Don’t Forget Why You Are Cultivating
(Minghui.org) I met my wife 20 years ago and we have been married for more than a decade. I obtained the Fa not long after I got married, and as a result I stopped smoking, going to bars, playing Mahjong, and other bad habits. My wife was amazed at how Dafa changed me. Since I started cultivating, numerous tribulations have appeared in order to test me. Whenever I came home from Fa study or validating Dafa, my wife would argue with me and sometimes even threatened to divorce me. I told her jokingly that nobody I knew got divorced right after they got married. The situation was just as Master said:
“But as soon as you practice he erupts. In some cases it has reached the point where couples have even considered divorce.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I always tried my best to think about how I could take care of my family and simultaneously save people and cultivate myself. Sometimes when I was not diligent or was selfish, the tribulation would be great. I constantly reminded myself not to ask too much of my wife, but to instead put myself in her shoes.
Several years later, my wife told me that she wanted to start cultivating. She even came with me to other countries to let people know about Dafa and clarify the truth to people. I still remember what she wrote in her experience sharing article: “When I first attended group Fa-study, we always went to shop or to eat afterwards. My husband always said that no matter how much we have in this world, nothing is more precious than Dafa.”
However, because she didn’t have a solid understanding of the Fa or was motivated by some kind of attachment, she had a hard time when challenges came. She once got into a conflict with another practitioner and decided to quit cultivating. Later, I learned that the reason she wanted to cultivate was to be with me more often.
Our relationship was stable for the next couple of years. Even though I had tons of chores, Fa validation projects, and my ordinary job, I tried my best to balance them all and tried not to let my wife worry too much. I tried to look within whenever I encountered any challenges. However, it wasn’t always easy. There were two particular events that really made her furious.
One night when I was loudly clarifying the truth on the phone to people in Mainland China, unbeknownst to me my wife had already gone to bed. She was furious when she woke up, and she turned the volume of the TV up really high. She told me that the walls are really thin and my voice easily penetrated them. I tried to apologize to her. After that I went and sat in the car to clarify the truth on the phone if it was late at night.
The second incident with my wife was when I went to Hong Kong for a Dafa parade. She was traveling abroad at the time, and I didn’t tell her that I was going to Hong Kong. Just as I arrived at the airport, she called and wanted me to take a picture of an item at home. I didn’t want to tell her I was traveling to Hong Kong, so I told her that I was in Taichung (a city in Taiwan) for an experience sharing conference and that I would take a picture when I got home.
Several days after I returned to Taiwan, my wife was looking for some documents and went through my drawers. She saw the ticket stub to Hong Kong and started a fight with me. I realized that I shouldn’t have lied even though I had gone to Hong Kong for a good reason.
Over the past two years, my wife dedicated all her efforts and all our savings to her business. It was really tough, especially since we didn’t have any experience or network, and we both had other jobs. I didn’t want her to run her own business, but I figured since we were a couple we could deal with the hardship together.
Lin is my wife’s business partner, and he helped her with the operations and sales. In March of this year, when my wife and Lin returned from a business trip to China, she told me that she wanted a divorce so that she could be with Lin. She said that our values were very different, and she didn’t love me anymore. She said that she had wanted to divorce me a while ago but couldn’t find someone as good as me at the time.
“You have to truly temper yourself through real, lived experience if you are to grow and progress.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
“Visible suffering that’s on the surface doesn’t count for much. What’s really excruciating is the suffering that happens when you’re severing and breaking attachments—that is when it hurts most.” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Switzerland)
The news came unexpectedly, and I was really hurt by it. Even though she had mentioned divorce a couple times before, I never agreed to it. We didn’t have kids and my wife was the only person I had been close to. After hearing the news, I couldn’t sleep for days. I couldn’t let go of the memories and emotions. I had taken care of her, listened to her demands; was I not good to her?
During those days, thought karma interfered with me very strongly, and I would start crying sometimes when I was walking. It was very painful for me. Whenever I felt like I couldn’t handle it anymore, I begged Master, “Please help me Master, I really want to conquer this challenge. I won’t allow the old forces to defeat me this way.” And at the same time, I recited Master's verse:
“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.An enlightened person has no attachments at all.He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.”(“Realms”, Essentials for Further Advancement)
Whenever I felt like my mind was about to wander or the “hatred” was about to interfere with me, I reminded myself that it was my fault and I shouldn’t blame this on anyone else. I should not have hate or blame, I should let it all go. My mind became more peaceful, my tears stopped, and I could feel that Master was actually right next to me.
Peace Rises from the Pain
It is easier said than done when you are going through a tribulation. I remember that there was a holiday a few days after the divorce, and I wanted to drive to the South in order to feel better. However, in an instant, a thought hit me that time was precious and I should instead study the Fa during the holidays. Only the Fa can help me, the Fa can help reinforce my righteous thoughts. When I got home and looked at Master’s picture, Master was very compassionate. I continued going to Fa-study, Fa validation activities, and to Hong Kong to participate in parades. No one knew what I had been through. If I hadn’t cultivated Dafa, I would not have been able to get through it.
Since we still needed a little time before we could sell the house and since we both had nowhere else to live, we decided that one of us would live upstairs and the other downstairs. We did some work to the house to create separate access.
I don’t know what type of predestined relationship I have with my ex-wife or what kind of debt I still owe her, but I’ve always treated her like family. Perhaps our time is up. I apologized to her, “I am sorry that I had not been a better husband and done what I should have. At this stage in your life, Lin can help you with your business. I hope your business does great, and I hope you are happy with him.”
“...to identify the source of any problems we experience, and then make a point of doing better next time and try to always be thoughtful towards others.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I always reminded myself that I should correct any wrongs that I’ve done. My relationship with my wife went from husband and wife to friends and eventually to neighbors. I sometimes helped her with taking out the trash or with carrying items, and she would bring fruit for me as well. I sincerely hope that she can cultivate again.
While on my way home from Fa study one day, I felt relaxed knowing that I didn’t have to deal with pressure at home when I returned. I thought about all the things that Master has endured for us and how fellow practitioners in mainland China work really hard to save people despite facing persecution. Compared to them, my tribulation was trivial. Thank you, Master. When you are going through a tribulation, don’t forget why you started cultivating, and don’t forget about the duties of a Dafa Disciple.