Truly Looking Inward
(Minghui.org) Group Fa-study is the most sacred activity that practitioners do. I knew that one needs to be very focused when studying, but I was seldom able to be so centered.
I recently teamed up with Mei (alias), a practitioner in her 80s, to study the Fa once a week. She had been a government official when she was young and had suffered from sickness karma for a long time.
Another practitioner told me that she and her sister-in-law had been studying the Fa with Mei, but Mei always made mistakes while reading and would be upset if others pointed them out. For this reason, other practitioners declined to join them for study.
I thought: The fact that I heard this is not accidental. I also have the attachment of not wanting others to point out my mistakes. In addition, I always said what was on my mind and didn't pay much attention to other people's feelings. Maybe this is a good opportunity for me to get rid off that attachment.
I began with that objective in mind. Mei wore a magnifying glass on her forehead and read the words one at a time, but she still made a lot of mistakes. The other two practitioners didn't say anything to Mei. I knew that it wasn't right to not point out her mistakes, so I did.
After a few instances of mentioning her mistakes, Mei said: “I lost my place because you keep pointing out my mistakes.”
I had to hold myself back from speaking up when she made mistakes after that. I felt uneasy after a few instances and was about to quit the group. Then, I remembered that I also make mistakes sometimes and don't want others to point them out. Was it time to get rid of my attachment? I shouldn't feel uncomfortable. So I just ignored all the mistakes Mei made and kept quiet.
Soon afterward, my eyesight became blurry, and I started making mistakes when reading the Fa. A fellow practitioner pointed out my errors to me. I said to myself that I would slap myself if I made another mistake.
“Why was I making mistakes? Why did my eyesight become blurry? How is my cultivation? What did I do wrong? Zhuan Falun is so sacred; how can I make mistakes when reading it? Am I not tainting the Fa?” I looked inward and thought: I should point out Mei's mistakes, but she becomes upset. What shall I do?
While I was pondering this, Mei read a word incorrectly. Another practitioner pointed it out to her, but she continued to make the same error repeatedly. However, Mei didn't become upset when the error was pointed out. We took turns reading. When it was her turn again, she read a whole paragraph without any mistakes.
I was excited. “You didn't make a single mistake when you read this paragraph.”
“Thanks for the encouragement,” she replied.
“I wasn’t encouraging you. Actually, I was thinking while you and the others were reading of why my eyesight had suddenly become blurry. I kept reading the Fa wrong even though I know it is so sacred.”
She confided: “I didn't look inward before and wasn't concentrating when reading the Fa. I would not have noticed my mistakes if you hadn't told me. I hope you will point out my mistakes in the future.”
Upon hearing that, we all felt very happy. Mei had changed in a big way!
Teacher said in “Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. Fa Conference”:
“When you think that another person hasn’t done well, when you can’t get over it in your mind, you should think about it: 'Why is my mind troubled by this? Does he really have a problem? Or is it that there’s something wrong deep inside me?' You should think about it carefully. If you indeed don’t have any problem and what he did is really problematic, you should tell him with kindness, and that won’t lead to conflicts. It’s guaranteed.”
I truly felt that the fault was mine; I didn't have a kind heart and didn't see this practitioner's difficulty. I was mainly concerned about helping myself and was too focused on her attachments. Even worse, I feigned being a “nice guy.” I was not being responsible to the Fa, and that was what caused my eyesight to become blurred. When I realized this, my vision improved.