Looking Inside Brings a New Perspective
(Minghui.org) I am a practitioner who has cultivated for more than two decades. Through the process of cultivation, I have met many obstacles.
I started to practice Falun Dafa in 1998 when my son was nine years old. After I started cultivating, I assimilated myself to Dafa's standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Tolerance and no longer argued with my family members over trifles.
As a result, they all approved of Falun Dafa and would help me spread the truth of Dafa on many occasions.
After my son graduated from high school, I had high hopes for him and wished he could do well in the world by proving himself and gaining the respect of his ancestors.
As time went by, this attachment grew stronger. However, I did not view it as an attachment, but merely as the hopes that a mother has for her child, which I felt were natural thoughts to have.
Yet, the more I wished that he could be successful and be a model child, the more he would go astray, even to the point where he did all kinds of bad deeds. He would constantly get himself into trouble, making me feel fatigued both physically and mentally.
I bemoaned how my child was such a disappointment and constantly made me lose face. Due to embarrassment, it was hard for me to look my relatives and friends in the eye.
It dawned on me that my child would give me harsh looks when he came home. Home for him was like a hotel: he would come and go as he wished.
I felt that the distance between my son and I increased day by day, and I developed another attachment: the fear of losing my child. This attachment caused me great pain.
For an extended period of time, I could not process any of the Fa that I studied, and neither could I clear my mind when doing the exercises.
I knew that the problem was in me, and was very frustrated over my own cultivation state; I really needed to change!
I decided to return my heart to the right state by copying the Fa by hand. I spent four months doing that, and through the process, I experienced a multitude of symptoms, like hand pains, waist pains, and unclear eyesight.
I knew that I had to break free from those obstructions. The symptoms disappeared after I started having righteous thoughts.
As I copied more and more, my thoughts calmed down more and more. Then more attachments surfaced; they were exposed one after the other.
These attachments included resentment, jealousy, self-abasement, lust, fear, rejection or criticism from others, attachment to family members and the desire to have a good life amidst ordinary people.
After seeing that I had so many human attachments, I felt shocked from the realization that I have cultivated for so many years. I never truly cultivated but only sought superficial things.
When I encountered conflicts, I would always think of myself as being the correct one and that other people were wrong. Isn’t this going against the Fa?
I knelt in front of Master Li's picture and repented. I have brought with me my filthy thoughts and attachments through these many years of cultivation!
I always required my child to do well, and live up to my standards. However, every person has their own life.
Is that something I can influence? Isn’t the behavior of my child directed towards my human attachments?
Isn’t my child helping me to cultivate? Why do I always want to change others but not myself?
“After falling into a world that is, by comparison, most filthy, instead of cultivating yourself to go back in a hurry, you don’t let go of those filthy things that you cling to in this filthy world, and you even agonize over the most trivial losses.” (“True Cultivation” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
After I enlightened to all of this, I corrected our relationship. I realized that I had to cultivate myself well, change myself, and walk the path that Master arranged for me.
I have to use the Fa to measure my every word and action and cultivate my every thought well. When Master has not given up on a disciple that has been passive for over a decade, what do I have that I cannot let go of?
Isn’t the bad behavior that my child has shown caused by my attachments? Isn’t my cultivation environment caused by my own human things?
I started to send forth righteous thoughts and do what Master arranged, reject all other arrangements, remove the attachments I have formed, and assimilate to the Fa.
Anything that is not what Master arranged should be eradicated. The evil is not worthy of using my son to create financial difficulties.
Getting My Priorities Straight Changed Everything
After getting my priorities straight, everything fell into place. I was able to concentrate when sending forth righteous thoughts and stopped getting distracted when doing the exercises. I also would no longer be sleepy during Fa study. I felt like I found my former self.
My child’s behavior also changed drastically. He recovered to be the thoughtful child he was before, and he easily got a good job for himself.
I soon developed a deeper understanding of Masters words:
“After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!” (Zhuan Falun)
“For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference IX)
Category: Improving Oneself