Dafa Resolved My Resentment for My Ex-Husband's Family
(Minghui.org) Master said:
“The greatest manifestation of shan is compassion, and it is an expression of tremendous energy.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference” in Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
After I worked through the grudges I had toward my ex-husband and his family, I finally understood what Master meant about the power of compassion and its ability to change people’s minds.
Persevering Despite Tribulations
I was an only child born in the 1980s. I grew up in a wealthy family and was the apple of my parents’ eye.
In 1996 my parents started practicing Falun Gong. I was amazed by Dafa's miraculous ability to cure illness and keep a person fit. What was more rewarding was that, after he started practicing, my father was no longer irritable. He was honest in his business dealings, and many people respected him. My mother became a highly skilled physician in a hospital, but she would not accept gifts or kickbacks, which resulted in even more people wanting to be her patients.
At that time I was preparing for the college entrance exam. During the last few months of intense preparation, I also started to cultivate Dafa. After that, my world broadened.
In July 1999, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and Jiang Zemin launched the persecution of Falun Gong. Many of the Dafa disciples my parents knew were arrested overnight. At that time, my boyfriend walked into my life. In that horrible environment, his understanding and support of my cultivation of Dafa made me feel that he was a good person. After graduating from college, we soon married.
My husband was born in the countryside, and his family was poor. My parents-in-law were farmers. There was a huge difference between our two families. Because my family practiced Dafa, my parents and I lived according to Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, and were very tolerant of my husband's family. Later, my husband went to graduate school, while I basically supported us.
After he finished graduate school, I thought he would ease our financial burden and our lives would be better. However, without discussing it with me, he decided to bring his parents and his grandmother (in her 80s) from the countryside to live with us.
At first, I felt very wronged. I thought that my husband was self-centered. He didn't discuss this big decision with me and didn't show me any respect. I realized later that, as a Dafa disciple, I should take care of my in-laws and accept them, so I dealt with the situation much better.
So our married life began with six of us in the family. There were four generations, two mothers-in-law, and a daughter-in-law living under one roof. His grandmother was elderly and slow-moving. My father-in-law did not adapt to life in the city and was unhappy. My mother-in-law was grumpy, and she broke the locks on our home twice. My husband always played video games after work. I was very busy at work, and coming home every day to face such a family was sometimes very difficult!
At that time, I didn't study the Fa a lot, did not cultivate diligently, and didn't know how to look within to find the source of the problem. When I encountered conflicts, I forced myself to endure it with difficulty. Master said:
“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?” in Falun Dafa Essentials For Further Advancement)
I was unable to let go of my attachments. Forcing myself to endure the conflicts led to my accumulating a lot of grievances in my heart. Looking back now, my understanding of Dafa at that time was very superficial.
Even though I endured with grievance, I still let my husband see that practicing Dafa was a good thing. He also accepted that Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance were good. He knew that, coming from our generation as we do, if I didn't practice Dafa, his family of four generations would not be living with us in the city. If I didn’t practice Dafa, as the only daughter brought up in the lap of luxury, how would I be able to accept letting such a large family live with us?
However, due to the CCP’s cruel persecution of Dafa disciples, a storm of conflicts descended upon our family. When our daughter was a little more than a year old, my mother-in-law witnessed my father being taken away by police. We were horrified when our home was ransacked. Every day I came home to see the unhappy faces of my in-laws. They complained about our practicing Dafa, complained about my father clarifying the truth about Dafa to others, and even refused to let my parents touch our child. My husband's temper was also getting worse.
I could understand the intense pressure they were under. At that time, my mother and I were also under great pressure from the authorities, yet we continued to try our best to free my father from illegal detention. In order to reduce the anxiety of my husband's family, I maintained a cheerful countenance, and gradually the in-laws stopped complaining.
A year later, my father returned home safely. Just when everyone was back together again, my husband told me in front of the family that he’d found a better partner and wanted to divorce me!
Cultivating a Dafa Disciple's Compassion and Resolving Resentment
I hadn’t yet come out of the shadow of my father’s persecution, and my husband’s announcement hit me like a blow to the head. Not only that, but my husband blamed me for ruining his social life. He did not, however, mention his extramarital affairs. My father-in-law also felt that I had negatively impacted his son’s future.
I was in shock, thought it was so unfair, felt so much resentment, etc. It's hard to say how many painful emotions flooded my heart. At that time, I had only one thought: “I am a Dafa disciple; no matter how much I suffer, I can't do whatever I want without restraint.”
After the divorce, my daughter and I lived with my parents. My life returned to the calm and peace of the past. Not long after, my ex-husband remarried and had another daughter, and his parents returned to their hometown in the countryside.
