(Minghui.org) My father and I began practicing Falun Dafa at the same time. Of the practitioners I knew, my father was the most diligent. He attended the group exercises every day. After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started the persecution of Falun Dafa on July 20, 1999, my father insisted on clarifying the truth to people. The police often parked outside his apartment building, and followed him everywhere. His employer confiscated his ID card and threatened to prevent me from taking the college entrance exam.
Despite the intense pressure, my father remained diligent. He got up at 3:00 a.m. every day to do the meditation exercises, and hand-copied the teachings.
In order to do a better job of clarifying the truth, my father learned how to use a computer to make materials. He provided the other practitioners with Dafa books and Master’s most recent lectures. Although his situation at work was tough and his income was controlled by my mother, he still made excellent books as well as truth-clarifying DVDs and brochures.
Several members of our family had been poisoned by the CCP’s lies. They did not believe him, and treated him poorly. Father did not let anything affect him. He often wrote cultivation sharing articles and asked me to submit them to the Minghui website. His articles were usually published.
About three years ago, however, my father started to have illness symptoms. He had symptoms of a cerebrovascular condition (an oncoming stroke) and his mind was not clear. He did whatever my mother told him to do, such as watching CCTV (the CCP’s state-controlled television), going to a hospital, and he even took medicines. He would never have done those things before. He also seldom studied the Fa and only practiced some of the exercises. When I reminded him to study the Fa, he only nodded. Occasionally he became clear, and said that his brain no longer functioned well.
I and the other practitioners became very concerned about him. We all encouraged him to look inward, and asked him to study the Fa more and try to identify his attachments. However his condition worsened each day.
Realizing I Was Too Dependent on My Father
My father’s illness karma tribulations greatly affected me. In the beginning, I couldn’t understand what was happening. Several practitioners we knew were older than him and did not cultivate as diligently as he did. They were busy enjoying themselves and making money. They all seemed to have good lives, so why did my father, who cultivated so diligently, suddenly encounter these issues?
When I was young, my father always reminded me to proactively cultivate myself. He helped me and encouraged me each time I seemed to be slipping away from cultivation. Because I knew he cultivated well, I always asked his advice when I had any problems. He often gave me very good advice which hit on the problem directly and solved it. Gradually I became dependent on him and rarely thought for myself. In China’s oppressive environment of persecution I had very little contact with other practitioners, and felt that my father was the only person I could talk to about cultivation issues.
Now, because of his tribulation, it’s difficult to communicate with him. The only people I talk to are everyday people. I now need to understand every problem I encounter and try to follow the Fa’s principles by myself.
Clarifying the truth is difficult for me. Not only do I not see any effect from my efforts, I’ve been ridiculed. In addition, my financial situation is challenging and the materials for producing truth-clarifying materials are expensive. I’ve encountered issues where the printers malfunction, the ink leaks, I’ve made errors, or the Internet connection is lost. The printing process is long and boring, but I need to monitor every step to avoid making mistakes. It takes a lot of time and I no longer have time to do other things.
My understanding is that the practitioners around my father, including me, depended on him and went to him when we had cultivation issues. We felt that producing the Dafa books and truth-clarifying materials were his responsibility, and so we missed our own chance to cultivate. Our attachment to and dependence on him may have led to this illness karma test which has gone on for a long time.
In order to help him pass the test of illness karma, we all told him to look inward. But we did not look inward ourselves. Our actions actually deviated from the Fa. If we truly want to help practitioners who are facing the test of illness karma, the best way for us is to examine ourselves first and identify our own shortcomings. Only if we do this, can we truly help practitioners pass the test of illness karma.
Category: Improving Oneself
