s the matter with me? I have tried so hard to dispel it. Why does it seem impossible to get rid of it?” At this moment, I saw Master’s law body behind every character in the book. Master’s law body looked at the sentences in the book, and then looked at me. I understood that Master was telling me to acknowledge its presence.
I was dumbfounded. Recognize it? I studied the Fa without daring to slack off the slightest, because I knew that if I allowed myself to take it easy, it would not be difficult for it to control me, and it would make me do bad things because it has the same composition as my brain. I replied, “Master, if I acknowledge it, what if something goes wrong? I am scared.” Just then, the four characters “Falun Dafa” emitted a strong golden light.
“That’s right, Master is telling me, this Fa is so boundless, what is there to be afraid of?” Master said:
“I also want to tell you that your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness. From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism. So from now on, whatever you do or whatever you say, you must consider others—or even future generations—along with Dafa’s eternal stability. (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
I realized that beings in the old universe are selfish, and they are a part of our body. They encompass a lot of attachments, but we will eventually eliminate them during cultivation, and reach the standard of selflessness required by the new universe. However, selfishness is a living being and it had formed a layer in my body. When I tried to get rid of it, it frantically tried to interfere and control me. My abnormal behavior over the past few days was a counterattack by these living beings.
I let go of my strong urge to suppress this layer of my body, and continued to study the Fa. I told myself continuously: “The Fa is enormous, I am not afraid.” My mind calmed down all of a sudden. In the past, I was scared when facing problems, and due to this fear, I unwittingly built a protective wall around this layer of my body. This wall was taken down as I let go of my fear.
As I continued to read the teachings, a powerful energy that was warm and compassionate emanated from the Fa. I forgot about my existence, and it made me want to immerse myself in the Fa. As the wall disappeared completely, I let go of all my mental burdens at last.
I will never forget what happened next. I read Zhuan Falun, but I felt as if I was transformed into a golden light. I darted into the shining book unfettered. My body, thoughts, and all physical existence became one with the golden book Zhuan Falun. Every cell in my body was rectified. It was as if I had disappeared. I cannot remember where my body had gone. However, I was distinctly aware that I was melting into the Fa. In that instant, I became a particle within the Fa. That feeling was so real and amazing.
I was in this state for a while before the golden light my body had transformed into moved out of Zhuan Falun, and returned to my physical body. I touched my arm in awe. So that’s what it means to be immersed in the Fa. I continued to study the Fa.
I experienced another extraordinary and notable phenomenon. To my surprise, I floated in the vast universe. Stars glittered in the immense, dark blue cosmos. Stunned, I thought it was an illusion. I adjusted my state of mind and with this thought, I quickly returned to my body. Yet, as I concentrated on studying the Fa, I was back in the vast universe again.
It was splendid and somewhat novel. I told myself: “Stay calm no matter what happens. Keep studying the Fa tranquilly.”
As I progressed, every character appeared in the universe shining in gold. Set off against the dark blue cosmos, the beauty of the glittering characters in front of me was unparalleled. This phenomenon lasted for a while.
I returned to this dimension once again. By this time, the words in Zhuan Falun that were initially flat turned into a three-dimensional world, visually displaying images that were real and in 3-D. Two divine beings appeared first. One was dressed like a Tao, the other dressed like a Buddha. They spoke to me, but I was alerted when I realized what they said was not in line with the teachings of the Fa. I told them, “What you said is not right! It is not in accordance with my Master’s Fa.” They looked at each other, laughed, and nodded at me in agreement.
I thought to myself, “I used to have the habit of regarding everything I see as real. The Fa is reminding me, regardless of what I see, I must weigh it against the Fa.”
I went on reading another five, six sentences. A principle I once followed in my youth emerged from my dimension and covered the glittering words in the book. I was taken aback. A principle I once held true has overshadowed Master’s Fa? How can it be? I then realized: “That’s right. I once used this principle to guide me in some matters. However I am a Dafa disciple. I should take the Fa as teacher. How can I be attached to my own things?” When I was clear on this point, the criterion I once adopted in conducting myself was removed, and the Fa appeared again.
Since I dug out my selfish thoughts, they were not able to influence me as strongly as before. Occasionally, thoughts that deviated from the Fa popped up and disturbed me when studying the Fa. I seized them at once and eliminated them. Because I know that this selfishness still exists in my body, when I study the Fa or in my daily life, I pay special attention to my actions and thoughts, and look out for things that are egoistic.
This experience has taught me that all interference does not happen without a reason. Simply looking for external factors, denying and suppressing them will not solve the fundamental problem. One must look within and find out why one encountered disruptions. There must be an attachment one is not aware of behind it.
Before I discovered my arrogance, I did not touch on selfishness when I was getting rid of attachments in the past. Neither was I aware that it existed. When I discovered and wanted to get rid of it, it was afraid of extermination and jumped out to attack me ferociously. Through studying the Fa and eliminating my attachments, this selfishness was continually weakened by the Fa. At the same time, I grabbed and destroyed it whenever it appeared.
All these problems will be resolved if one studies the Fa with a focused mind and immerses oneself in the Fa teachings.