Full Recovery from Anxiety Disorder and Being Aware of Life’s True Meaning
(Minghui.org) I’m a practitioner of Falun Dafa from Vietnam, and I’m 36 years old. I have been practicing Falun Dafa for over a year and always try to follow the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance in my daily life.
Before I started practicing, I experienced sudden losses of concentration starting in 2009. My mind would be empty, and it would feel like it was a computer that had crashed. The phenomenon first appeared about once a year, then every few months. After that, it became more frequent–once a month, once a week, once a day, and every hour. I became totally unable to think straight at work. It also caused me a lot of difficulties in receiving and processing information, as well as communicating with others. At times, I felt that my thinking was even poorer than that of a child, as I could not think of solutions to my work. Also, the great pressure and heavy workload caused made me to panic and be anxious, and irritable.
In the first two years, I got my health checked in some hospitals, but the doctors could not figure out what was wrong. They prescribed me some medications, but nothing worked. Because I was a construction engineer, I had to suffer such discomfort for a long time until I finished supervising a construction project.
In 2011, I found a new job in which I had little expertise or experience. In addition to reading and researching numerous materials related to the job, I had to work in partnership with many senior leaders of other construction companies. They had higher ranks than me, which made me feel stressed and anxious. I felt good sometimes but dull at other times, so I could temporarily keep up with the work but with low efficiency. My manager realized my poor job performance and complained to other colleagues.
I went to another hospital and was diagnosed with migraines and prescribed some medicine. I took it and felt a bit better. I was so happy, because I thought my ailment had been figured out and that I could be cured with appropriate treatment.
I followed the treatment plan, in subsequent visits, my doctor, who was the head of the Neurology Department, diagnosed me with anxiety disorder and gave me a medication. It worked much better than the previous one, so I followed his treatment for a few years. Unfortunately, I had to change medications constantly due to drug tolerance. I later lost my faith in that doctor when his prescribed drug stopped being effective.
I sought out senior and renowned professors, doctors, neuroscientists, and psychiatrists, but they were of no help. I switched to oriental medicine, acupuncture, and acupressure, but they had no effect either.
I was miserable and desperate. When I wasn’t working, eating, or taking care of personal hygiene, I buried myself in sleep to escape, which made me come up with an idea that “death would be better.” Things like home, property, wife, children, parents, relatives and friends became meaningless. I had only one desire, which was to be healed.
I asked myself many times about the true meaning of a human life. Was it perhaps merely a vicious cycle of worry and misery due to love, money, or sickness? After a person is born, he goes to school and is buried in assignments and exams; when he grows up, he is busy making a living. He gets married and has babies, tries to make more money to raise the children, saves property for children, worries about their future, and saves a pension for old age and future death. When he gets old, he suffers from ailments, seeks treatment, finds his resting place, and worries about many other things. We all pursue happiness, but where can true happiness actually be found? Where do we come from? What are we here for? Are we simply here like moths circling a light bulb? Where does the soul go after death? I never believed that “death is the end” as many people say. I wanted to get out of that vicious cycle.
I constantly sought treatment and ended up searching for spiritual healing powers. (I used to feel that religious beliefs were something strange.) I went to a number of temples and pagodas for worship; studied Tantrism; and read volumes of Buddhist scriptures, qigong books, and other religious books I found on the Internet.
At that time, I had a little awareness of the cause of samsara and how the Buddha Fa could save people. So from deep inside, I did wish to cultivate to be free; as a matter of fact, I just no longer wanted to suffer from samsara anymore. However, over time, it seemed to me that those scriptures and cultivation methods could not help me much.
I searched and searched on the Internet, and in 2016 I was fortunate enough to read the book Zhuan Falun and other lectures written by Master Li Hongzhi. Reading the book, I found that, with its profound and great teachings and principles it could serve as a true guide for cultivation practice. However, I was studying Tantrism at the time and not fully aware of what Falun Gong meant or why it was banned in China, so I lost the chance to obtain the Fa.
With my unceasing efforts, I had a chance to read the book Zhuan Falun again in early 2017. This time, upon reading several lectures in the book, I found I was able to sit still to concentrate on reading or working quite effectively, unlike in the past. I also saw considerable improvement in my health.
In addition to Zhuan Falun, I also read other books by Master Li. The more I read, the better I felt, and my sickness gradually went away. About a month later, I began to do the five Falun Gong exercises. All my ailments completely disappeared in just a couple of months of practice. I no longer felt tired and sluggish; instead, I had a much lighter body and a more peaceful mind.
I have now enlightened to many truths about the origin and meaning of life and of every single thing happening around me. I understood that the true meaning of why we are on earth is not to rush into the eternal cycle of “birth, old age, sickness, and death” but to cultivate, to “return to the origin of life,” to the place where our “origin” was born. Nothing happens by coincidence; rather, everything strictly follows the supreme laws of the universe.
I wish to express my most sincere thanks to Master for his great benevolence and wholehearted devotion, offering me two opportunities to attain this precious Dafa. Master is always by my side to protect and give me hints during the course of cultivation. I am committed to cultivating diligently, fulfilling the three things for Fa-rectification period Dafa practitioners, and following Master back to my real home.
The above ideas are just my personal understandings and awareness at my low level. Please point out anything inappropriate.