Overcoming a Major Tribulation in My Cultivation
(Minghui.org) I went through a major ordeal from 2011 to 2016. I was nearly destroyed by the old forces. It was Master Li Hongzhi who saved me once again. I am eternally grateful for his saving grace.
Attachment to Self Without Knowing It
After the Chinese communist regime began to persecute Falun Dafa in 1999, many fellow practitioners were afraid of stepping forward to speak up for our faith.
As a volunteer coordinator, I went around to deliver Master's new lectures and related materials to fellow practitioners and help them set up small Fa-study groups.
I was so busy helping fellow practitioners that I slacked off in my own cultivation. I felt good about myself and the things I was doing, without realizing many of the attachments that I had developed over the years, such as to my reputation, fame and self-interest, competitive mentality, jealousy, as well as fear.
After 2011, I shared some articles about basic legal knowledge with several fellow practitioners. I intended to encourage them to counteract the persecution and seek justice for detained practitioners through legal channels.
At that time, most of us did not know how to use legal means against the persecution. Many practitioners dismissed the idea as validating Dafa on the human level, and some even gossiped that our Fa study group only studied legal documents instead of the Fa. Since this was not the case, I did not pay attention to it in the beginning.
Later on, two coordinators came to our Fa-study group to see how things were going. They also went to a fellow practitioner who managed the material production center and asked him whether I had a mental problem. That practitioner said that I was perfectly fine.
Finally, the coordinators hosted a meeting to discuss me without my knowledge. They said that I had attachments, mental problems, and also enlightened on a deviated path. This caused quite a stir among the practitioners.
When a practitioner told me about this, I was in total shock – how could a situation like this happen among cultivators? I was completely lost and did not know how to handle the situation.
Eventually, I went to the coordinators and said to them: “Please stop all of this. I just won't cultivate anymore.”
After that, I realized that I was fooled by the old forces, who instigated fellow practitioners to pressure me. I fell into their trap.
Because of this incident, I was expelled from the practitioners' group. One coordinator didn't talk to me for years. His excuse was not to give me the opportunity to disturb others.
The Party Culture
One practitioner told me that the meeting hosted by the coordinators reminded him of the Cultural Revolution and that they were trying to collect evidence against me. His words awakened me, and I knew that I also still harbored Party culture just like the coordinators.
I realized how the Party culture had disrupted our group, instigated hatred and turned us against each other. The old forces would then exploit the Party culture in us to hinder our cultivation.
It was not so easy getting rid of the Party culture, though.
In the beginning, when I heard the gossip and misunderstanding about me, I did not go to the coordinators and talk to them. I felt that I didn't need to make the effort to defend myself, as it was all false accusations. I believed that time would reveal the truth.
But several years after the incident, when I wanted to talk to the coordinators, they wouldn't give me the chance.
I gradually developed resentment towards them, particularly the one who completely ignored me. I tried to eliminate my resentment and hatred, but it was so strong that I couldn't get it off my mind.
Master Saves Me Again
Unable to control the negativity and resentment in myself, I gradually lost my confidence to continue cultivation.
I ran into a fellow practitioner in August 2016. She was very concerned about me and I poured out my heart and felt I could no longer carry on like that. “My cultivation reached the bottleneck!”
I went home, felt exhausted and began to have symptoms of a stroke. I felt hopeless and couldn't stop crying.
I remembered that I cried when I first began practicing, but it was tears of joy. When Dafa was persecuted, I also cried – it was tears of pain, such a wonderful Fa was so mistreated. And now I was so desperate that I almost couldn't cultivate anymore.
I didn't want to see myself being ruined like this. I stopped seeing anyone and just stayed at home to study the Fa day and night.
I read Master's teachings at least three times. I gradually calmed down and found where I had fallen short in my cultivation. I realized the old forces instilled the hatred into my mind and took control of me.
I sent out strong righteous thoughts: “I am a disciple of Master Li Hongzhi. I will only walk the path arranged by Dafa. Even if I have attachments and loopholes, I will rectify myself in the Fa and won't accept any other arrangement.”
Gradually, the resentment and hatred dissipated.
At the beginning of 2017, I visited the coordinator who had ignored me for many years. I told him that we should follow Master's teachings and compassionately resolve our problem – it didn't matter whose fault it was, but we shouldn't have gaps among us anymore. From that point on, the substances that were blocking us disappeared and everything returned to normal again.
From this experience, I realized that no matter how difficult it is, do not ever give up or lose your confidence in cultivation. We cultivate the Fa of the cosmos and our lives are with the Fa. No one can block our way home.