Looking Inside, Removing Attachments, and Breaking Through Tribulations
(Minghui.org) I am an elderly practitioner who started practicing cultivation in 1996. I have made it through these 23 years of cultivation thanks to Master’s merciful protection. During the journey, I was overjoyed after elevating in the Fa, reluctant when letting go of human attachments, and moreover, being tempered by an eight-month-long bought with sickness karma.
I wouldn’t have made it through without Master’s protection. Words can’t describe my gratitude to Master. I can only advance more and more diligently to pay back Master’s salvation.
I went to Arizona State University one day in early October 2017 to collect signatures for a petition condemning the persecution. About 140 people signed my petition. I felt a little dizzy and my legs were weak, so I decided to stay home the next day to study the Fa and adjust my cultivation state. But by doing that I had unknowingly acknowledged the old forces’ arrangements.
The next day, I started vomiting and couldn’t eat or drink anything. I had to walk with my hands on the wall for support, and when I fell, I couldn’t get up. I felt as if something was on my chest and I was having difficulty breathing.
My body had no strength at all, and I lost a lot of weight, to the point that I looked frightening. I lost almost all my hair. There were five times when I felt extremely cold and was still shivering under six comforters. This lasted at least 40 minutes each time, and when it was over, the bottom layer of the comforter was soaked in sweat. My legs were swollen, too, and I had trouble putting on clothes and shoes.
I continued studying the Fa and doing the exercises with the group online. I often dozed off during the meditation however, and my hand fell while sending forth righteous thoughts. In addition, I couldn’t absorb the Fa in my heart. Aside from all this, I was constantly hearing noises, and negative thoughts often popped up in my mind.
I had sudden blurry vision in my right eye one morning, and everything I saw appeared dark in the center. The old forces were staring at me like a tiger and trying everything they could to persecute me. My eldest son, who is also a practitioner, said, “You were perfectly OK. Why did you suddenly become like this?” In my family’s eyes, my life was in imminent peril.
I hadn’t taken a single pill since I started cultivation, yet I was helpless amidst the persecution of false sickness karma. But I did not feel any danger. I had a very firm thought, “I have Master. I will be OK.”
My false sickness karma put my family under great pressure. Three times they tried to take me to the hospital. I told them, “The hospital cannot treat a spiritual being's illnesses. Putting me in the hospital is condemning me to death.”
Seeing my steadfastness, our benevolent Master helped me wake up from numbness and helplessness.
I realized that I had a large loophole in my cultivation that the old forces were taking advantage of. I erected my right palm and told the old forces, “I am a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple, a particle of Falun Dafa. My Master has removed my name from hell’s list. I am a Dafa disciple assimilating to the characteristic of the cosmos: Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.”
“Birth, old age, illness, and death of the old cosmos have nothing to do with me; all the gods, old forces and principles of the old cosmos are not worthy of restraining me or controlling me. Even if I signed some agreements with the old forces when I was descending to the earth, I am now completely negating them and proclaim them as null and void. Even if I have big loopholes, you are not allowed to persecute me. Falun Gong is in charge of me, and my Master is in charge of everything of mine.”
“Everything unrighteous in myself will be rectified by Dafa. You, the old forces, are bound to be eliminated. How big a sin have you committed to interfere with my Master’s Fa-rectification process and relentlessly persecute Dafa disciples? My Master and the layers upon layers of righteous gods in the cosmos will not forgive you, and will destroy you.”
I then burned incense for Master, knelt down in front of his portrait, and said, “Master, please help me. I cannot die and will not die because I have not completed my mission. I haven’t finished saving the sentient beings I was supposed to save. I believe in Master and I believe in Dafa. I am handing my life over to you and will follow your arrangements.”
At this time, Master Fa was imprinted in my mind,
“Didn’t I say at the beginning of the persecution that just by staying unmoved you would be able to handle all situations?” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference”)
Practitioners in our area started putting up Shen Yun posters in late October. Some fellow practitioners shared with me and we all agreed that I should step out to help promote Shen Yun, even if I had only one breath left. At the very least, I would be helping to save people by staying in the car and sending forth righteous thoughts.
Under Master’s strengthening, I walked out of my house. My legs were stiff, my steps were uneven, and I couldn’t climb even a small step. One day, I fell on my back and bumped the back of my head.
