(Minghui.org) Greetings esteemed Master, and fellow practitioners!
It has been four years since I started to practice Falun Dafa. From studying and exercising at home with my husband, also a practitioner, I also participate in group Fa study, Fa-validation activities, and media projects. In the process, I have encountered many xinxing tests. Sometimes I get frustrated for not overcoming the xinxing tests and feel that there is never enough time.
Looking Within
After I stepped on the cultivation path, I learned from fellow practitioners that we need to search within to find our human notions and attachments, and then get rid of them, layer by layer, as if peeling an onion. We have to cultivate our thoughts and notions. I was lost, as I did not know how to find these attachments. I didn’t know how to look for them. I felt cultivation was all too difficult, as I could not even identify my problems – how was I to cultivate? Sometimes, I questioned if Master Li (the founder) was ignoring me, and why have I not encountered any trials that other practitioners have mentioned? Could it be that I am not good enough, and don’t even qualify to be tested?
I came across the Minghui website by chance and read about the sharing of many mainland practitioners who are cultivating very well, despite being in such a harsh environment. Many of their touching stories made me weep. They are amazing. Gradually, I came to understand that our thoughts and notions must be aligned with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
Master said,
“This characteristic, Zhen-Shan-Ren, is the criterion for measuring good and bad in the universe. What’s good or bad? It is judged by this.”
“No matter how the human moral standard changes, this characteristic of the universe remains unchanged, and it is the sole criterion that distinguishes good people from bad people.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
My husband is a coordinator of a Dafa project that I am involved in, and I would cooperate with him. Once, we quarreled over a project. I thought his idea was wrong and didn't align with Dafa, and mentioned it to him. He said that I did not cooperate with him and threw him a wet blanket. He was furious and said, “You are compassionate and can cooperate unconditionally with other practitioners. Why do you judge my ideas, and do not cooperate with me?” I didn’t feel I was wrong, as fellow practitioners, we should share if we are of a different opinion, it doesn’t mean that he is always correct. I suddenly recalled that I am a cultivator; I need to align myself to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I endured and didn’t argue, but I could not hold back my tears.
Master said,
“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?,” Essentials for further advancement)
Although I endured, it was not a cultivator’s endurance.
After the incident, I calmed down and thought about it: Why was I angry? Why do I feel wronged? Why did I feel his idea was wrong? Why do I always have a different opinion? Firstly, I was trying to show off, and secondly, it was due to jealousy.
Master said,
“...for if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people’s minds will feel uneasy.”
“The issue of jealousy is very serious as it directly involves the matter of whether you can complete cultivation practice. If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit—absolutely not.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
In fact, my husband and I are a team. If we cannot cooperate well, will it not affect the whole project? Since then, I have cooperated with my husband on projects.
Indoctrinated by the CCP
My regular job has three rotating shifts and irregular breaks. Therefore I did not participate in media-related projects. The media project manager has approached me several times and asked if I would like to participate in the media project. Although I wanted to participate, I was concerned that I could not cooperate well due to my time constraints, and delay the Dafa-validation projects, so I declined the offer.
Master has mentioned many times that Dafa disciples have to walk their own path, some practitioners are involved in media projects, other practitioners clarify the truth online, and some practitioners persist on face-to-face truth clarification at tourist sites throughout the year. This question has been lingering in my mind.
The person in charge of the media project approached me again: “We have set up a group for uploading articles online,” he said. “You can work from home on a computer, and the time is flexible. If you have time, you can do it. If you are busy at work, you can put it on hold. You can attempt learning it first; I could ask the group leader to train you. As long as you know how to use a computer, you will pick it up very quickly.” I agreed. Master must have heard my inner voice, and showed me a path that I could take. Thank you, Master, for not giving up on a poor student like me.
I am not very proficient in computers, picking up was not as easy as I thought. Under the patient guidance of fellow practitioners, I learned how to upload articles. In order to save time, I didn’t pay attention to the details and did not follow the instructions of the team leader. I thought that as long as the articles could be uploaded, it was good enough. Readers wouldn’t read it so carefully.
Shortly after that, the group leader politely pointed out that I didn’t follow the details as required. I blushed with embarrassment. I calmed down and looked within. I asked myself, “How can I take things so lightly? This is a Dafa project! Aren’t I messing around? Isn't this an issue of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) indoctrination?” Given this incident, I realized that I was still beholden to the CCP indoctrination, and it was deeply entrenched in my thoughts. I can now better understand the importance of media projects. Recently, I also joined the video production group. I understood the compassion and greatness of Master, giving disciples' opportunities to find their own path. Thank you Master for your compassion.
Sickness Karma: Master was Beside Me
I do not have major health issues. Occasionally, I have headaches which are accompanied by nausea and diarrhea. I am very certain that Master is helping me eliminate karma. I had epilepsy after a traumatic experience when I was young, and it didn’t stop until I was in high school. Isn’t that a disease in my head? Master is helping me eliminate my karma!
During the rehearsal of Shen Yun’s promotion meeting, I suddenly had a headache, but as I had to take the minutes, I could not leave. It still hurt after sending righteous thoughts. I recited Lunyu, but the pain did not subside and worsened. I started to feel nausea, but it was still bearable. At this moment, it was 6 o’clock; time to send righteous thoughts. I calmed down and asked Master to strengthen his disciple. At that instant, I felt a surge of heat flowing from my head, and immediately my headache disappeared. It was the first time I experienced the energy flow. I know that Master is right beside me. Thank you Master for your compassionate protection!
Master said,
“As divine beings see it, anyone who can resist the mighty current that is pulling this world down and stand his ground is really something. Anyone who is unaffected by it is really exceptional! And yet Dafa disciples are not just unswayed by it all, but moreover, are going against the tide!” (“2018 Fa Teaching Given in Washington, D.C.”)
Thank you Master, and thank you fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2019 Singapore Fa Conference)
