(Minghui.org) I am a single parent who lives with my married daughter. In 2013, I helped my daughter and son-in-law buy a house and even paid part of their loan installments.
In the one-and-a-half years after my granddaughter was born, I had to get along with my daughter's mother-in-law and her family.
It was an excruciating cultivation process for me to change how I treated them. I went from treating them with contempt to respecting them, and from being calculating about everything to being altruistic.
During this process, my co-mother-in-law also went from not understanding why I practice Falun Gong to persuading 20 people in her family to quit the Chinese Communist Party. She also distributes truth-clarification materials in her spare time.
Below is my cultivation experience:
Removing the Attachment to Personal Gain
After my daughter gave birth in 2016, she hired a confinement nanny to help her with taking care of things right after the pregnancy.
As my co-mother-in-law and I lived only 10 minutes apart, she would come to my house every day to help out. One day, I heard her telling the nanny that she and her husband went to Hong Kong and spent 30,000 yuan.
I felt uneasy immediately and thought: “You said you didn't have money to help your child buy a house or pay the loan, yet you spent 30,000 yuan for your trip. If you had given the 30,000 yuan to the children, then I wouldn't have to fork out so much money.”
The more I thought about it, the angrier I became and the more grievances I felt towards her.
I had previously told my daughter not to get angry at her mother-in-law when she didn't give them any money to pay for the house. I even said to her that maybe her parents-in-law really had no money since they'd already retired.
Master said,
“… no matter what makes you feel unpleasant inside, and no matter whether on the surface you’re right or wrong, if you are to truly regard yourself as a cultivator you should always examine yourself for causes.” (“Lecture at the First Conference in North America”)
Master also said,
“But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate you psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make you improve.” (Zhuan Falun)
I looked within: “Why do I feel uncomfortable? What's the reason behind it? Oh, it is due to a very strong attachment to personal gain. There's also resentment, bitterness, and feeling unfair.”
I had initially thought that I was not attached to money. But now that the attachment had surfaced, I must eliminate it.
I said to Master, “Master, I was wrong. This attachment to personal gain was not from me. I don't want it. I will remove it. Master, please help me.”
I quickly felt very relaxed.
To remove the attachments, I increased the number of times I sent forth righteous thoughts.
Though the attachment to personal gain would occasionally surface in my thoughts, demanding that I have the other family pay for things, I would quickly take notice and remove it.
Now, I am no longer particular about gains in ordinary society.
Putting Others Before Myself
Improving my xinxing was not smooth sailing when my co-mother-in-law and I took turns taking care of the baby.
Sometimes, my co-mother-in-law would say that she was not feeling well and needed to rest for one to two months. Other times, she would go traveling, and she absolutely must rest at home during weekends. In addition to all this, my daughter would suddenly get angry at me when I was extremely tired.
There were times when I could tolerate it, but sometimes I couldn't and had to recite Master's Fa:
“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?” in Essentials For Further Advancement)
There wee also times when I asked Master to help me as I recited silently, “Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!”
Though I still continued to go out to clarify the facts and persuade people to do the three withdrawals, I felt that cultivation was extremely hard.
From reading experience sharing articles on Minghui.org, I understood that all the tribulations in our cultivation path were arranged by the old forces. So I sent out a thought: I want to completely negate all the arrangements by the old forces and persistently walk the path of Fa-rectification arranged by Master.
Once, when my co-mother-in-law said that her blood pressure had increased, I told her that she would be fine and sent out a strong thought to the old forces: I won't let them interfere with my doing the three things, and Master has the final say.
The next day, when she came to my home, she said that everything was fine.
From then on, she would bring the baby back to her house every morning from Monday to Friday and bring her back in the evening. This gave me more time to do the three things. In 2017, I persuaded 256 to 400 people to withdraw every month.
During the time when my co-mother-in-law and I took turns looking after the baby, I would require myself to “consider others first” when resolving problems.
Though our financial situation is better than my son-in-law's family, I tried not to speak to them in a forceful tone and to respect their opinions.
When getting along with them, I would always look within whenever I discovered that I had shortcomings.
I promptly removed the attachment to looking down on my co-mother-in-law when I saw that she was unkempt in her lifestyle. I eliminated my self-centeredness when I saw her speaking forcefully. I cut out my attachment to zealotry when I saw that she would easily show off herself, and I removed my own selfishness when I saw it in her.
If I saw that she had done something wrong, I would tell her that everything was fine and later correct her mistake quietly without telling my daughter.
I know that everyone who helps me upgrade my xinxing acts as a mirror that shows my human attachments; I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I also know that everything that we do on the path of cultivation will be used as examples in the future. Thus, I must handle my family relationships well and walk my path of cultivation righteously.
During the process of cultivation, I always reminded myself to look within even when I was already in tears. Only through improving myself and using a Dafa disciple's thoughts and actions can I exhibit a Dafa disciple's morality and save those around me.
When dealing with my co-mother-in-law and her family, I told myself, “Everything is based on saving people, so the rest is trivial.”
Gradually, I got along harmoniously with them. When she sees me going out to clarify the truth and persuade people to do the three withdrawals, she will always tell me to be careful.
She even persuaded 20 people in her family to quit the CCP and distributed truth-clarification materials to every household.
Now, when my co-father-in-law comes over and notices that something in my house has worn out or needs to be replaced, he will proactively buy them for me or repair them.
As a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple, I will cherish this cultivation opportunity and do the three things well. I must also cleanse my every thought so that Master won't have to worry about me in the future.
