(Minghui.org) I am a young Falun Dafa practitioner who has practiced Dafa for six years. I am ashamed for sometimes ignoring practitioners’ experience-sharing articles on the Minghui website, and for not being diligent enough to do what Dafa practitioners ought to do. Besides, I have ignored my shortcomings so often, causing problems in my cultivation.
During my time cultivating, I’ve studied Falun Dafa on my own and cultivated in a solo state. I’ve read Dafa books, watched Master’s exercise teaching video, sent righteous thoughts, and produced and distributed truth clarification materials by myself.
Envy of Overseas Practitioners
I read an article on Minghui yesterday that spoke of a practitioner who envied overseas practitioners because they could attend group Fa studies, Fa conferences, activities to clarify the truth, and see Master.
I also envied those young practitioners performing for the Shen Yun Performing Arts for having such a good environment and for being guided by Master personally.
The people I envied most were the overseas practitioners who could openly contact each other and validate the Fa together. When encountering a xinxing tribulation or facing ordeals, they could find someone to discuss it with. If one was passive and down, one would be able to pass the difficulty with the help of other practitioners.
I was lacking all those conditions, even though I knew that Master was beside me. I realized this envy was an attachment, but could not shake it.
Feeling the Loneliness
Dafa disciples in China all understand the situation we face. The old forces filled the minds of the Chinese people with anger against Falun Dafa; thus, it has been very hard to clarify the truth to them.
These people would think that I had ill intentions once I told them about Falun Dafa. When being asked to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations, they were on the defensive and feared they would be harmed—I had to deal with these challenges all by myself. I kept thinking that if I could see another practitioner, the situation would be much better.
The biggest issue I encountered during my cultivation was being alone. Every day I studied the Fa, but I was alone in doing so. The closest I could come to another practitioner’s thoughts were Minghui articles.
I would wonder, “Is my thought on this particular issue right or wrong? Can I do it this way or not?” I could not remember how many times I went down a dead end and how many times I became depressed after failing to pass a xinxing test.
Deteriorating Cultivation State
My cultivation state did not deteriorate all at once, but it happened little by little. My heart of hoping to be diligent and to do better was eaten away, bit by bit. When I realized the seriousness of my problem, I was in a bad cultivation state. It was extremely painful to resume being diligent in such a state. Until I could identify the true reason causing my problems and remove it, I had to struggle with that painful state.
Because of being busy at work for the past two months, I slacked off in my cultivation. When I realized it, my cultivation state seemed to be destroyed. When I wanted to study the Fa, I would have a headache and could not concentrate. I knew it was very dangerous to be muddle-headed and sleepy every day.
No one could remind me that my current state was not good. No one could help me walk out of my bad situation even though I was very scared. No one accompanied me when distributing Falun Dafa informational materials and putting up Dafa posters. Yet I always longed to find another practitioner.
I began to realize that this was the attachment of dependency. My cultivation path was arranged by Master, and I had to walk it by myself—with only Master by my side. I thought: I am still envied by all divine beings, however, so what am I afraid of?
But when a problem arose and I fell down, I was attached to regretting and wondering why I should be on such a cultivation path. I made big detours and tumbled many times, but I still thought I could have been able to avoid all of it if I were with another practitioner.
Process of Cultivation
Articles on Minghui reminded me that, although I could not talk with other practitioners face to face, I could still be part of website communications.
I began to think: “What could I share? I have not cultivated well, and I have not done the three things well. So what can I communicate? It seems there is nothing I could write.”
I suddenly realized that despite a stressful environment, my perseverance with telling the truth about Falun Dafa was cultivation. During the process, the setbacks, hard times, regrets, and the feeling of being wrongly treated were all part of the process of my cultivation.
Besides, plum blossoms never refused to open when no one was around! They quietly blossomed in severe coldness and gave off a pleasant fragrance. I am like a plum blossom, I thought. Even my nickname was Amei in my childhood—Mei means plum blossom.
My cultivation itself was to clarify the Fa. How could an average person do these things without Dafa’s guidance and righteous thoughts? I failed to do things well because of my cultivation state, and thus I needed to be more diligent and solidly cultivate.
Master gave me hints in my dreams, asking me to be diligent. Master did not give up on me for my lack of true diligence. I read on Minghui once, “Except Master, no one wishes us to cultivate successfully.” No words could express my feelings. Only a true practitioner is capable of feeling the true meaning of this line.
I had been passive instead of proactive, and my cultivation had reached a dangerous state.
I would like to use this opportunity of sharing my experience to show my firm will to cultivate! In a corner of China, one little plum blossom shall definitely blossom well through severe coldness. And I shall quietly do well the things that a Dafa practitioner should do.
Master said:
“We outshine other flowers, though we won’t competeIn the biting cold, we alone give off the fragranceTen years of fierce winds tried to break our branchesNow the sky is clearingAnd snow on the branches melting awayThe plum blossoms are filling the courtyard” (“Ever More Beautiful” from Hong Yin III)
