(Minghui.org) I had an argument with a coordinator. When I tried to persuade him to see things my way, he said, “You are so stubborn. Can't you be a little more flexible?”
His words made me think. Before practicing Falun Gong, I had a bad temper and always insisted on things being done my way, which caused a lot of problems for me. I thought I had improved a lot through years of cultivating, but the coordinator's comments reminded me that I still have a long way to go.
One problem I’ve realized is that I'm very talkative and always want to convince others to see things from my point of view. Sometimes the person I am speaking to might not complain about what I say, but their negative feelings probably create barriers between us.
This is related to my lack of self-awareness. When I read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, I realized I had been influenced by Party culture. Below are four examples of this.
One is the competitive mentality. Due to an attachment of jealousy and showing off, I felt good about myself and was always quick to argue. When I got the upper hand, I felt very pleased. When others seemed superior to me, I got jealous and ignored them.
The second is impatience. For example, I sometimes interrupted whoever was speaking, thinking that what I had to say was more important than what they were saying. But if I was talking, I did not want anyone to interrupt me. Another manifestation of this attachment was that I was always eager to share new things, as if I were afraid that they wouldn’t otherwise know about them or that they would hear about them from someone else.
I once saw a practitioner run a red light to save time. I saw others pick more comfortable spots to sit when studying the Fa together, forgetting that older practitioners might need better lighting due to their poor eyesight. That is inappropriate.
The third is ego. Because of my competitive mentality and impatience, I monopolized conversations and was not willing to let anyone else speak until I had run out of things to say. This is typical of someone influenced by Party culture.
The last is an unwillingness to hear criticism. Whenever others offered negative comments about my behavior, I would subconsciously protect or defend myself. This is rooted in selfishness. That is, I would not admit I was wrong. Or, even if I admitted I was wrong on the surface, I did not really think I was.
In Hong Yin III, Master wrote:
Don’t argue when people argue with youCultivation is looking within for the causeWanting to explain just feeds the attachmentBreadth of mind, unattached, brings true insight”
I think I really need to do better.