Falun Dafa Saved Me from Depression
(Minghui.org) Falun Dafa saved my life. If I had not practiced Falun Gong, I might not be alive today.
Problems during my childhood were responsible for my being afflicted with severe depression by the time I was 14 years old. Voices in my head tried to make me believe that I was incompetent, mean, and weak. I was alive, but I was suicidal. Medication and clinic stays were out of the question, as I believed that I might lose control over my life. I had three children that I was responsible for, which was the reason for me not sinking into even deeper depression.
For about four weeks I would feel alive, and then there were periods that lasted from four to six weeks at a time during which I was barely able to move and in a daze and dragged myself along from day to day. Such periodic changes became a part of my life. During a good phase, I felt as if I had pulled through, but then I would fall right back into depression. I suffered through these periods of depression for 30 years.
During those 30 years, I went through different kinds of psychological studies in the hopes that I could help myself and get over my periods of depression. Alas, nothing I did made a difference. I even felt my own resistance to change and the belief that my life could ever change ebbed away. There was a point when I simply could no longer handle it. My thoughts turned more and more towards suicide. I only wanted peace of body and mind.
By then I had turned 44 and was tired of living. My brother, who lived in South Africa, came for a visit in 2007. He had started to practice Falun Dafa in 1998. During a meal, I told him that I was not well at all. Besides the depression, I also suffered from other illnesses, such as severe headaches and abdominal pains. I also had financial difficulties.
He suggested that I read Zhuan Falun, which could work wonders. Actually I had known for many years that my brother practiced Falun Dafa, but I didn't believe in cultivation. I had run out of options that could help me and hit rock bottom. I thought that since I was at the end of my endurance, I might as well read that book.
Once I started, I could not put the book down and knew that this was what I had been looking for all my life. The teachings went deep into my heart and I could not stop reading Master's words.
After I finished reading the book, I read all of Master's lectures. Given that I was a Christian, I had a difficult time letting go of the Christian doctrine. I felt as if I had betrayed Jesus and God in the beginning. But, the more I read Master's teachings, the more I realized that it was something far beyond Christian doctrine and that I was destined to take this path.
Master was standing by me and I felt it. I had never felt anything like that when practicing Christianity.
Master cleansed my body, and in a spectacular dream, he fought the entities that had taken over my body and my head and he freed me of all these bad substances. I now knew that those bad thoughts were not generated by me but by entities that were stripping me of my strength. It used to take four weeks for these entities to leave me, as they were feeding on my energy and would leave after it was depleted. However, once I had built up my strength again, they would return and take it away. Thinking about what Master said, I realized I must have had some kind of karmic relationship with these entities, and Master freed me of this karmic responsibility.
During some of my dreams, I vomited some snakes, and the depression bothered me less and less. My life's energy grew, and I felt for the first time that I was truly living my own life, rather than someone else living in my body. My chronic physical problems got better gradually, and eventually, they completely disappeared. My financial situation also improved over time.
Today, when I look back on the past and my difficult life, I am filled with deep gratitude because Master saved me. I thank Master from the bottom of my heart.