Amazingly, as soon as I told various store owners about Shen Yun, most of them allowed me to put up a Shen Yun poster in their store. Even though I could not put up as many posters as my fellow practitioners did, I put up a decent amount. This was Master’s encouragement to me!
I later started having a constant nosebleed, and my body weakened as a result. Some practitioners said, “You’re bleeding so badly, you don’t have to go out.” I was not scared by the condition, and continued going out every day to promote Shen Yun.
All kinds of false sickness karma episodes like this repeatedly occurred, and continued for eight months. I sometimes felt that I had reached my limit, and felt like all my organs were failing. I constantly asked Master, “Please help me Master! Please help me!”
I wouldn’t be here today if Master hadn’t bared the hardship for me. I did not know where my problem was. I begged Master to give me a hint, and I started looking inside conscientiously.
My eldest son’s wife gave birth to her fourth daughter on May 18, 2017, and on that day, she sent her other three daughters to live with me for 80 days. I had to wash the children’s clothes and bathe them every day besides making food for the entire family.
Even with help from within the family, I still felt exhausted and couldn’t do the three things asked of practitioners well. My mind was full of everyday people’s matters and my xinxing stagnated. I harbored very strong opinions, and was self-centered, competitive, and fickle-minded. I had no compassion or forbearance. I was full of complaints, and the Party culture in me was on full display. That was one of the big loopholes I had.
Then, prior to May 2017, my husband and I volunteered to sort food and do cleaning at the community center two mornings per week. The center offered food to people for free, and I often took some home like an everyday person, and even shared it with my fellow practitioners. Going after petty advantages was a true manifestation of my greed and attachment to personal gain.
As the first born child among five siblings, I was diligent and sensible at a young age. Because our parents often fought with each other, I started shouldering the responsibilities of taking care of my siblings when I was ten years old, by washing their clothes and bedding.
My siblings still come to me, even now, as soon as something pops up, and everyday people’s troublesome matters keep pouring into my ears. With nosiness, vanity, and the showoff mentality, I have been tangled and burned by my affection for family.
When I was living in China, my younger brother and I used to co-own four trucks, one of which was managed by my husband. For ten years, conflicts constantly popped up between my brother and my husband, with me sandwiched in the middle.
Whenever the truck was involved in an accident, my husband hid behind the competitive me, leaving me to handle things. I was extremely upset about this, and over time, I brewed resentment toward him.
Moreover, I have found many attachments, including a competitive mentality, suspicion, guarding myself, fear, lust, looking down upon others, attachment to others’ attachments, craving for greatness and success, jealousy, fondness of praise, attachment to self, and wanting to change others without changing myself.
I knelt down in front of Master’s picture and said, “Master, all of these human thoughts are not me. They were imposed on me by the old forces. I do not acknowledge them, I do not want them. Please strengthen me to completely annihilate these human attachments and low level thoughts, and make them disappear.”
Magically, I immediately felt that my body became light and clear! With a lot of quality Fa study and memorization, I practiced the exercises with a calm mind, and increased my intensity of sending forth righteous thoughts. My mind became simpler and cleaner without my knowing it.
After making it through, I greatly cherish the time Master has extended with great endurance, for disciples to save people. I will make sure to let go of my self, cooperate with the one body, and do the things a Dafa disciple should do well.
With genuine, steadfast belief in Master, there is no fire mountain we cannot pass!
“Whatever you experience during your cultivation—whether good or bad—is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating.” (“To the Chicago Fa Conference,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III)
After eight months of heart-wrenching, agonizing tempering, Master has beaten the old forces at their own game and cleansed my mind and body, and made me more energetic than before. I now have a full head of black hair. Not only has my vision been restored, but I have also gotten rid of my glasses.
I am no longer argumentative and loud with my husband. I am instead full of respect for him. My siblings witnessed that I recovered so soon without getting any treatment or going to the hospital. They praised Dafa’s wonderfulness and Master’s greatness. Everyone in my family was grateful to Master for saving my life!
I am extremely grateful to Master for giving me a second life. I thank the three practitioners from New York who shared their understandings with me and sent forth righteous thoughts to help me overcome the difficulties, and I thank the three family members for taking care of me with such great care.
I am now bathed in Buddha’s light, and have teamed up with my husband to go to Arizona State University to display truth-clarification posters and save the students from China. Once again, I’m kowtowing to Master for His merciful salvation!