From Fighting Over Small Matters to Calmly Letting Them Go
(Minghui.org) I was an accountant before I married but quit my job to have a baby. I put all my energy into the family and relied on my husband financially. I always hoped that he would treat me well. The reality, however, was different. I was ill after we married, with gynecological and stomach issues. Our relationship was completely devoid of romance!
My husband’s brother is deaf. He could not find a job, so he worked for my husband. My husband let his brother manage all our income and tasked him with giving me a daily expense allowance.
I felt this was unfair. I gave up my job and career for our family, yet he did not trust me with his income. We also often fought over small matters. Sometimes, he resorted to chatting with women on porn sites.
I felt my marriage was coming to an end and lost hope for the future. I suffered so much physically and mentally, but I could only keep this pain in my heart. I did not want a divorce, but life was so hard.
Life Changes after Practicing Falun Dafa
My mother practices Falun Dafa. I witnessed the miracles that happened to her after she learned the practice. She was too sick to even cook. But soon afterward, she completely recovered.
I started studying the Fa and learned many truths underlying life. I realized that all our suffering in life is due to karma we ourselves created in past lives. I understood that all the conflict and resentment in my marriage was occurring for a reason.
Master Li Hongzhi said,
“You should always maintain a heart of compassion and kindness. Then, when you run into a problem, you will be able to do well because it gives you room to buffer the confrontation. You should always be benevolent and kind to others, and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone. In doing so, there will not be any problems. Therefore, in cultivation practice you should follow a higher and higher standard for yourself.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
From studying the Fa, I learned that we should always be considerate of others, be compassionate, discipline ourselves with the universal principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and look inward for our own shortcomings when there are conflicts. I started changing myself by following Master’s teachings.
I stopped fighting with my husband and started to think from his perspective. I realized that there were things I did wrong, too. I did not care about him enough and always complained about him. I let go of my concern about money as well. I decided that, as long as I had enough money for daily expenses, I was fine.
Master Li said,
“You may think that you are good at everything, but your life does not have it. That person is good at nothing, but his life has it, and he will become a boss. No matter what everyday people think, that is only the viewpoint of everyday people. From the perspective of a higher life, the development of human society progresses according to the specific law of development. Therefore, what one does in life is not arranged based on one’s abilities. Buddhism believes in the principle of karmic retribution. One’s life is arranged according to one’s karma. No matter how capable you are, if you do not have de, perhaps you will have nothing in this life. You think that another person is good at nothing, but he has a lot of de. He could become a high-ranking official or make a big fortune. An ordinary person cannot see this point and always believes that he should do exactly what he is able to. Therefore, he competes and fights all his life with a badly-wounded heart. He might feel very bitter and tired, always finding things unfair. Being unable to eat or sleep well, he feels sad and disappointed. When he gets older, he will end up in poor health and all kinds of illnesses will surface.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
I understood that the reason my husband did not give me a lot of money could have been related to the fact that I was not entitled to it in this life. I always wanted to be even with him financially and fought with him over this. So I was always stressed out and ended up with a lot of illnesses!
As my mind changed, my heart became bigger. I can now tolerate his bad moods. My overall outlook became better and my ailments are gone. When I got rid of those human attachments and mindsets, I became happy and healthy. My family now lives in harmony!
My husband discussed buying a house in Tianjin with me last year. I was living with our child in our hometown, while my husband was renting a house with his brother in Tianjin.
We paid full price for a house in the suburb of Tianjin. ThenI found out that the title to the property was actually in his brother’s name.
I was furious and did not understand. He kept such a big secret from me! I asked why the house was in his brother’s name. Then he explained it was so that he would not have to pay more taxes as he already owned two other houses. However, the tax policy he referenced was still under debate and not a law. I forced myself not to lose my temper!
It was difficult to let go of the house issue. I knew that everything happens for a reason and remembered what Master Li said:
“… as a practitioner should follow the course of nature. If something is yours, you will not lose it. If something is not yours, you will not have it even if you fight for it. Of course, that is not absolute. If it were as absolute as that, there would not be the issue of committing wrongdoing. In other words, there are some unstable factors. But as a practitioner, you are in principle protected by Teacher’s fashen. Others cannot take away what is yours, even if they want to. We therefore believe in following the course of nature. Sometimes, you think that something should be yours, and others also tell you that it is yours. Actually, it is not. You may believe that it is yours, but in the end it is not yours. Through this, it can be seen whether you can give it up. If you cannot let it go, it is an attachment. This method must be used to get rid of your attachment to self-interest. This is the issue. Because everyday people are not enlightened to this principle, they will all compete and fight before profits.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
I tried my best to correct my thinking by following what Master said. Maybe I owed my husband in a previous life, and this was a way to pay it back. Maybe Master Li was helping me to get rid of my attachment to pursuing profit. It was a good thing no matter what! Why should I feel uneasy? Without the house, I can still be happy. I am blessed to be a Dafa practitioner, which no sum of money can buy! My husband’s brother is a poor, disabled man. It is fine to give him a house to live in!
As my mind changed, my anger disappeared, and I felt suddenly refreshed. Master Li said,
“We say that when you take a step back in a conflict, you will find the seas and the skies boundless, and it will certainly be another situation.” (Zhuan Falun)
I experienced happiness after my xinxing improved through cultivation. This shows the extraordinary power of Dafa, which improves human morality and heals illnesses. If more people practiced Dafa, our society would become more harmonious and wonderful. I hope everyone can understand the truth about Falun Dafa and benefit from it!