The Miracle of My Life
(Minghui.org) When I was a child, I was a model student. After elementary school, I was admitted to the best middle school in the city. My life was full of joy. I was confident in myself and my future.
Then something unimaginable happened when I was fifteen. I suddenly stopped talking. No matter what people said to me, no matter how they shouted or yelled, I couldn't respond, as if I didn't hear them. This sudden change was a big blow to my family. My mother took me to the most prominent hospital for the best psychologist.
Soon after, I had another symptom which prevented me from attending school. I couldn't stop washing my hands over and over. Even when my skin was raw and peeling from excessive washing, I kept doing it. If I touched something after washing, I would repeat the whole process. I was diagnosed with adolescent obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
My compulsive hand-washing improved after a few months, and I wanted to go back to school. Everyone was happy, especially my mom. She excitedly got me ready. When I returned to class, classmates surrounded me enthusiastically. They told me that the principal thought I would never return to school. My teacher comforted me and told me that I would always have a spot in the class. She also arranged make-up classes for me. I was very touched.
I was determined to catch up on my studies. Then, just a little over a month later, I suddenly couldn't sit still for some reason. I couldn't pay attention in class and felt constantly agitated. I stayed home for a couple of days to rest. I was not ready to resign myself from schooling and forced myself to return to school.
This time I developed an uncontrollable fear and anxiety. Wherever I went, I looked around and avoided people. I sat at my desk doodling randomly. I couldn't focus on the teachers' lectures. When the school day ended, I waited until everyone had gone before I left.
Every morning, I had to summon up the courage to go to school, but returned home disheartened. This went on for a few days. Finally, I realized that it would never work. I was heartbroken as I left school for the last time. I went home and closed the door to my room. I closed the curtain and cried and cried. After that day, I locked myself in my room and refused to talk to anyone.
As time went on, the dosage of my medication increased, yet my symptoms did not improve. Every six months, I was made to step out of my home with my mom briefly. Each time I was horrified, scared and nervous, and it got worse with each outing. The doctor said that I had lost all social functions and had to be hospitalized.
I went to several hospitals and my parents spent a lot of money, but my symptoms only worsened. I couldn't imagine what would happen to me. To end my psychological pain, one day I found my grandmother's medicine. She had pills for high blood pressure, high blood sugar, cardiovascular disease, and pain-killers.
I thought for sure I would die if I took dozens of these pills, so I took a couple handfuls. They only made me sleepy, so I took more. Then I took more.
This went on for days. I once took more than 100 pills at the same time. Nothing happened besides getting drowsy. I was desperate—why couldn't I just die?
My mother discovered what I was doing and she went crazy. She shouted and yelled at me hysterically. Worn out, she cried, “All right, do as you wish.”
I knew she had done everything she could for me, and she probably was feeling worse than I did.
I was determined not to go to the hospital anymore; I just waited for death. I often did not eat or drink for days at a time, but somehow kept living. I locked myself in my room, and only allowed my mother to bring me food, water, and other necessities.
When she delivered what I needed, she had to leave right away. I stopped taking baths or changing my clothes. I urinated and excreted in my room. My room was dirty and smelly. Everyone stayed away.
Years went by; I had lived more than half of my life in my room alone. Friends and family advised my parents to send me to a mental hospital. Whenever someone mentioned the hospital, I went crazy.
I knew my mother suffered as much as I did, probably even worse, but she never committed me to a mental hospital. I often heard her telling people, “I knew many similar cases like hers. They always have relapses when they leave hospitals. We went to all the experts. I have accepted whatever becomes of her.”
I had always been close to my mother. Mom always knew what I wanted. When I got sick, she constantly worried about me. She was also responsible for my maternal grandmother, who lived with us because she couldn't care for herself.
My father had a bad temper. To help me recover and not be disturbed, Mom convinced him to live with my paternal grandfather because my grandfather needed to be taken care of as well.
Even with all my troubles, my mother stayed strong and healthy. Nobody could believe it. When my uncle visited us, he said, “My sister is made of steel.”
I knew that the reason my mother could endure so much was Falun Dafa. She started practicing Falun Dafa in 1995 and had benefited from it greatly. When I first became ill, she advised me to take up the practice. “If you start to study the Fa and do the exercises with me, everything will return to normal,” she said to me.
I didn't believe her. She kept trying to have me learning Falun Dafa. Unfortunately, I was living in a different world then. One day, she brought food to me as usual, then spoke to me sternly, “Your heart is connected to mine. Someday when I leave you, there will be no one taking care of you like I do. I cannot stay with you all your life. I know you don't want to be like this but you feel you can’t get out of this, am I right?”
After 15 years, her words struck my core.
The Tide Turns
I finally agreed to study the Fa and do the exercises with my mother. The first time I did the Falun Standing Stance exercise, I reached the state of calm as my arms were locked in position. I couldn't put them down until the end. I was only able to sit in full-lotus position during the sitting meditation for a little over 10 minutes the first time, but my heart felt light.
