Looking Inward Is Key To Eliminating Resentment
(Minghui.org) I began having headaches when I was a small child. When I became a teenager, I suffered from headaches for one or two weeks every month. When the headaches came, I could not eat or sleep. It seemed I had to have a near-death experience nearly every month. I tried all kinds of Chinese and Western medicine, but nothing worked.
Since I took a lot of medicine, which messed up my endocrine and metabolic systems, I had dark patches on my face, dark circles under my eyes, and a pale complexion.
I started practicing Falun Dafa in January 1998, and Dafa renewed my life. I felt healthy for the first time and no longer suffer from the monthly torture. Everyone said that I looked much younger than my real age.
After the Chinese Communist Party began its suppression of Dafa on July 20, 1999, I was persecuted a few times. Eventually, I escaped to the United States. I would like to share some of my experiences and understandings on my cultivation journey.
Getting Rid of Jealousy
Here in the U.S., there are many opportunities to coordinate with other practitioners, which are also opportunities for me to identify my attachments.
Over time, I developed a bad opinion of Mei [alias], and I always looked for her faults. Even though my intention was good, each time we worked together, the situation always became negative, and we were unhappy. She yelled at me twice in front of other practitioners. Another time, she almost shoved me. Although I seemed calm on the outside, my forbearance was not genuine, and inside I was seething with anger. I tried my best to avoid her.
When another practitioner noticed the conflicts between Mei and me, she compassionately told me, “It's very obvious that you look down on her, and it's not okay. You should change your attitude.” I knew that in cultivation nothing is coincidental, but I could not let go of my anger and the feeling of being wronged. Whenever looked inward, all I could see were her faults.
I later read an article on Minghui.org that helped me realize that looking down on others stems from jealousy. I could not get along with her because I was jealous. I suddenly realized that I could not get along with anyone who I felt was better than me.
“Jealous types look down upon others and don’t allow others to surpass them. When they see someone more capable than they, their minds lose all perspective, they find it unbearable, and they deny the fact.”
“Jealousy is a huge obstacle in cultivation and one that has a large impact on practitioners. It directly impacts a practitioner’s gong potency, harms fellow cultivators, and seriously interferes with our ascension in cultivation. As a practitioner, you have to eliminate it one hundred percent. Some people have yet to forgo jealousy even though they’ve cultivated to a certain level. Moreover, the harder it is to abandon, the easier it is for jealousy to grow stronger. The negative effects of this attachment make the improved parts of one’s character fragile.”(Falun Gong)
My understanding is that jealousy comes from a strong pursuit of fame and the mentality of validating oneself. If we have strong attachments, the old forces will expand them and use them to block our path to Consummation. Their ultimate goal is to destroy us. So, if we are jealous of someone, we are walking the path arranged by the old forces.
I felt so ashamed. All practitioners are Master's disciples. I should put my ego aside and have compassion for fellow practitioners. I should focus on their strengths and get rid of the barriers that separate us so that I can do better at saving people.
Eliminating Resentment and Complaints
I work for a company whose business is taking care of seniors. At work, I follow Dafa’s principles. I do my job well, and both our clients and my coworkers think highly of me.
But the process of cultivation is a process of continual improvement. Many attachments that I had ignored will surface, and I must face them and get rid of them. When I ran into conflicts, sometimes I failed to behave like a practitioner and instead looked outward for solutions.
A while ago, I had two clients who I cared for in the mornings and afternoons, respectively. They live in the same building, which was convenient for me. But the senior who I took care of in the morning was not easy to deal with. She made me lose the afternoon client. I was not happy with her and began to complain.
One day, she asked me to give her a ride to her friend's home. I told her that giving clients a ride is against company policy. Before I finished speaking, she started to yell at me. Her words were irrational. Her sharp and tough tone hurt me. I didn’t look inward. Instead, I resented her even more. Perhaps because I had begun to hate her, the old forces took advantage of my loopholes. I had a car accident a few days before our local Shen Yun show. I was fine, but the car was completely destroyed.
A few days later, the company gave me an extra assignment, which required my having to leave the lady 30 minutes early. When I told her, she strongly objected. I then decided to quit working for her. I talked to my supervisors, and they agreed. One month passed, but they could not find anyone to replace me. From the angle of an everyday person, it was because the client was hard to deal with and no one wanted to work for her. But because I'm a practitioner, I knew the real reason was that I had a strong attachment and didn’t pass the test. Instead of letting go of my attachment, I tried to avoid the test. Soon, another test came. I parked in the wrong place and was fined $350. On the surface, all this trouble was caused by the lady. My hatred toward her peaked, and I could not stand her anymore.
However, I am a cultivator. Once I calmed down, I read the Fa and looked inward. I saw that I failed to follow the Fa in daily trifles. I failed to cultivate myself whenever trivial issues surfaced and instead saw other people’s faults. I even expected other people to make my job easier, and I expected others to help me and adjust themselves to my schedules and plans. I was too self-centered. Because I had been like this for so long, I couldn't take it when things didn’t go as I had planned.
“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself. A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.An enlightened person has no attachments at all.He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.”(“Realms” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
A complainer sees everything from her own viewpoint and frequently has negative thoughts. This mentality is selfish. Moreover, hatred itself is one of the biggest obstacles on the path of cultivation and prevents us from developing compassion.
