My Understandings from Looking Inward and Memorizing Zhuan Falun
(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I started cultivation practice in 2010. I would like to share with you my understandings from looking inward, as well as an understanding I had while memorizing Zhuan Falun.
At the beginning of my cultivation, I was very enthusiastic and diligent. I studied at least two or three lectures of Zhuan Falun each day. I also did the exercises and sent righteous thoughts daily. Being in a constant state of improving my xinxing, it was easy for me to look at my attachments and pass the tribulations that I came across.
Although it seemed like I didn't have any pursuits and my heart was pure, the reality was that, deep down inside, I still had the roots of several attachments, such as the show-off mentality, fear, various desires, and jealousy. They came out later during my cultivation and made my cultivation path difficult.
In my second year of practice, I met a practitioner who had her celestial eye opened. She told me many things about myself, my level, and my previous lives. I started developing various attachments and fears. She also told me about the cultivation state of other practitioners, which resulted in my unintentionally looking down on some of them.
This practitioner told me a few things from my past that were true, and because of my low self-esteem and my habit of seeking help from others, I started to believe almost everything she said. Finally, I became dependent on her understandings. At that time, I couldn’t realize how serious that was since I met that practitioner only a few times per year. It took me years to understand how harmful that was, both to me and to the other practitioner.
“This is a very serious issue in cultivation practice. Only through following this Dafa can you do things correctly. You should not follow or listen to him because he has supernormal abilities, supernatural powers, or because he can see some things. You will do him harm, as he will develop the attachment of zealotry...” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture 6)
I'm very sorry for my poor enlightenment quality, not taking the Fa seriously, and not passing this test for so long.
Even though I was a diligent cultivator and did the three things daily, I still held on to old concepts. When this practitioner kept telling me what she was seeing, many times my first reaction was to look outward.
I kept blaming her in my mind for causing me unnecessary interference. Now, I know that it was my attachment of fear and not trusting myself and my understandings that attracted this practitioner’s behavior. I also realized that every attachment tries to block us from looking inward.
When I shared my story above, one practitioner shouted at me, “Both of you have a big show-off mentality. That's why this happened to you!” Many times the answer comes from fellow practitioners’ words, and it is something that we don’t expect or imagine. I finally became clear, and now I trust myself and my own understandings based on the Fa. I am also aware of the show-off mentality that was hidden in me for so long.
The “human mentality” to look outward is still something that I am working on. I have experienced the harmful results of looking outward, even with my mother-in-law, as she has caused me trouble many times. I felt wronged and even considered her as interference, and many times I even developed resentment toward her. Now, I know that this resentment came from my looking outward instead of inward. I had a lack of compassion, and I was worried about my self-interest. Even if a person behaves cruelly to us, there must be a reason.
“Accordingly, in your future cultivation practice you will run into all kinds of tribulations. How can you practice cultivation without these hardships? If everyone is good to one another without conflicts of interests or interference from the human mind, how can your xinxing make progress by your only sitting there? That is impossible.” (Zhuan Falun)
My attachment to protecting myself made me unable to truly believe in Master, and it was very difficult for me to change this bad habit.
“Cultivation practice itself is not difficult, and neither is upgrading one’s level itself difficult. It is because they cannot give up the human mind that they call it difficult.” (Zhuan Falun)
Memorizing the Fa
I was worried about my inability to look inward and be humble, but I feel so grateful to Master that he didn't give up on me.
After many years of wanting to try memorizing Zhuan Falun, I made a breakthrough and started reciting the Fa on a daily basis. I'm very determined to do it over and over until I remember the entire book.
Now, everything in my cultivation looks clearer. Bit by bit, I can separate the bad thoughts from the good, and my main consciousness is growing stronger. When bad thoughts pop up now, I can stop them and get rid of them.
Once, I felt complacent with the bad luck of a person who had hurt me in the past, but immediately I felt alarmed and rejected that thought: “I’m a Dafa disciple, and I want only good things for other people.” I instantly felt that a portion of my thought karma had been cleaned out.
“Once it transpires, one will be tested to see if one can overcome such bad thoughts on one’s own. If one is determined, the karma can be eliminated.” (Zhuan Falun)
Also, for a long time, there was a small dog in my neighborhood that barked and cried all day long. In the beginning, I was upset and blamed the owners of the dog for being irresponsible. But once I looked inward and eliminated my complaining mentality, the dog stopped barking.
I now understand the power of examining every single thought with the Fa and that looking inward can rectify our environment.
While reciting the Fa one day, I realized that at some point in other dimensions, I held on to old principles without having understood them for so long and that they prevented me from assimilating to the Fa.
While I seemed to believe what Master says superficially, in essence, I kept hold of old concepts. For example, I found it difficult to recite the chapter "Qigong is a prehistoric civilization." I looked inward and realized that I had been quite poisoned with scientific theories, and that was why I couldn't easily remember this chapter. When I removed those notions, I could memorize it easily. That is what I understood at my level.
If we cultivate well, we can do the three things well. Without realizing it, sometimes I tend to validate myself or feel proud if I coordinate an important project. This is something I should also get rid of, and I should be aware not to follow old notions.
I have spent all my time on many projects, and although I am quite an active practitioner, I realize that I didn’t put the same effort into improving my xinxing and did many things mechanically. That was somehow related to having a hidden notion that I cannot really change and didn't believe in myself. As I see it now, it is like I didn't trust Master for choosing me as his disciple.
Now, I really want to change and follow Master!
“I also want to tell you that your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness. From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism. So from now on, whatever you do or whatever you say, you must consider others—or even future generations—along with Dafa's eternal stability.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
This is my understanding at my level. Please point out if you find anything inappropriate.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2018 European Fa Conference)