I read Master's teachings in Zhuan Falun,
“As a human being, you are a good person only if you can follow this universe’s characteristic of Zhen-Shan-Ren. A person who deviates from this characteristic is truly a bad person.”
I felt very ashamed. My mother was the only person I had contact with since I became ill. Although she did so much for me, I didn't feel any gratitude to her. I wasn't a good person.
The next morning, I walked into the bathroom and started washing myself. I couldn't believe I was doing this as I hadn't been in a bathroom for many years. I cried as I washed myself. This was something I could have never dreamed of.
Afterward, I walked into my grandmother's room to see her. Seeing me outside of my room, she started crying and laughing at the same time.
I was very encouraged and became more diligent in studying the Fa and doing the exercises. Gradually I could sit still to watch television and listen to music. One early morning about two weeks after I started practicing, I woke up feeling completely energized. I had an urge to go outside and jog. I put on clothes and walked outside very naturally. As I walked on the street, everything seemed so natural, the anxiety and nervousness I had experienced before had disappeared completely.
“How did I come outside? I am wandering around on the street. Is this a dream?” I asked myself suddenly. It wasn't a dream. I was finally able to face the world after 15 years. What a gift Master had given me! That moment was earth-shattering for me. I sat on the curb and couldn't stop my tears. I knew some people with my condition never step out of their home their whole life.
After spending a while outside, I decided to go home. I didn't know the time and was concerned that my mother would be worried. When I got home, she was just about to come out and look for me. I buried my head in her arms and cried happy tears.
More than a decade of misery, suffering, depression, and hope had been released like a tidal wave; our tears mixed together as we held each other tightly. Mom kept repeating, “Thank you, Master! I knew this day would come! Thank you, Master, for saving my child!”
I wondered afterward: I had taken all those pills, more than 20 times a normal dosage. Why had nothing happened to me? Was Master already watching over me then?
I See a Mythical Land
Six months after I started practicing Falun Dafa, Master let me see the process of purifying my body in other dimensions. I will never forget it.
One morning as I sat in meditation, I suddenly saw Master's fashen before me, wearing a yellow robe. I hastily greeted Master. I saw a large black bull a few meters away. Its fur was black and shining. A person was trying to lead it away, but it refused to move and insisted that it liked me. Master walked up to the bull. He pointed his finger at the bull and said something. The bull slowly turned and walked away until it disappeared.
I told my mom about what I saw; she believed that the bull represented the illness that I had suffered. Master made it go away. The next morning I saw Master again in meditation. He called me “a young disciple.”
He said, “The path you and your mother are taking is very righteous. As a cultivator, don't forget to send forth righteous thoughts whenever you run into tribulations or troubles. You have Master to help you.” Master also encouraged me to “cultivate well and reach consummation.”
Another day I saw Master teaching the Fa in another dimension. He sat behind a desk with many books on it. A Falun symbol was hung behind him. People knelt in front of Master and listened to him.
After Master finished lecturing, I stayed behind. Master made three small balls, each had the characters “truthfulness, compassion, tolerance” on them. He threw the balls on my head and told me to be a true cultivator.
A week later I saw a vast expanse of green grass and flowers while in meditation. The flowers were in all sorts of bright colors and emitted sweet scents. Suddenly Master appeared with a small basket in his left hand. The basket was full of flower petals of different colors.
Master walked up to me and lay flower petals on my head. Some of the petals stuck to my clothes. Master then put down the basket. With a small pail on his left hand and a small broom in his right hand, he gently spread water on the petals over my head. He wore a mask.
After a while, he spread another layer of flower petals on me, then spread water on the petals again. He repeated this several times. Finally, he took off the mask. I could see clearly the sweat on his face. Master smiled at me.
Two days later, I saw Master several times using a glass tube to drain blackish blood from my head. Later he removed snakes, centipedes and other small animals that I didn't recognize out of my head.
I closed my eyes and knelt down in front of Master. I think Master had used the flower petals and fragrance to draw out these bad creatures. A few days later, I saw Master carefully injecting fresh blood and a white liquid into my head. He had given me a brand new life.
A week later, I saw Master again. This time he didn't say anything. He stepped on a white cloud and slowly moved away.
The next morning, I saw a beautiful grass field with flowers. The scene from another dimension was so beautiful. Everything was new to me. I was so happy. I saw a very big crab come to me. I had never seen such a big crab. He followed me around. I got a little scared as there was nobody around. I yelled, “Why are you following me? You are annoying!”
The crab to my surprise answered, “You fool. I am a good crab. Master sent me here to protect you.”
My maternal grandmother is 82. She is so happy watching me getting better day by day. “Falun Dafa is good,” she always says. “It is a miracle that my granddaughter is back. She looks so young, too, no more than 20.”
One day before the Chinese New Year, I saw Master and he said to me, “I will help you clean your room so you can have a good New Year celebration.” A few days later, I saw Master's Fashen at our door.
On this Chinese New Year, I saw friends and family that I had not seen for many years. They couldn't believe their eyes. I had changed so much; they still remembered me when I was fifteen and I was 32. They all believe the extraordinary power of Falun Dafa now. My uncle also started practicing Falun Dafa.