After his parents returned to their hometown, their health deteriorated. I harbored resentment towards them and was unwilling to have anything to do with them. My in-laws rang me many times to tell me that they wanted to see my daughter. I avoided the topic. In fact, I knew that Dafa disciples should not be like that, but I couldn't let go of my resentment.
My father told me a story that shocked me. My family knew a lady whose husband owned a large business. When he was away from home, he lived with another woman. The lady knew this but didn't complain about it. One day when her husband was getting ready to go to see the woman, the lady handed her husband a Dafa keepsake and asked him to give it to her. She hoped that the woman would recite, “Falun Dafa is good” to keep her future safe. Her husband was moved to tears. After that, no matter how badly the authorities harassed the lady, her husband protected her. That story made me cry, too.
Dafa disciples cultivate Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance. Numerous practitioners have let go of their grievances during tribulations, have clarified the truth about Dafa to save people, and have cultivated great compassion! Yet I was still reluctant to let go of “personal resentment.” I was embarrassed.
“But I think that the Fa is immense and that this is the Great Law of the cosmos, after all, so it can resolve anything. As long as you can open up your heart and be tolerant, I think anything can change.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference” in Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
I realized that, if I want to change others, I have to change myself. If I want to change myself, I must improve myself in cultivation.
I started to study the Fa more every day. I felt that I was bathed in the Fa, and I felt my resentment getting weaker and weaker. I knew, however, that this was not enough. I needed my deeds to reflect the elevation of my mind. I arranged in advance for my ex-husband to pick up our daughter. I also regularly let him take some of her toys and books for his other daughter. My daughter told me that my ex-husband’s new wife was very happy and that her half-sister liked the toys and books.
Later, encouraged by my mother, I decided to take my daughter to visit her paternal grandparents. This decision shocked my friends. Even though my friends knew that I practiced Falun Dafa, they advised me, “Make sure you remember how they treated you before. If I were you, I would never want to see them again in my life.” I said, “So many Dafa disciples have resolved resentment with compassion. I can certainly do it, too.”
Having said that, it was still a process for me to let go of myself and raise my xinxing.
On my first vacation after our divorce, I went north to visit relatives and passed by my ex-husband's hometown. I took my daughter and stayed there for a day. Although it was only one day, my heart was still not calm. After returning home, I thought to myself, “How can I resolve these feelings and validate Dafa if I still hold onto this resentment?”
For the second vacation, I took my daughter to see her grandparents again. This time, I learned that my father-in-law had been diagnosed with a serious blood clot and had difficulty walking. My ex-husband's grandmother was over 90; she was bedridden and relied on my mother-in-law to take care of her. Seeing how hard their lives were, I began to forgive them. In those few days, I cooked for them every day and helped do the housework. I once again summoned enough courage to tell my in-laws the truth about Dafa and to talk about the beauty that Dafa brings to the world. I gave my father-in-law a Dafa keepsake. This time he accepted it with a smile. When I left, I told them to remember to say, “Falun Dafa is good; Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.”
After I got home, my mother-in-law called and told me that my father-in-law got up early every morning and recited, “Falun Dafa is good.” Later, I called my father-in-law and told him that I would come to see him next time. When I asked him if he wanted to learn Falun Gong, he said, “Yes!”
For the third vacation, I took my daughter to see my in-laws again. I took with me a treasure—an MP4 player with Master's lectures and the exercise instruction videos. During those few days, I taught my father-in-law to practice Falun Gong every day. My mother-in-law saw that my father-in-law was seriously learning and that made her happy! She said to me, “Whether or not your father-in-law can continue to practice the exercises or his health will get better, we are all grateful for the effort you are putting in to teach him!”
My father-in-law quickly learned the five exercises, and I listened to the first lecture of Master’s Fa teaching in Guangzhou with him. One evening, he measured his own oxygen saturation and shouted, “Normal, normal!” I exclaimed, “Dafa is miraculous!” He nodded. He later comforted me and said, “The debts Jiang Zemin owes will be paid one day.” He had really changed his attitude towards the CCP's persecution of Dafa, and I really felt happy for him.
When I left, my mother-in-law took me to the station and said, “Thank you for bringing the child to visit us. All the neighbors praised you!” I replied, “Our whole family has benefited from practicing Dafa, and we hope that you can, too.”
I witnessed my in-laws’ amazing change of attitude towards Dafa, and I saw Master's compassion. As Dafa spreads throughout the world, it resolves hatred and countless tribulations, and it benefits countless people.
I am grateful for Master's compassionate salvation! Heshi.