Falun Dafa Gave Me Hope
(Minghui.org) It was Falun Dafa that saved me and gave me hope when I thought my life was at its end. It has given me hope that I can return to my true self.
When I was five or six years old, I already felt that I was different from other girls. I despised wearing dresses or having my hair braided. Several times I seemed to see myself as a general in ancient times. In my subconscious, I felt that that was who I really was, someone who could gallop across a battlefield and do brave deeds. As time went on, not only did I start to dress more neutrally, but my mental attitude also became more masculine.
When I started to have feelings toward other women, the struggle and pain I felt could not be described in words. I knew it was homosexuality. I came from a traditional family and knew homosexuality was wrong. I myself also despised it. But I felt that I was trapped in the wrong body. There was nothing I could do to get rid of it.
I asked a fortuneteller to predict my future. He accurately described everything in my life. He also said I would live a short and lonely life and suffer from a gynecological disease. I had a secret feeling that I would only live to my 30s.
Just as the fortuneteller predicted, I had abundant material wealth, but emotionally, I lived in darkness. All my relationships ended with me being alone.
My mother is a Falun Dafa practitioner. I could always feel her warmth and confidence. I wished that I could be like her, full of energy and always optimistic. She encouraged me to cultivate Falun Dafa, so I tried to use it to change my life. But there were so many temptations distracting me that I never truly cultivated. Even when I studied the Fa with others, I was only going through the motions.
I started bleeding heavily from my vagina two years ago. I felt extremely weak and often fainted due to anemia. I went to the hospital two months ago for an exam. The doctor found a uterine fibroid about 10 cm wide and recommended immediate surgery. I asked my mother for her opinion, and she encouraged me to cultivate diligently. But I had lost all hope. I didn't want to go to the hospital, nor did I have any confidence in cultivation. Every time I went on a trip with my partner, I became fearful and sad and thought that I would never come back.
I had known a Falun Dafa practitioner for many years. She was like a sister to me. Perhaps, deep down, I still had a desire to live, so I told her everything. She listened to me quietly and intently. I felt like she could feel my despair and helplessness, as well as my desire to live. She told me to cut off my relationship with my partner and start to cultivate Falun Dafa earnestly. As she was talking to me, my body felt warm. She also sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all the degenerated elements in me.
When I saw her a week later, she said, “Homosexuality is against the will of Heaven. Civilizations of the past have been destroyed because of it. An ordinary person cannot change his/her sexuality. But Master can help a Dafa cultivator.” She also told me that I would face endless darkness and pain should I continue as I was.
“Are you going to cultivate or not?” she asked me in tears. Through her voice, I felt the deep concern she had for me and how she cherished my life. Her words were full of compassion and selflessness, and they touched me deeply.
Suddenly I felt a strong sense of righteousness emerge from the core of my being. “Yes, I will cultivate!” I said with certainty. Before I finished my sentence, I felt something come out of my vagina. I went to the bathroom and saw that I had expelled a large piece of tissue. I believe that Master removed the uterine fibroid for me the moment I decided to cultivate Dafa.
Everyone in the room witnessed that Master had cleansed my body. The feeling of being shackled since I was a child disappeared completely. I knew that my life had been changed at that moment. I knew I was saved.
Ever since then, I no longer feel that I am trapped in the wrong body. I ended my homosexual relationship. In the past, I lived the high life: I owned Rolex watches and limited edition Louis Vuitton handbags; I checked into the most expensive hotels. Since I started cultivating, I've put away all my expensive clothes and jewelry. I only wear a Dafa keepsake that a practitioner gave me.
I often smile unconsciously and feel a sense of joy I never had before. I said to my mother one day, “I feel so proud to be a Dafa disciple. You see all those people following Master on the screen at Shen Yun. I am now one of them.”