Correcting My Mentality and Getting Rid Of Fear
(Minghui.org) I was fearful, ill-tempered, selfish, and sharp-tongued before practicing Falun Dafa. I also didn’t take risks due to the fear. By joining group Fa-study, I’ve let go of old notions, gained a clear mind, and become happy.
Although I had released much of my fear, I couldn’t get rid of it completely. My anxiety only grew stronger after the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Dafa on July 20, 1999. The fear was like a thick wall that blocked me from participating in activities with practitioners, and in all these years I didn’t know diligent practitioners were still attending group study.
Two practitioners learned that I was practicing in my own at home and invited me to join their study group. They were husband and wife and had just been released from a detention center. They had been illegally arrested for distributing truth clarification materials. Because I was afraid of being targeted by CCP agents who I thought might be watching them, I said that my daughter-in-law was having a baby soon. I said I couldn’t attend because I had to help take care of her.
Other practitioners noticed my fear and had an in-depth conversation with me about it. They encouraged me to study with the group as often as I could. I then agreed to join the group study, and the results were great. I realized that, as long as I want to cultivate, Master can help me.
I’ve now been in this Fa-study group for nine months, and my xinxing has improved, I have a more in-depth understanding of the Fa, and I have rid myself of distorted human notions. Along with changes in my body, my fear disappeared and I feel as calm and peaceful as I was before the persecution began.
Fellow practitioners often discuss how we should eliminate our human limitations, but I didn’t understand how to do so. When a practitioner noticed my shortcomings, she said that I needed to overcome selfishness.
I started to think about what it meant to negate human selfishness. I then realized that it means to let go of notions and attachments such as fame, profit, and sentimentality. Not being able to let go of these attachments exposed my selfishness, which stopped me from breaking through the human level.
“Let go of ordinary people’s mentalityObtaining Fa, one is already immortalLeap out of the Three RealmsAscend to heaven in a Buddha body” (“Saving Beings Far and Wide” from Hong Yin)
Master also taught us:
“From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” from Essentials For Further Advancement)
If I couldn’t let go of my human side, I couldn’t be selfless. So why didn’t I understand it when practitioners told me to restrain my human side? It was because I held on to my human attachments. Even though I studied the Fa, I did not embrace the Fa. When I didn’t really absorb the Fa, I was just a human. I then began doing my best to cultivate and using the Fa as the standard to measure my thoughts and actions when encountering problems.
In our group, we have a practitioner who had to leave his home and rent a place to live due to the persecution. Local practitioners decided to study the Fa together at his place. I told them that since my understanding of the Fa wasn’t clear, I couldn’t offer much help. I said they should just go without me. My behavior was based on fear. One practitioner pointed out that there seemed to be an attachment behind my words.
Deep down, I knew I had made up an excuse to avoid going to the practitioner's place. Whenever there was a risk, my “selfishness” immediately surfaced. However clearly I saw the selfishness in myself, I didn’t reject it. Instead, I always protected my human side and covered up my divine side. Without rectifying selfishness, my righteous thoughts couldn’t emerge.
I realized that righteous thoughts come from the Fa but selfishness doesn’t have the power of Fa. Selfishness is arranged by the old forces. If I don’t reject those thoughts, I would be walking on the path arranged by the old forces.
“I can tell you, they interfere with people and interfere with people's thinking, not only from the outside, they can also pass through the human body.” (Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference)
I realized that fear is also alive and that I had to proactively rid myself of it. I realized that I should cooperate with the whole group and assimilate to the Fa. I then went to the practitioner's home. I shed tears while I was thinking about the situation. I knew that many lives in my dimensional field had been saved by my decision. It also made me realize how important righteous thoughts are for a cultivator.
The Difference Between Cultivation and Handling Tasks
A practitioner was facing a trial in half a month due to persecution, but he hadn’t sent his information to Minghui.org. I urged him to send an article quickly in order to get help from practitioners overseas. Another said to me, “Don’t worry. Cultivating his xinxing is the most important part of this process. Don’t handle it just as a needed step.”
I was struck by his words and saw the difference in levels between us: I was only thinking about how to prevent the practitioner from going through a trial. However, this practitioner was looking at the situation from the standpoint of cultivation: getting rid of attachments during the process of facing tests. I was handling tasks while he was cultivating. We were worlds apart!
I realized that for so many years, I was treating cultivation as finishing duties instead of improving my xinxing. I thus missed a lot of opportunities to improve myself.
Thank you, Master, for your benevolent salvation, and thank you, fellow practitioners, for your compassion in allowing me to be a part of the group study and helping me to see my shortcomings.