Letting Go of Attachments and Improving Myself in Cultivation
(Minghui.org) It has been more than half a year since my tongue became as hard as a rock, and my mouth was not producing saliva at times. When I got up in the morning my tongue would stick to the top palate. I had to use my hand to move it and wait until I could salivate so I could eat and speak.
Tongue Problem Worsens
I knew that I must have problems with my cultivation of speech. Looking within helped me find many attachments, such as my speech not being in line with the Fa, gossiping about fellow practitioners, having a show-off mentality, and being unwilling to listen to criticism. I was also not doing well with clarifying the facts to everyday people.
I repeatedly studied the Fa related to cultivating speech and found many attachments. I tried to remove them one by one, but I didn't improve. I had read many articles about how fellow practitioners looked within, found their attachments, eliminated them, and then whatever discord or problem they faced disappeared. But I still faced discord and problems.
More time passed and my tongue became so hard that it scratched my lips. Whenever I spoke my top lip would stick to my teeth and wouldn’t go down. I was very embarrassed.
Finding Attachment to “Self”
I asked my husband to have breakfast with me one morning, but he lost his temper because he was playing games on his cell phone. I became furious and argued with him until he left for work.
I knew that I was in the wrong as soon as he left. I knelt in front of Master’s photo, cried, and promised to stop arguing with my husband.
I remembered how my husband supported me. When I was arrested by the police my husband followed them to the police station and told them about Dafa. His family wanted him to divorce me, so he told me to speak less when I was at his family’s house. He had suffered a lot because of me. The longer I thought about it, the worse I felt about myself.
“As a cultivatorOne always looks for one’s own faults‘Tis the Way to get rid of attachments most effectivelyThere’s no way to skip ordeals, big or small[During a conflict, if you can remember:]“He’s right,And I’m wrong,”What’s to dispute?” (“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong” from Hong Yin III)
When my husband came home that evening I said, “It's my fault that I lost my temper this morning. I know you're depressed but you shouldn't blame me. You should blame Jiang Zemin (the former CCP head). He started the persecution against practitioners. We all need to file criminal complaints against him.”
I continued, “The police vehicle came to your work unit. People may think that you had done something wrong. You can explain to them that it is because your wife filed a criminal complaint against Jiang. There's nothing for you to fear?”
My husband felt much better after hearing this.
I also explained why I sued Jiang, and suggested that he and our child also file a complaint. He accepted my suggestion, but was still upset with me for not informing him ahead of my filing a criminal complaint against Jiang.
My suing Jiang put huge pressure on him. This situation was meant to uplift my xinxing, but I didn't think of my family before doing so.
I now understand that my husband and child’s bad words towards me were a mirror of my bad words to others. No matter whom I talked with, as long as that person held a different opinion, I would argue and try to prove that I was in the right. I was defending myself in my mind and what I finally said were not nice words. I only now realize that my biggest attachment was the attachment to “self.”
Passing the Test
After finding my attachment to self, I immediately felt saliva accumulate in my mouth, and my tongue could move freely. I was so excited, as this was the first time that my looking within resulted in an improvement in my cultivation state.
When I encountered sickness karma in the past I looked within, but still relied on Master and the Fa to resolve the problem. This time, I walked out of sickness karma because I truly searched within.
“Once you upgrade your xinxing, your body will undergo a great change. Upon xinxing improvement, the matter in your body is guaranteed to transform.” (Zhuan Falun)
From that day on I used the Fa principles to identify my attachments. I treat my husband and child well, and over time they reciprocated. I also changed my behavior towards my mother-in-law and her daughter, as I held resentment against them before. They quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations, and we now live harmoniously.
“You have to search inside yourself when you encounter problems. As I said earlier, it’s not because others treat you improperly, but rather that there’s something wrong on your part. For example, if the grand cosmic body is in harmony but there is discordance on your part, and a knotty situation occurs only where you are, you are the one who isn’t in accord with others. When you spot the cause within yourself and correct that problem, the situation will become harmonious and calm, and everyone will treat you nicely once again.“ (Lecture at the First Conference in North America)
I no longer insist that I'm always right when with others, and use the Fa’s principles to harmonize our relationship.