As soon as I identified all these attachments, I could feel my heart broaden and my xinxing improve. Once again, I saw the importance of looking inward. The company soon found someone to replace me.
Remembering To Apply the Principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance
My company uses clients’ phones as a time-tracking system for employees. For a while, I worked for a senior couple, who liked me a lot. Since I am efficient, I always finished my job ahead of schedule. But I could not leave because of the time-card policy. The husband tried to register a cell phone under his name and let me use it to clock in and out. This way, I could leave right after the job was done.
However, the wife disagreed. She insisted on following the policy, and they argued. The husband suggested that I make the final decision.
I know that many employers use customers’ cell phones to clock in and out. But I am a cultivator. I should not do things for my own convenience, and I should validate the Fa with my behavior. I thanked them and said, “I practice Falun Dafa, which teaches Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I would not take the cell phone with me. Don’t worry. I will not do anything against policy for my own convenience.” The couple was happy with my decision.
A while later, the company found something wrong with my time card. They knew I did a good job but could not find the reason for the discrepancy. They told me that as long as I finish the job well, I no longer had to register the time card. This way, my schedule became much more flexible. During the Shen Yun promotion in the last two years, I had a lot of free time to drive fellow practitioners, hang flyers on doors, and put up posters.
Through this incident, I realized that if one follows the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, we will lose nothing, and everything will go smoothly.
Clarifying the Facts at Work
I work at a senior home with about 60 Chinese residents. Soon after I started working there, they all learned that I practice Falun Dafa. I often heard them talking about me negatively, having been deceived by hate propaganda from the Chinese Communist Party. I also knew that they watched Chinese state-run TV channels.
Most of these seniors are retired teachers or doctors. Because they had been educated in the Party's schools, it's not easy to convince them of anything, but I knew that it was my responsibility to save them.
I started by placing the Epoch Times newspaper in the lobby. In the beginning, I brought five copies every week. It gradually increased to 30 copies. When I first started, some people tore the newspaper up and threw it into the trash. Some cursed me. One lady told me, “This newspaper is full of nonsense. I don’t like it.” I said, “Auntie, this newspaper is good. It tells the truth. You cannot see these truthful stories in other newspapers.” She smiled.
The first year I worked there, I gave every Chinese resident a Minghui calendar. Half of them handed them back to me. The second year, more people accepted them. Later, they not only accepted them but some even asked for more so they could give them to their children. Now, they even contact me to reserve copies.
One couple are retired college professors. Since they were both persecuted during the Cultural Revolution, they know firsthand the evil nature of the Communist Party. However, they practice Christianity, so they didn’t want to listen to me telling them about Falun Dafa. I didn’t give up and kept talking to them. In the beginning, they refused to read the Epoch Times, but now they ask me for new issues. They also watch NTDTV every day. The wife was not a member of any Communist Party organizations, and the husband agreed to quit the Party.
After the husband later passed away, I had a dream in which he was a young man in a suit, smiling at me. I think it means he is in a good place.
I also occasionally work at another residence where about 60 Chinese seniors live. I deliver copies of the Epoch Times there every week. One day, when I delivered the newspaper, an old lady approached me. She held my hands and kept thanking me for delivering “food” for them. I told her about Falun Dafa and the severity of the persecution in China. She gave me her room and phone numbers and said, “I want to donate some money.”
I thanked her and told her that Falun Dafa practitioners don’t take donations. When she asked, “Then how can I help?” I told her that she could tell the others to read the Epoch Times. She happily agreed.
She said, “Please be careful. There are some Communist Party members here. You should pay special attention to so-and-so. He is the leader of the Party members here. Many Chinese are afraid of him, but I am not. He refuses to read the Epoch Times, and he sits there trying to stop the others from taking copies.”
A few weeks later, I ran into her again. She said, “I have good news. That man has started to read the Epoch Times. When I asked him why he reads it, he demanded to know why he cannot read it!”
Another week passed. The lady told me that she planned to contact the local university library, where many Chinese students study. She would ask them to subscribe the Epoch Times since the library has a row of shelves for Chinese books, magazines, and newspapers. Later, she told me on the phone that the library did not want to subscribe to the newspaper. She told them that she would pay for the subscription, but they still hesitated. She then told the person in charge about the persecution of Falun Dafa, including the state-sanctioned organ harvesting, and that the Epoch Times exposes the truth. The person in charge immediately changed his mind and agreed to pay the fee.
We filled out the paperwork with the library. The old lady held my hands and said seriously, “From now on, it is your responsibility to take care of the newspaper there.” After that, she disappeared. I called a few times, but nobody answered. The nameplate on her door had also been changed. I have been delivering the newspaper to the library for six years.
I've met all kinds of people and experienced many things. No matter what happens, I always try to look inward and improve myself based on the Fa. I always try to use the Fa to guide my speech and behavior. I try to treat everybody around me with compassion. I always remember to validate the Fa in my work environment.
I’ve seen many people reject the Communist Party's lies. Many people now say that Dafa practitioners are good. Some have praised me, saying that I am righteous and kind. Some have said, “Falun Dafa is good. Please teach us the exercises.”
Thank you, Master; Thank you, fellow practitioners.
(Presented at the 2018 Mid-US Fa Conference)