Walking on the Cultivation Path with No Regrets
(Minghui.org) Master said,
Steadfastly cultivate Dafa, the will unflinchingThe raising of levels is what’s fundamentalIn the face of tests one’s true nature is revealedAchieve Consummation, becoming a Buddha, Dao, or God(“True Nature Revealed”, Essentialsfor Further Advancement II)
This poem by Master has a thundering effect on my soul and reflects my cultivation path of more than 20 years.
Overpowered: Signing the Three Statements
I was arrested on August 19, 2011. After a four-day hunger strike, I was released on August 30. Since I hadn’t been detained for 10 days in the evil den, I thought it was the result of my strong righteous thoughts and Master Li’s help. Some practitioners also acknowledged my firmness and self-confidence. All made me think that I cultivated pretty good. For a long time, I was proud of myself, and never thought why I was arrested, although I claimed that I looked seriously inward, I never did.
The old forces had been watching me and waiting for the opportunity to take action. Nine-month later, I was arrested again in May 2012. I went on a 37-day hunger strike. I didn’t feel anything even when watching others eat and was widely regarded as a steadfast practitioner. However, I was officially charged and was convicted.
I was taken to a provincial women’s prison. When guards tried to brainwash me, I just ignored them and didn’t acknowledge anything. I barely held on for more than two months. During that time, I was not allowed to go to the restroom for four days. Although I tried to persevere, I wet my pants. My will was broken, and I wrote the three statements. I no longer remembered the Fa, and Dafa was just a vague concept in my mind.
My reason for having reached this state was that my xinxing had not reached the necessary standard. I was just fighting hard, and biting my teeth. In the end, I was unable to persevere, and the bad notions inside me were exposed. What drove me were not righteous thoughts and righteous believing, cultivated from the principles of the Fa, but behavior that was not solid and fragile, driven by selfishness and other human notions.
Writing the three statements was just the beginning of the persecution. Continued mistreatment was intended to destroy one’s soul. Each day I lived in a humiliating environment that the deviant guards created.
I was told to write a thought report, which meant to write down my thoughts daily. Although I felt disgusted deep in my mind, I played word games, writing verses in reverse method. The “education assistant” in charge of me had a pretty good background on literature. She knew my soul was painfully suffering. At the beginning, she just smiled at what I wrote and didn’t say anything. Later, after getting to know each other, she was moved by my openness and kind nature. She pointed out, “I see, what you wrote is all about how good your Master is and how good Dafa is. I can see you are in a miserable state. Maybe you can just go backward with what happened, and deny the result of the brainwashing.”
I was moved by such righteous words from a person hired by the prison. I had sent righteous thoughts every day to destroy anything that was making her persecute practitioners. As a practitioner, our behavior and speech would also influence people around. I stared at her with excitement to show my approval and gratitude.
Statements of Giving Up my Faith: Null and Void
Master's compassion is reflected in every detail and encompasses everything. One day before this “education assistant” said the above, I was already determined to deny the persecution and declare that the three statements I wrote were null and void. I would continue to cultivate, and be an upright Dafa practitioner.
Just right after I made the decision and was going to face the test of life and death, Master encouraged me via the education assistant's remark. I thank Master deeply in my heart, I would do well with righteous thoughts and actions, and clean up the shame I had brought on me.
Of course, my thoughts were clearly observed by the old forces. It played a diversion tactic to warn and threaten me. About 10 hours before I was going to announce that I was still a steadfast practitioner, another practitioner announced that her three statements were null and void. The prison guards tortured her by tying her to a bed with a thick rope. Although they covered her face with layers of tape to prevent her from being heard, her heartbreaking cries could still be heard.
The predictable and imagined torture scene kept reflecting in my mind. I continued sending righteous thoughts for the entire night. I could feel it helped in protecting the practitioner. However, my fear had not been eliminated.
The next morning, another practitioner told me a dream she had the previous night. She dreamed of water, very shallow water. I immediately realized it’s a hint from Master. It is easy to pass through shallow water. Master would help me passing this test. I calmed down, “Having forged an adamantine will” (“Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions”, Hong Yin II)
At 9 a.m. that morning, I tore up the three statements I had written in front of everyone and threw the pieces of paper into the air. At that moment, heat flowed from my head to my toes. I felt that Master was beside me.
I was tied up and hung up with both hands behind my back. I called out, “Falun Dafa is good!”. I didn’t try hard and my voice seemed weak, but it penetrated through the entire ward. Everyone heard it clearly.
Somehow the calling of “Falun Dafa is good”, made the guards laugh and they put me down. I immediately sat down and did double-cross legs to send righteous thoughts. In the afternoon, I was put into a solitary cell, and my mind was calm.
In the solitary cell, they stripped me with the excuse of checking me. I was shocked to see that my skin had darkened. I knew it was the bitter result from my own previous conduct when countering the principles of Dafa. However, at that bitterest moment, I felt sweet. Master gave me a hint to encourage me.
They cuffed my hands and the handcuff was chained to a ring on the ground. I had to bend my body, and sit on the concrete floor. I went on a hunger strike and a few days later the force-feeding started. The feeding tube was inserted through the nostril into the stomach. I was tied up and several people held my hands, the legs and the abdomen. They put garlic, pepper and salt into the liquid food. The salt was so much that my stomach was in extreme pain and I vomited, so they beat me.
I was detained in a solitary cell for 15 days. They force-fed and beat me twice a day. However, the 15 days felt just like three or four days.
