Looking Inside During Tribulations and Getting Rid of CCP Culture Habits
(Minghui.org) The state of my cultivation wasn’t good in recent days. I felt depressed and lonely, and was being interfered with by very serious illness karma. One of my legs was so swollen that it looked like the leg of an elephant. It was difficult even to walk. The pain kept me awake most of the night, and I felt dizzy while I was studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and sending forth righteous thoughts.
“Some students have hung on to their attachments for a long time without being aware of them. Maybe such practitioners have been so busy with clarifying the truth and doing Dafa-related things that they have not even put in the heart to think about themselves. They have not carefully examined themselves. When such problems become serious and the old forces can no longer let you get away with them, the problems will then manifest. So, you must be very cautious about these things. No matter how raving mad the evil is, it would not dare touch you as long as you don’t have any shortcomings.”(Fa Teaching at the New York Fa Conference on the Twenty-Fifth Anniversary of Dafa’s Introduction to the Public)
That was a serious warning for me and reminded me of my problems in cultivation. I thought about my human notions and attachments that I have ignored for a long time. The old forces saw them as justification to interfere with me and make me appear to be ill.
I followed Master's teachings and looked inside. I asked myself, “What human notions affect me most?” The answer was the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture's indoctrination and brainwashing that I had been subjected to since I was a child. The CCP advocates atheism, cutthroat competition, class conflict, violence, evolution, and so on. These things had been drummed into my thoughts over the past several decades. I regarded every seemingly natural word and action of mine as part of me, as my own thoughts.
I have been looking outwards in conflicts; I have been very picky and always focused on other people's shortcomings, ignoring their merits and advantages; I have looked down on others that I thought were inferior to me, unwilling to accept the fact that they might actually be better than me; I spoke with a superior attitude; I was self-centered, showed off, and bragged about myself. Those negative traits encouraged during the Cultural Revolution, such as being quick to fight, fighting against heaven and earth, and disdain for tradition and culture, were deeply rooted in my mind.
I started reciting the Fa beginning in 2007. I'd thought that my understandings of the Fa were clear and I was always quick to share them with fellow practitioners. When I saw that they had nothing to share from the Fa's perspective, I was eager to help them improve.
At the Fa study group, I was very talkative and often couldn't stop once I got started, so no one was able to interrupt me. Some practitioners got disgusted with me and encouraged me to talk less. They said I should not only study the Fa, but also practice genuine cultivation. Some said that since we'd known each other for so long, it was unnecessary for me to be so talkative.
I felt wronged when they were reluctant to listen to me. Most of the older practitioners did not use the Internet and seldom read cultivation sharing articles. Moreover, some of them used human notions to deal with the persecution and ordinary things, so I was worried about them. But my way of communicating with them was not right, because I was filled with CCP culture: My word was final, I lorded it over them, and I “taught” them based on my own understandings of the Fa. I was quick to take offense, which was not at all helpful. In fact, I might have pushed some of them away and gone to extremes.
For instance, one practitioner who had been released from prison joined our Fa study group. He was influential in our local area and enthusiastic about Dafa projects. He was also very diligent about doing the three things. We needed him very much because he had the ability to coordinate our local practitioners into one body.
Actually, I was also very glad to see him join us, but being jealous and opinionated, I thought he should study the Fa first and look inside before working on Dafa projects. He had been sentenced to prison twice and incarcerated for a total of seven years. I asked him to look within to identify why he had been persecuted.
I was very rude and unkind to him. He was very embarrassed and never came back to our Fa study group. Not long after that, he passed away. His death was a big loss to our local Fa-rectification efforts.
Although I have cultivated for years, I have not been compassionate at all. My understanding of the characteristic of the universe—Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance—has been very superficial at the human level. My way of thinking has been filled with CCP culture: I’ve been dominating and domineering, I’ve preferred hearing compliments instead of the truth, and I’ve argued or gotten mad if I was criticized. As a result, some practitioners disliked getting in touch with me, thus creating barriers among practitioners and affecting our one body.
After taking their comments into serious consideration, I followed Dafa principles to look inside and identified my notions, which were associated with the CCP culture that I had been indoctrinated with. Those notions were not my true self. They were negative and not what I wanted. What I wanted was to return to the righteous way, to get rid of human attachments and notions, and to return to my true self.
After I studied the Fa and looked inside, I realized that cultivation was absolutely serious. Although I've stumbled here and there on my path of cultivation, the Fa rectification period was not over yet, so I must do well starting now and not be taken advantage of by the old forces.
I am Master's Dafa disciple, so everything of mine is in Master's hands. I will rise from the fall and continue to cultivate. Master is here; Dafa is here. If I believe in Master and Dafa, no tribulation can keep me from returning home.
The swelling in my leg went down as I was looking inside these past few days.
Thank you, Master, for your compassionate protection.
Thank you, fellow practitioners, for your unselfish help.