Reaching the State of Genuinely Cultivating
(Minghui.org) I suffered a cerebral hemorrhage in 2008, after which headaches and insomnia made me easily irritable. A former middle school classmate, who is a Falun Dafa practitioner, brought me an audio recording of the teachings of Master Li Hongzhi, the founder of Falun Dafa. After I began to study Dafa, I returned to good health and went back to work.
The Gap in Cultivation Between Me and Other Practitioners
When looking within, I realized that I had an attachment to seeking a comfortable life and had deviated from the teachings. After being involved in group Fa study for a year, I saw other practitioners doing well in cultivation and getting involved in projects to validate Dafa, while I was busy at work and had no time for projects.
After exchanging thoughts with them, I realized that I was not studying the Fa solidly and could not tell how well I was aligned with the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Although I'd practiced Dafa for nine years, I was unable to look within and genuinely cultivate.
Struggling to Overcome Sickness Karma
I then had an opportunity to improve my xinxing. First, I had the symptoms of a painful urinary tract infection. I realized that I did not truly believe in Master and the Fa and wondered whether my righteous thoughts were strong enough.
To help me, fellow practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts. I silently recited: “I am a disciple of Master Li Hongzhi. I only recognize Master’s arrangements and negate all persecution that takes advantage of my attachments. I also deny everything that interferes with my studying the Fa, sending righteous thoughts, and clarifying the truth about Dafa.
After sending forth righteous thoughts, I felt much better. I studied the Fa, and the pain had lessened before we finished studying “Fa Teaching at the New York Fa Conference on the Twenty-Fifth Anniversary of Dafa’s Introduction to the Public.”
I begged Master in my heart not to let my eliminating sickness karma affect our group's Fa study. For two days in a row, I studied the Fa, did the exercises, and sent forth righteous thoughts. By the weekend, I had recovered and could host the practitioners at my home.
“Each and every barrier must be broken through,And everywhere does evil lurk.” (“Tempering the Will” from Hong Yin)
My xinxing, however, remained unsteady. One moment I thought of Master reinforcing my willpower, and the next moment I felt wronged just because I was a little tired from preparing food for the practitioners. When my husband didn't come into the kitchen to help me, I complained to myself. I prepared the food all by myself, while everyone else discussed cultivation issues.
Leaping Over Barriers with Righteous Thoughts
That night I came down with a high fever that lasted for several days. I would wake up from pain after sleeping for just a little over an hour. It was as if someone was whipping me. The pain disappeared after doing the exercises. It was obvious that I should do the exercises more and sleep less.
While doing the exercises, I could feel Master reinforcing me. The energy flow on my hands was very warm, and the energy field was strong. I felt inside my body layers and layers of lives being reorganized. After finishing one exercise, I felt better.
I did not want to go to the hospital! After I'd had a cerebral hemorrhage, Master extended my life, which meant I had to cultivate. Every day of my life was arranged by Master. No one else could make any other arrangements. If I couldn't get over such a small barrier, how could I continue on my cultivation path? I knew I must be able to pass the barrier with righteous thoughts!
“Whether you can let go of ordinary human attachments is a fatal test on your way to becoming a truly extraordinary being. Every disciple who truly cultivates must pass it, for it is the dividing line between a cultivator and an everyday person.” (“True Cultivation” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
That was the first actual test since I'd begun to cultivate, and I had to pass it with righteous thoughts! So many elderly practitioners did it. Why couldn't I?
Maybe my righteous thoughts saved me or Master saw my determination. Another practitioner then came to stay at my home to study the Fa, do the exercises, and send forth righteous thoughts with me.
At first, I couldn't do the exercises properly. I would try to find a way to relax while doing the Falun Standing Stance; I was not willing to endure suffering. Then, I realized that I was not being respectful of the Fa.
After two days of Fa study, doing the exercises, and sending forth righteous thoughts, my condition improved greatly. I could feel the strong energy generated from reading the Fa with another practitioner, which helped eliminate bad substances within me.
With this practitioner's help, I started to look within and found many loopholes. I was not used to identifying my shortcomings, didn't take my cultivation seriously, and didn't practice forbearance. I also found that I had attachments to being praised, competitiveness, and my reputation.
My husband showed me articles from the Minghui website about denying the old forces completely. I suddenly realized that I'd acknowledged the old forces' persecution of me! My fever was gone, but why was I still weak? That was an abnormal state! I sent forth righteous thoughts, eliminated the false manifestation of sickness, and denied anything that did not conform to the Fa. After continuously sending forth righteous thoughts, I regained my energy and became clearheaded.