Getting Rid of Hidden Jealousy
(Minghui.org) Master said: “It is because jealousy manifests very strongly in China. It is so strong that it has become natural and people do not even notice it.” (Zhuan Falun)
During the more than 20 years of cultivation, I have read the above Fa more times than I can remember. Yet, I have never really thought that jealousy could apply to me. I have always read through it without paying any particular attention to it, thinking that I have never felt jealous about anything or of anyone.
Today I was again reading the lecture where jealousy is mentioned.
“The two mentalities will produce different results. It can evoke one’s jealousy, for if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people will feel uncomfortable. It can lead to this problem.” (Zhuan Falun)
“The issue of jealousy is very serious as it directly involves the matter of whether or not you can complete cultivation. If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Righteous Fruition—absolutely not. Perhaps you have heard before that Buddha Amitabha spoke of going to a paradise with karma. But that is not going to happen without giving up jealousy. It may be possible that one falls short in some other minor regards and goes to the paradise with karma for further cultivation. But it is absolutely impossible if jealousy is not abandoned.” (Zhuan Falun)
As I was reading this passage in the Fa, I wasn’t sure if it was Master giving me hints or that I was breaking through to a higher level. A very unpleasant and terrible feeling struck me and I burst into tears. All of a sudden, events and scenes of jealousy from my own life came into my mind.
When my husband’s sister’s kid gained entrance to a university, we all, including my husband’s siblings and their families went to congratulate them. However, when our own kid got into a university, no one said anything, so I felt jealous. How well my husband’s many siblings got along with one another is also a source of jealousy for me. I was particularly jealous when none of my husband’s siblings seemed to care about us when we grew old and became sick given that we used to take care of them a lot when they were little.
I tended to say things in front of the siblings that caused frictions amongst them. The worst instance of jealousy came about at the beginning of the year. My husband was to have an operation and so was his sister’s child whose operation was scheduled two days earlier than my husband’s. My husband’s operation was more serious in comparison. However, all his siblings’ families turned up for his nephew’s operation and not a single one of them visited him. I was not happy, constantly whining to my husband, making him feel uneasy as well. He kept pretty quiet about the issue so I thought I was right to complain and feel indignant about it.
Reading what Master said in this passage, “...for if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people will feel uncomfortable. It can lead to this problem.” (Zhuan Falun)
I felt I have been in a daze for so long and was suddenly jolted out of it. I felt ashamed that I have been practicing Dafa for more than 20 years, yet I have failed to cultivate that part of my character. Not only is my jealous behavior reprehensible, but my entire character has hardly lived up to that of a Dafa practitioner.
In my cultivation journey, I have always felt that I have done well in many situations that had tested my character - that is until I carefully examined myself against Master’s teachings. There have been far too many instances in my 20-year-journey where I have not lived up to Master’s teachings. For example, I have hardly worked to rid myself of attachments such as being competitive, jealous, distrustful, petty-minded, among others. Therefore, my behavior in the past was no better than that of a person who does not cultivate.
I am using this forum to expose flaws in my cultivation. At the same time, I am determined to change my old habit of studying the Fa by taking it seriously now and not just reading it perfunctorily, so I can completely rid myself of undesirable attachments. We must all study the Fa thoroughly as Master has taught us:
“Study the Fa and gain the Fa,Focus on how you study and cultivate,Let each and every thingbe measured against the Fa.Only then, with that,is it actually cultivation.”(“Solid Cultivation” from Hong Yin)
I will, and strive to be a true cultivator.