Looking Inward, Discovering My Selfishness, and Realizing that Master Has Been Looking After Us
(Minghui.org) No one in my family believes in and supports my practicing Falun Dafa.
My uncle not only puts pressure on me but also on my family, demanding that they watch me, not let me read Falun Dafa books or contact other practitioners. As soon as I go out, my wife follows me.
My uncle took away all the Dafa books he could find. Later, my wife refused to let me keep books as well. In order to protect my Dafa books, I had to keep them at a fellow practitioner’s house. Then, when my wife wanted to take away Master’s Fa teaching tapes, I told her that I would move out of our home if she tried to tell me not to listen to the recorded lectures.
This thought of moving out of my home became so strong that I could not calm down when doing the exercises. I began to worry that upon returning home I would find that Master’s Fa teaching recordings had been taken away.
Since this thought strongly interfered with me, I looked inward and realized that I should rectify everything that is incorrect. I felt that I was passively enduring the persecution from the old forces instead of negating it. As a Falun Dafa practitioner, I should clarify the truth to my family and create my own cultivation environment instead of allowing the old forces to make arrangements for me. When holding onto this thought, the lingering pressure on my mind suddenly disappeared. I began to talk to my family about Falun Dafa and its goodness.
Correcting an Unbalanced Mind
The manager from another department at work asked us to install projectors in his department. I immediately felt uneasy, and thought that this should be a job for the people in his department, especially since they were idle. I thought that he was bullying us. Although I knew quite well that this mentality of mine was wrong, I still felt unbalanced in my heart and thought of refusing to do it.
After doing the exercises that evening, I realized that since Master arranged this matter, I should not complain in my mind and instead, I should look within and determine why I held such wrong thoughts.
The first attachment I found was that I thought that someone else had a bad intention. Perhaps that manager didn’t intend to bully us but simply thought that we had more experience with installing projectors and preparing a place for meetings. I found that I was too narrow-minded.
Then I realized that I had the attachment of arguing without considering others' feelings. This was the attachment of competitiveness and a demonstration of selfishness. Have I been considerate of others?
Master said: “In the meantime, we have to consider the interests of others in all situations.” (“Lecture at the First Conference in North America”) I concluded that I was too far away from Master's requirements and changed my attitude.
My Competitiveness Exposed
From Monday to Thursday, I live in accommodations provided by my workplace, and take advantage of a delicious breakfast in the cafeteria every morning. I would choose a table with easy access to the buffet. Later, I decided to sit even closer to the buffet.
While having breakfast one morning, I realized that my thoughts did not meet the requirements of Dafa. Master said. “…he will gain more benefits while others will suffer more losses.” ( Zhuan Falun)
I realized that I thought only about myself without putting others first. Although it is a minor issue, it has still reflected my mentality of selfishness and competitiveness. I eliminated this selfishness and no longer worry about getting a good spot in the cafeteria.
Attachment to Fame
My company held a conference for enterprises in the field of science and technology. I suddenly came up with a very good opening speech and felt happy in my heart. I thought that if I gave the opening speech, I would certainly receive a lot of applause. I wondered about giving the speech instead preparing it for my boss.
Every evening before I go to bed, I tend to recite “On Dafa” (Lunyu). This time after reciting the first sentence,“Dafa is the wisdom of the Creator” (Zhuan Falun), an idea occurred to me. The Creator has unselfishly imparted his wisdom to the world, so why can’t I let go of my wanting to give the opening remarks? Why is my attachments to pursuit and fame still so strong?
I let go and turned the opening remarks I had written over to my boss. I let finally go my attachment to fame.
Maintaining Correct Thoughts Under All Circumstances
I recently went to a private university to interview for the position of lecturer. While waiting for my appointment, I overheard those who'd also interviewed for this position talking about how disappointing the private university students were. They said that the students were not good at their studies and were troublemakers.
At this moment, I turned and saw a boy with long hair coming toward us. He looked very arrogant.
On seeing this, I felt very bad but I immediately questioned why I had such a feeling. I realized that this is the attachment of selfishness. I should bear in mind that I am a Falun Dafa practitioner who assists Master in saving sentient beings during this Dharma-ending period. Shouldn’t these disappointing students be saved by our truth-clarification? Aren’t all human beings now such “disappointing students”? And Master has never given up on any of us. I vaguely experienced Master’s sadness.
I have always been very negative and felt incapable of doing anything well. Before applying for the position of lecturer, however, I prepared myself for the interview.
It turned out that I'd done my teaching plan very well, which made me particularly pleased. When I demonstrated how I gave lectures, I presented well with very good results. I realized that I do have the wisdom, but I do not put my mind and heart in it!
Although I am not as diligent as other practitioners, I do feel that Master has been encouraging and protecting me – Master indeed does cherish us more than we do. I hope that other practitioners like me will not become despondent. In fact, Master has been looking after us and encouraging us to be diligent.