Saving My “Rival in Love”
(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1998, and very soon all my illnesses disappeared. As time went on, I gained a deeper understanding of the Fa principles and applied them in my daily life. My xinxing improved a lot as I let go of many human attachments. However, I found it very difficult to let go of my attachment to human sentimentality, especially my attachment to my husband, and for a while, that attachment became a big hurdle in my cultivation.
My Husband Has an Affair
My husband and I were childhood sweethearts. We got married in April 1983 and enjoyed a happy family life.
He started a joint business in the timber industry and made a lot of money. Our life was good and we bought a house in town. Our whole family (including our daughter, her husband, and their two children) moved to live in town in 2006 and everyone felt really happy and content.
However, I began to see changes in my husband beginning in 2007. He came home less frequently and gave me less money to spend. He would pick a fight with me over trivial things and curse me when he came home. Then I heard that he was having an affair with Yinhua (an alias). My heart sank with sadness.
On New Year's Day 2008, our whole family was hoping that he would come home for a family reunion dinner, but he didn't. It turned out that he spent the day with Yinhua.
Their relationship was soon made public. When he occasionally came home, he would tell me that Yinhua could help him in his business and that she knew how to measure timber and could write and count. He said I didn't have much education and couldn't help him in his business and so on. I was very upset and started to hate Yinhua.
I was illegally arrested on July 19, 2008, when I was out of town with another practitioner to distribute truth-clarification materials. A month later, we were transferred to the provincial women's forced labor camp.
Meanwhile, Yinhua gave birth to a boy on August 8.
My husband came to see me in the labor camp a year later, on September 9, 2009, to request a divorce.
Given the fact that he and Yinhua were already living as husband and wife and they also had a child, I agreed to the divorce. However, I resented him, and even more so did I resent Yinhua, whom I blamed for taking my husband away from me.
I was released in February and returned home. I didn't have a husband anymore and that really upset me. I hated Yinhua from deep down in my heart.
I saw her a few times at the weddings of our relatives. As a practitioner, I didn't want to give her a hard time, but I failed to control my feelings and did my best to shame her.
I told fellow practitioners about how I cursed Yinhua. They all said that I was wrong and that I had discredited Dafa by behaving like that. They said that I should not hate her and told me about how another practitioner in a similar situation handled the situation. They said she held no resentment towards the woman who had stolen her husband, and she even helped the woman quit the CCP organizations.
I realized I was wrong, but when I ran into her the next time, I couldn't help but curse her again. Afterward, I really regretted my wrongdoing.
The Fa Helped Me Improve My Xinxing and Changed My Attitude
Master taught us in Zhuan Falun:
“Cultivation practice must take place through tribulations so as to test whether you can part with and care less about different kinds of human sentimentality and desires. If you are attached to these things, you will not succeed in cultivation. Everything has its karmic relationship. Why can human beings be human? It is because human beings have sentimentality. They live just for this sentimentality.”
Master also said:
“If you don’t sever emotion, you won’t be able to cultivate. But if you do break out of emotion, nobody can affect you, and ordinary attachments won’t be able to sway you. What replaces it is compassion, which is more noble.” (Zhuan Falun)
Whenever I read these words, I understood that the root of the problem was that I had a deep emotional attachment to my former husband, as well as an intense hatred of Yinhua. All these human sentiments created a big barrier in my cultivation. I realized that I would not be able to succeed in cultivation if I was trapped in such emotions and that they could destroy me. I made up my mind to let go of them.
Three or four years ago, I felt it did not matter to me as much as it did before about my former husband and Yinhua, and I had developed some compassion towards them. I even felt some sympathy for Yinhua. I made up my mind to clarify the truth to her about Falun Gong and help her to quit the CCP organizations so that she would have a bright future. Even though I'd had this change of heart, however, I was bogged down by the issue of “saving face.”
It was not until one day last month that I finally made up my mind to let go of the attachment to saving face. I added Yinhua to my WeChat contacts and called her.
“I'm Danlian,” I said. “Don't be afraid. I'm not trying to cause you any trouble, but I have something very important to tell you. First of all, I would like to apologize to you.”
“Please don't,” she said. “I don't really deserve that.”
“I mean it,” I went on. “I was very rude to you in the past. I was wrong. The Teacher of Falun Dafa, Master Li Hongzhi, teaches us to be good people and to follow the standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. He tells us not to strike back when beaten and not to swear when sworn at, but I swore at you each time I saw you. You put up with me, and I should thank you for it. I'm a Dafa cultivator, but I failed to conduct myself according to Dafa's requirements. Please forgive me.”
“Don't say that,” she said. “It has been more than ten years. I didn't take it to heart. It was mainly my fault. I owe you an apology. I'm very grateful now that you don't hate me anymore and have forgiven me.”
“It's all in the past. Let's forget it,” I said, then asked, “There are so many Falun Gong practitioners in our area. Have they helped you quit the CCP organizations yet?”
She didn't seem to know much about the “quit the CCP” movement, so I explained to her why we need to quit and how to do it. She was very pleased to hear my explanation and asked me to help her quit the Young Pioneers she had joined when she was young.
“You are so kind to me. Thank you very much!” she said emotionally.
I felt really happy for her and told her that I would also help her mom to quit the CCP organizations. She thanked me again and we said goodbye.
After the conversation with my “rival in love,” I felt as if a heavy load had been lifted from my shoulders, and it was such a nice feeling. Yinhua is not my enemy, but a sentient being in my realm, and a loved one in our big family. She helped me let go of my attachment to my former husband and has borne a great burden herself.
As I was writing this sharing, I was inundated with a multitude of feelings and tears kept running down my face.
Thank you, Master, for your compassionate salvation!