Guard Wang said to me on day 15 of my hunger strike, “We will give up ‘transforming’ you. Can you stop the hunger strike?” I refused and told her, that I would not stop if the persecution of all practitioners in the prison were not stopped. She scolded me, blamed me for making trouble, and depriving her of sleep. I told her, “What we do is for your own sake. If you drop into water, in order to save you, a rope or a stick can save you.” She didn’t say anything and gave up trying to brainwash me. I was taken to the cell where they held practitioners who were not brainwashed.
Finally, I could wash with cold water, and my skin was white and smooth again. My third eye showed me that my skin emitted a transparent purple light when I sent righteous thoughts.
I was made to sit on a small stool for long hours. My righteous thoughts were strong, and I didn’t want to acknowledge such persecution. I sat down to do the meditation. Then they hung me up. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate the bad substances in other dimensions. Soon they put me down. I resumed to meditate, so they hung me up again. They kept doing this several times.
Finally, the ward head came and asked, “Why do you still do the exercises?” I took the opportunity and clarified the truth of Dafa to her, I told her that Dafa was good and righteous, how I benefited from it, and that practitioners were the kindest people in China. She smiled and waved to those who had tortured me. I was taken down, and she left with a smile. Of course, I continued to do the meditation. No one bothered me again. Since then, doing the exercises became my daily activity
Except for no longer brainwashing practitioners, they were treated the same or even more restricted in this ward. Everyone had to wear the prison uniform and report their names when being called. More than 100 persons were required to squat down. I didn’t answer the name-calling, or squat down. A male guard stood by my side with an electric baton in his hand. I didn’t say anything. He didn’t do anything. Half a month later, I was transferred to another ward.
Appealing for Fellow Practitioners via Hunger Strike
I didn’t continue my hunger strike after I was transferred. I would do it for short periods when there was a need to protest the persecution of other practitioners. Three months after I stopped the hunger strike, a practitioner arrived in the ward. I saw her legs were all black. She was hung up for one and a half months in the brainwashing center. I decided to protest such persecution with a hunger strike. I truly believed that practitioners are one body, and what happened to another practitioner also happened to me. I wanted to stop the bad substances to manipulate ordinary people to commit crimes.
At that time, my cultivation state was in the best period of my entire 19 years of cultivation. My mind was filled with righteous thoughts. I could do the sitting meditation and send righteous thoughts for three-and-a-half hours. During this anti-persecution hunger strike, which lasted for seven months, I knew the result was not just seen in this dimension, but other dimensions were cleaned as well.
I talked to the ward head at the time. Many people were afraid of her, but I was not, and had compassion in my heart. As long as she was on the night shift, she would come to the cell to stop the practitioners from doing the exercises or sending forth righteous thoughts.
I talked to her three times, every time around mid-night. She knew Falun Gong well, so, I went straight to the subject. “You are wrong in persecuting Falun Gong practitioners. It is heaven’s principle that good is rewarded with good, and doing bad things will result in punishment. Protecting the practitioner will accumulate virtue. Your family and you will benefit.”
She listened to and accepted my words. She made it clear, “You are trying to be good people. No matter how the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) persecutes you, I will not.” I said to her, “Your attitude is good and appreciated. However, you keep coming to the cell at midnight. That affects our sending righteous thoughts. It is a big taboo.” She said, “The prison must be managed in military style.” I talked back, “What is militarization? Just a form! Did you see people’s mind changed? You are seriously violating human rights.” She laughed. Since then she stopped to interfere with us, and no longer persecuted practitioners.
Quitting the CCP and its Youth Affiliations
There were four teams in the ward where I was detained, and about 30 inmates per team. In the past, there was non-stop arguing and fighting over trifles during the day and night. Over a long period of time with Dafa practitioners who set an example of courtesy and kindness, people had changed, given the subtle and positive influences. People no longer talked loudly. A harmonious environment was formed.
All practitioners tried to clarify the truth to the inmates, telling them about the preciousness of Dafa and being a good person to accumulate virtue, advising them to only be good, to not lose virtue, and to withdraw from the CCP and its youth affiliates. Most of the inmates in the cell quit the Party. They were normally the headstrong party members. I talked to them one by one to dig out where they were stuck. After they learned about the crimes committed by the Party, all others quit as well, even under their true names.
When new inmates came to the cell, I talked to them as soon as they arrived, and they quit the Party. Then, I gave them Dafa informational materials and the feedback was positive.
Suing Jiang Zemin
I knew the cultivation environment in prison was very different from the outside. In order to narrow down the gap and catch up with the Fa-rectification, I was determined to stay in the cultivation state from morning to night. I send righteous thought every hour on the hour; studied three chapters of Zhuan Falun every day. I had studied Zhuan Falun 105 times by the time I was released.
Another practitioner told me that her son visited and told her about the criminal complaints against Jiang Zemin, the former dictator, in the summer of 2015. I didn’t know quite how to go about it but felt that it was a big event in the Fa-rectification, and every practitioner should participate.
I wrote my complaint against Jiang Zemin on two pieces of white cloth under my true name. I also wrote two letters to the officials in the municipal police department on two other pieces of white cloth, in which I suggested the officials come to the prison to learn the truth of Falun Gong. I asked a practitioner who was going to be released, to take them with her. Later I learned, the four pieces of cloth were photographed and published on the Minghui website.
The complaints were rewritten and submitted to the Supreme People's Procuratorate and the Supreme People's Court, and also published on the Minghui website.
I walked out of the provincial women’s prison upright and noble, and with no regrets.