Family Conflicts Took Me from Being Hateful to Grateful
(Minghui.org) My trouble started on the day I joined my husband in the city where he worked. Our child was less than two months old at the time.
My husband, who had previously supported my cultivation, was now against it and threatened me with divorce. His attitude escalated after I started to clarify the truth about Falun Gong and the persecution.
My husband would interrogate me every time I left the house: “Who are you going out with? Where are you going? What will you do? When are you coming back?” He would check the time on my receipts after I came back from the supermarket to see if I made any stops along the way, and he forbade me from contacting fellow practitioners.
It was rarely quiet in our house. A quarrel every other day, a big fight every week, and a “war” once a month became routine. His goal was to make me give up Falun Gong. I was living in a “husband prison.”
My mother-in-law brought me lunch every day. If she saw me doing anything related to Dafa, she would report me to my husband and he would blow up at me when he got home from work.
Sometimes the fights went on until the next morning. He would kick furniture around and once he smashed my cell phone. I was crying and crawling on the floor trying to find it. I was mentally and physically exhausted, and so was he.
I started to hate my husband and resent my mother-in-law. I wanted to be compassionate toward my mother-in-law but it was very hard. I tried to let go of hatred, but it would come back again a moment later. My head was ablaze just hearing the tone of her voice or seeing the look on her face. I held back my anger, sent forth righteous thoughts, and thought about Master's Fa. I asked Master for help. Six months passed but I made no real progress.
A fellow practitioner was about to be sentenced to prison. I thought, “I spend so much time trying to eliminate my hatred toward my mother in law.” I decided not to think about my mother-in-law and just sent forth righteous thoughts for my fellow practitioner. From morning to night, I concentrated on sending forth righteous thoughts whenever possible.
After I had been doing that for a while, I was surprised to realize that I didn't hate my mother-in-law anymore. I tried to think about how my mother-in-law had treated me, and what she had said but I couldn't remember any of it. I still don't remember any of it as I write this sharing. I think that Master saw my eagerness to help a fellow practitioner and helped me erase those unhappy memories.
What really amazed me was that my heart was also no longer moved by my husband's sharp words. I corrected myself whenever he criticized me. I would say to him in my heart, “I am sorry—it is not your fault, the fault is all mine.” I started to learn the deeper meaning of forbearance.
At times when I couldn't endure, Master used my husband's mouth to enlighten me. One time my husband suddenly said, “Aren't you cultivating Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance? Have you achieved them?” I felt so ashamed after hearing him say those words.
Once, after a month of not talking to me, my husband suddenly said, "On either shore the gibbons' chatter sounds without pause, while my light boat skims past thousands of crags.” Master has also reminded us of these words from a famous poem by Li Bai. The next day my husband invited me to dinner where he told me, “My words are sharp, but my heart is all for you. You win.”
My husband was calm and said that I could practice when I am older. He then talked about not permitting me to go out of the house or meet with other practitioners. I said that he had no right to do that. He got angry and threw a tantrum.
I sat crossed legged on the bed and closed my eyes. That made him even angrier. He jumped on the bed and tried to kick me but missed. He screamed, “You just wait and see.” He ran to the kitchen and came back with a knife. He waved the knife around like a madman and shouted, “Do you believe I can kill you?”
My heart stayed very calm. I realized that it was my tone of voice that angered him. He shouted my name and put the knife to my throat. I thought, “My life is in Master's hands, so I will be fine.”
“What are you doing?” I said. “Is this how you treat a weak woman?”
He was stunned, “You are not weak at all. It doesn't matter what I say,” he said. “You just insist on practicing Falun Gong. Look how much we have fought, yet you still want to practice!”
I softened my tone. “Please put away the knife,” I said.
He responded, “I overreacted.”
Suddenly I was filled with guilt. Over the past year, I'd endured his shouting only on the surface. I made it through each of my husband's outbursts because Master was constantly hinting and guiding me. I did not live up to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and improve myself. Furthermore, I didn't really care for my husband at all. Sometimes I was able to hold my words back, but I had ill thoughts in my heart: “I would have divorced you long ago if I weren't a Dafa practitioner.”
I did not show compassion or forbearance toward him. How could I blame him? I shed tears for him in my heart and wanted to save him. So I talked to him again about Falun Gong and the persecution. Even though he did not completely accept what I said, at the end of our conversation he said, “From now on, I won’t be against you practicing Falun Gong, nor will I talk about divorce.” I could not stop crying. I thanked Master.
I reflected on Master's poem:
Countless are the chaotic things in this human worldGratitude and resentment now heaped atop one another,No hope had the wicked of heart, their karma massive‘Tis Dafa that resolves everything at the source(“Undoing the Disaster” from Hong Yin Volume II)
I have been reluctant to write about this because it contains such a sad part of my life. With a deeper understanding of the Fa, however, I have learned to let go of the hatred I held and am grateful to my family for those troubles. It was painful for me to eliminate my attachments to winning disputes and resentment. I now have a bigger heart for others.
I thank Master and Dafa for helping me overcome my grudges and guiding me out of selfishness.