Discovering My Problem of Being Unable to Take Criticism
(Minghui.org) I used to think that I had no problem accepting criticism, so whenever I read articles about this on Minghui.org I felt that I could take the criticism and learn from it. However, something happened recently that made me realize that I wasn't able to take criticism, and it was the main factor that drove me to change jobs many times.
Whenever I felt a company leader did not treat me fairly or misunderstood me, I became angry and upset. I would then move on and find another job.
This year, I changed jobs again, and I found a position in a different company. It was a relatively new company and I was the only office clerk there, so there wasn't much to do at first. The environment was quiet, so I listened to Minghui Radio and read cultivation articles online in my spare time.
When I was hired for the job, the boss told me that the previous employee was lazy and played video games during working hours. I understood that he told me this because he wanted a responsible and trustworthy person. I knew that as a Falun Dafa practitioner my words and behavior also validate the Fa.
When I was first hired, I took on tasks that weren't assigned to me. I added additional functions to the company's website and uploaded photos. This saved our company money. However, it was difficult to be persistent, and after maintaining the company's website for awhile I began to have some improper thoughts.
Since I was working on the website the boss ended the contract with the out-sourced web company, saving a lot of money. I thought I was entitled to some of it and expected to receive a bonus or a pay raise. After several days, my disappointment turned into resentment.
Throughout the following days, I stopped maintaining the website and spent more time on my smartphone. When the boss discussed his plan to expand the business, my comments were unkind because I was still upset over not receiving a bonus.
I was filled with resentment and my job performance was going down. That month, I received the smallest pay since I had joined the company.
My Dafa truth-clarification project also ran aground. What was my problem? I tried to improve, but nothing made my efforts more effective.
While I was browsing Minghui.org a few days later, the first three articles I read were about the attachment of refusing to accept criticism. I wondered if this was a coincidence or a hint?
“Many gods are whispering in my ear, “Your Dafa disciples won’t stand for anyone being critical of them. Just one word and they explode. Could it work if others aren’t allowed to criticize them? How are they supposed to cultivate if they can’t take criticism? What kind of cultivator does that amount to?” and similar things to that effect.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)
Was Master talking about me? I just made a significant contribution to the company. I was proud of it and thought that I was entitled to some reward. When I didn't receive any acknowledgment, I became upset and angry. Is this the way a practitioner should behave?
When I took a hard look at myself, the fact was that I couldn't accept criticism and felt wronged.
I thought about my truth-clarification project, and realized that the same problem was blocking me – I couldn't take criticism.
My attachment was being taken advantage of by the old forces. This was a serious issue in my cultivation. Feeling resentful for not receiving any reward for saving the company money is the attachment to personal gain.
After I identified my attachments, I felt something that had been clogging my chest was removed. I felt enveloped in a field of sacredness and purity. I asked Master to strengthen me so that I could let go of these attachments.
Many people may not know the truth about Falun Dafa and will judge Dafa by practitioners' actions and behavior. Our words and deeds validate the Fa. If someone feels that a practitioner is a good person, clarifying the truth to them will be much easier.
Thank you Master for saving us and giving us wisdom!