New Practitioner: Overcoming Difficulties During Sitting Meditation
(Minghui.org) I started Falun Dafa cultivation at the end of 2013. I want to share my experience of overcoming difficulties during the sitting meditation.
I can use one word to describe the process of my sitting meditation: painful. When I started to practice, I was not able to cross even one leg (in the half-lotus position). My left knee had a problem, and my right foot was not on top of the left leg. Both my knees were pointing high, instead of lying flat on the floor. It really could not be counted as half-lotus position. Although fellow practitioners did not say anything, I felt embarrassed. I could only endure sitting in this position for a few minutes in the beginning. After a long time, I could sit only in half lotus for half an hour.
At the beginning of 2016, I got in touch with another local Falun Dafa practitioner. Through her, I was able to join a local group where we studied the Fa and did the exercises together. Everyone could meditate with two legs crossed (in the full-lotus position) for one hour. I admired them. But I could not do that even for one minute. No one knew how bad I felt about myself.
Attachment of Fear and Resentment
The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started another round of persecution of Falun Dafa practitioners before the 19th National Congress in October 2017. Three local Falun Dafa practitioners were arrested. One of them was the coordinator who I studied the Fa with. Soon after, I experienced life and death tribulations twice.
The atmosphere was depressing. I felt my attachment of fear and resentment surfacing. I could not bear the pressure. I knew that my cultivation state was not right but felt helpless about it.
I told my son who did not practice, “Falun Dafa is good. But, it may not be right for me. I don't want to practice anymore.”
Master gave me a hint via my son's mouth: “You do not want to practice because of this trivial little thing?” I picked up the book Zhuan Falun again.
“One should return to one’s original, true self; this is the real purpose of being human. Therefore, once a person wants to cultivate, his or her Buddha-nature is considered to have come forth.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I thought, I have to practice since the real purpose of being human is to return to my true self.
Improving Cultivation State
On November 11, 2017, I made up my mind to really improve in my cultivation, read the Fa and do the exercises.
Usually, after work, I would play ball games, go swimming, or go out shopping. Sometimes I watched television. Some practitioners reminded me to focus on practice. But, I still went my own way. At that time, I only had a superficial understanding of Dafa. I knew that Master cleansed my body, and I am healthy without any pain. But I did not realize the seriousness of cultivation. I often slacked off during the past four years and was not very serious about cultivation. I did not study the Fa and do the exercises every day.
At the beginning, it was easy for me to stay home and practice, but it was hard for me to do it every day. Sometimes I could not stand it and went our for a walk. My cultivation state improved after three months. I started to understand some Fa principles. But I did not make much progress in regards to the sitting meditation. I still could only meditate with one leg crossed and the pain was still excruciating. My legs felt cold from the knees down. I needed to wear thermal underwear to keep my legs warm in summer. Otherwise, I would wake up in the middle of the night because of the pain.
Eight months passed by like this and I lost confidence in myself. Looking at my legs, I thought that they were still in such pain when meditating, even though I tried so hard. When would I be able to meditate with both legs crossed? Master saw my determination and passed a message to me: “Constant effort yields success.” I understood. I would be able to meditate with both legs crossed one day. My confidence was boosted.
During the Chinese New Year in 2018, I read a sharing article on the Minghui website. An elderly male practitioner was also in pain when doing the sitting meditation. He started to recite the Fa, and then the pain went away. I was inspired and began to memorize the Fa. Of course, it is easy to say. The process of memorizing and reciting the Fa is also a process of cultivating. It requires time and endurance. It is a process of improving willpower.
I broke my record on July 14, 2018 and I was able to meditate for 20 minutes with both legs crossed. I felt that I could go longer next time. The next day I meditated for 30 minutes. At that moment when I was taking down my legs, part of the door of my bedroom suddenly fell. Why? I realized I broke through the barrier with Master's blessing.
After two months I could meditate for one hour with both legs crossed. Although my posture is not as good as that of other practitioners, I still want to share my journey. I shed tears when writing this sharing.