(Minghui.org) The Importance of Unwavering Faith in Dafa, an article on the Minghui website, talks about the following issue:
“Dafa practitioners behind bars in China today are still being subjected to the most brutal treatment. Seeing this, some practitioners give in to negative thoughts, such as practitioners 'transforming' under duress is inevitable so why not save oneself from the tortuous pain and 'transform' early while still at the detention center? I would like to tell my fellow practitioners that this is not how it should be. Cultivation is not an ordinary matter, it's extremely serious.”
I am not cultivating as well as the practitioner who wrote the above article. On the contrary, I actually ran in the opposite direction for a period of time. Today, I would like to write down what I had experienced to expose the degenerate and evil things inside me and eliminate them. I also want to help fellow practitioners realize just how horrible the manifestation in other dimensions is if we submit to or cooperate with the evil.
I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. After July 20, I worried and shed tears when I saw so many people deceived by the CCP's propaganda. During that period of time, I didn't study the Fa well and always felt sleepy while studying the Fa. I couldn't understand the Fa principles.
However, I liked reading Minghui Weekly. I followed other practitioners instead of the Fa principles and developed the attachment to doing things. I was taken to the detention center three times; on the third arrest, I was given three years of forced labor.
During the first three days at the forced labor camp, some practitioners who had been transformed were tasked to brainwash me, and they succeeded.
I went astray and developed a wicked understanding towards Dafa. At the time I believed that I was not transformed for fear of hardship or death; instead, I thought my choice was right. As a result, I did things that were disrespectful to Master and Dafa – directly and indirectly, intentionally and unintentionally. I assisted the evil in transforming fellow practitioners, and reported it to the police when I saw someone reading Master's articles secretly.
After I was released from the labor camp and returned home, I couldn't stand it when my husband played music for doing Falun Dafa exercises. I had a small version of the book Zhuan Falun, which was rarely seen in those days. I was afraid no matter where I hid it at home. I was so afraid that the book might be discovered that I finally burned it. When it all burned to ash, I was shocked at what I saw: The characters in the book could still clearly be seen. It was at that point when I questioned my transformation: Was I wrong? I dared not continue thinking about it.
Now looking back, I realize that it was Master's compassionate hint. Master was waiting for my return.
About one year later, one day I suddenly thought of Master's words,
“It’s because you practice cultivation in the upright Fa that you have escaped the karma you owed in your previous lives. Once you are reduced to the level of an everyday person, no one will protect you and demons will also take your life. It’s even useless to seek protection from other Buddhas, Daos, and Gods, as they won’t protect someone who undermines the Fa. What’s more, your karma will also be returned to your body.” (from Dafa Can Never be Plagiarized, Essentials for Further Advancement)
I thought, “I haven't practiced Dafa in such a long time, but I am still living pretty well and haven't suffered any retribution!”
One night, I had a dream with an incredibly vivid scenario – in an ancient house, my husband was wearing a pure white shirt and reading a book at his desk next to the window. He looked calm and peaceful. I was standing outside of the house. It's very dark. Two black shadows were standing beside me and watching me. I looked at my husband and said in my heart, “I can no longer see you again. I have been sentenced to life imprisonment.”
The pain I experienced in that moment was beyond human expression.
I woke up, but the heart-wrenching pain lingered on. In my dream, my husband was none the wiser at my critical moment of life-and-death departure. I wondered, “Am I wrong? Am I going to hell and never being reborn?”
I dared not go on thinking about it.
During the day, there were also many evil specters that interfered with my mind and attempted to put me to death. On my way going downstairs, a voice in my mind said to me, “Roll down and you'll be killed.”
One time, when I saw a truck fully loaded with sand pass by, the same voice said to me, “Go underneath, you will be crushed and killed, it'll be so comfortable.”
I said immediately in my heart, “I will not die. You can die.”
At that point I came to realize why I was tired of this world at the age of only 7 – since that time, there had always been a thought in my head of committing suicide. It continued until I was 27, when I started practicing Falun Dafa. However, after I betrayed Dafa, the thought came back to attempt to claim my life, fiercer than ever.
Another time in my dream, I drank pesticides and soon regretted it. It was too late though. My face looked blackish purple; my lips looked black and blue; my tongue was dark black. That meant that nothing could save my life.
After I woke up, I kept on thinking about this dream. Was I really wrong? Wasn't transformation correct?
Thanks to Master's compassionate hints and fellow practitioners' persistent and unselfish help, I came back to Dafa after I had been away from Dafa for nine years. Some practitioners were so happy at my return that they burst into tears.
It's been seven years since I returned to Dafa in 2011. I was often full of tears and even cried loudly when I knelt down and kowtowed to Master's photo. My tears came from my endless gratitude to Master, as well as my deep regret for the sins I had committed.
Fellow practitioners, Fa-rectification is coming to its end. If we betrayed Dafa before, we may never know if we still have an opportunity to return.
Some practitioners might say, “I didn't have any wicked understanding towards Dafa. I just told people I'd give up practicing, so it was not as horrible as what you described.”
One practitioner whom I know very well shared with me about her experience. Her mother, also a practitioner, was arrested and taken to a detention center. She said, “I will bring my mother back no matter what, even if I risk giving up my own practice.”
But as soon as she said this, she felt a profound emptiness. She said that from this, she realized that cultivation practice is really that serious.
Above is my personal sharing. Please point things out compassionately if you find anything inappropriate.
I'd like to close with a few of Master's Fa teachings:
Master said,
“It’s difficult to practice cultivation, yet very easy to fall. When a person fails a test or can’t let go of a strong human attachment, he might reverse himself or go to the opposite side. There are too many lessons in history. Only after having fallen down will a person begin to regret, yet then it’s too late.” (from Dafa Can Never be Plagiarized, Essentials for Further Advancement)
Master said,
“Although the evil seems awfully vicious, it has now exhausted its tricks, and can merely keep escalating the labels it puts on our practice and keep using the media to fabricate things; with its sick mind, it keeps forcing students to write so-called "repentance statements" and to sign its stuff. It knows very well that that’s all fake and can’t change people’s hearts, so why does it insist on doing that? Why does it insist on having you sign that paper? Why does it insist on having you say, "I’ll stop practicing" before releasing you? One person says "I’ll keep practicing," and they slap him with a sentence; another one says "I’ll stop practicing," and just for this they set him free. The difference between these is unbelievable, isn’t it? Is this normal? It’s not. Isn’t that obvious? They just want to make you fall, they just want to make you say those words. Once those words are said, even if they’re not from your heart, it leaves a stain. For a Fa-rectification disciple, that’s a disgrace. What’s more, if you’ve done things that have harmed Dafa and you aren’t able to truly remedy all of it later on amidst the Fa-rectification and make up for the losses you brought Dafa, it will really be serious.” (from Teaching the Fa at the Washingtong, D.C. International Fa Conference, Guiding the Voyage)
