(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa 13-years-ago with my dad. As I grew up and matured I went from being a small child to a high school student.
It is every practitioner's responsibility to talk to people about Falun Dafa and the persecution, and cultivating ourselves well through raising our xinxing enables us to do this. Sometimes, our journey may seem long and arduous.
Surrounded by a world filled with temptations many of my attachments surface, such as my attachment to showing off, depending on others, jealousy, a competitive mentality, resentment, fear, liking or disliking people or things, etc... All these attachments have been big obstacles on my path of cultivation. I'd like to share with you what I've learned in the process of letting them go.
Showing Off
Since I was a little child, I knew that I had a strong attachment to showing off. Even when I had the smallest achievement, I eagerly told people, and I was very happy when they admired me. Gradually, this attachment grew. Even though I looked quite humble when people praised me, inside I was bursting with joy.
I knew how serious this attachment was and I wanted to get rid of it. But I found it hard to let it go and I still wanted to show off.
Each time I showed off, I realized that it had happened again and I would be filled with regret and be determined to do better next time. I knew that I should send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it.
At school, the best paintings we had done were to be selected for a public expo. However, when the winners were announced, a classmate whose name sounds similar to mine was selected. I felt disappointed. I knew I should send forth righteous thoughts and let go of this attachment.
Just when I felt calm, the teacher told me that there had been a mix-up and my painting was the one selected.
When I heard this good news, my heart was moved. I felt very happy and wanted to show off. When I saw my thoughts, I realized it was an opportunity to let go of my attachment. I knew that Master had arranged this opportunity for me. I calmed down and sent forth righteous thoughts. Afterward, I felt that I was very peaceful and light.
Cultivating Away Dependence
Master said,
“It isn’t wrong for human beings in this world to yearn with these attachments for beautiful dreams and wishes. But a cultivator definitely shouldn’t be that way. You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the course of cultivation, however, through reading the books, studying the Fa, and diligently making progress, you should clearly recognize what your thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you haven’t gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa. (“Towards Consummation” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Cultivation is serious, and it wasn't until I became an adult that I understood what it means to eliminate attachments. When I was young, my attitude towards Dafa was as Master described in Zhuan Falun, “When an average person hears it, this person will practice it on and off.” When I was a child, my father helped me, and arranged all my activities, like going out to hand out flyers.
I was so used to my father supervising me, that I felt I would stop studying the Fa if he didn't keep reminding me. In 2013, my mother and I came to the United States. Because of my attachment to comfort I slacked off in studying the Fa and doing the exercises, until my father came to the United States two years later.
Before he left China, he had a dream in which he saw big buildings falling like dominoes towards me. I had never noticed my attachment of dependence, in my Fa- study, doing the exercises and also my social life. My attachment became worse. For example, I couldn’t even do household chores without being reminded. I depended on my parents for everything.
Fortunately, with others practitioners' help and by looking within, I eventually became more independent. Although I'm still not diligent in my Fa-study and doing exercises, I feel that I am improving.
Eliminating Jealousy
I never realized that I was jealous, and even when I sometimes noticed it, I would find excuses to cover it up.
At first, I thought jealousy only surfaced when I felt resentment towards people who did better than me. After I studied the Fa, I realized that looking down on others is also a manifestation of jealousy. After I understood this my understanding of what jealousy is changed. I knew that I wasn't able to identify this before because I hadn’t spent much time studying the Fa.
Now when I see my attachment to jealousy surfacing, I immediately send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it. I am thankful that Master has been helping me so that I can improve.
Eliminating the Attachment to Fighting
I only recently noticed that I have an attachment to fighting with others. One way this manifests is when I refuse to listen to others when a problem arises. I refuse to listen to any criticism and feel that I have to prove that I'm correct. I've failed many tests regarding this! Although I see my problem afterward, I just can’t control myself and feel that the other person is being unfair and I can't remember to view the situation based on the Fa. This has gone on for a long time.
When I finally calmed down and looked within, I realized that this was a good opportunity to improve my xinxing. When I feel that I have to defend my point, doesn’t it mean that I have an attachment to fighting? At that moment I felt as though a heavy weight was lifted off me!
I have been cultivating for over ten years, but even an ordinary person is more compassionate than I am. I feel that I've disappointed Master and I know that I should cultivate more diligently.
Thank you, Master, and thank you, fellow practitioners, for giving me opportunities to improve myself. Please point out anything inappropriate.
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