Look Within to Get Rid of Deeply Hidden Notions
(Minghui.org) I am retired from the local police department. In late April 2016, the director of the office for retired officials stopped me. She asked, “Have you written a letter to the Supreme Procuratorate?” I said I had.
“The community administration office told me that you did,” she said. “But why would you? You are the only one from our office who did! We’ll discuss this more later.”
I shared this with our local Fa study group. We decided I should go meet with her before the next weekend. The practitioners said they would send righteous thoughts for me at that time. I also adjusted my thinking: “I am a Dafa practitioner, and I'll be there to clarify the facts of the persecution of Falun Gong. It would be best if she quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).” That final thought really inspired me the most.
When we met, I first noticed that her health was not good. Her eyes were red and she kept putting her hand on her forehead. I jumped right in. I told her about why I practice Falun Gong and why I wanted to sue Jiang Zemin, the former head of the CCP who initiated the persecution of Falun Gong. I explained that the CCP staged the Tiananmen Square self-immolation incident to defame Falun Gong. We talked for over an hour, and, in the end she said, “For your health, just practice it at home.”
A fellow practitioner at work told me that he had heard I would be punished because of the letter, but I mentally denied it and took it as the old forces' arrangements. He also said that I might not be punished and that I should not take it too seriously.
The CCP committee of the office for retired officials notified me to come to their meeting at the end of June. Before that, I had never been asked to go to a meeting. The practitioners in my study group sent righteous thoughts for me. I also wanted to use this opportunity to clarify the facts to everyone at the meeting.
All the office wanted to do, in fact, was to let us know about the new location and read us a notice. Still, I wanted to talk with the retired deputy director of the office after the meeting and raise his awareness regarding the persecution. I thought that, if he understood the facts, the entire situation in the department would change.
The next day I called him and made an appointment. When we met, I told him how my health had greatly improved after I started practicing Falun Gong. I then talked about how the CCP made up lies to defame Falun Gong. He got very angry and screamed at me to get me out of his office. He said he was the one to announce that Falun Gong would be persecuted in a local conference.
In mid-July that same deputy director called me to come to the office to pick up materials for retired officials. He said the office committee had made a decision. I again thought I was going to be punished. It also happened to be the day we had group study, and I told a fellow practitioner about it. The practitioner immediately pointed out my mentality of fear and suspicion.
I went to pick up the materials, and, indeed, nothing else happened. I realized that I hadn't done well and that I should not use practitioners' time during Fa study to send righteous thoughts for me. I went to the study group to apologize. When I got home, Master's Fa appeared in my mind:
“There is another type of person. Someone was told in the past that he had spirit or animal possession. He felt that way as well. However, upon having it removed for him, his mind still worries about it. He always thinks that the condition still exists. He still thinks that it is there, and this is already an attachment called suspicion. As time passes, this person may bring it to himself again. One should give up this attachment, as this spirit or animal possession no longer exists.” (Lecture 3, Zhuan Falun)
I went on to analyze my mindset further. When that practitioner pointed out that I seemed fearful and suspicious, why was I upset? I then recalled something else that Master taught us.
“Of course, you will not be informed of a tribulation or conflict ahead of time. How can you practice cultivation if you are told everything? It will not serve any use. They usually occur unexpectedly so that they can test one’s xinxing and make one’s xinxing truly improve. Only then can it be seen whether one can maintain one’s xinxing. Therefore, when a conflict arises, it does not occur accidentally. This issue will be present during the entire course of cultivation practice and in the transformation of karma. Unlike what everyday persons imagine, it is much more difficult than suffering physically. ” (Lecture 4, Zhuan Falun)
I was suddenly relieved. I understood that all my preparations were the result of my human notions. Only if I'm not prepared beforehand can I see my status and whether I'm solid in my cultivation. I immediately went to apologize to the practitioner who pointed out my shortcomings.
When I first heard that I would be punished, even though I immediately denied the old forces' arrangements, I still dwelled on it. Every time I was called in for a meeting, I thought that they were going to punish me. My heart was moved each time because, deep inside, there was the mentality of fear.
As I looked within more deeply, I realized that, when I went to the deputy director to clarify the facts, my intention was to use Dafa to “break through” the punishment that they would give me. This selfish mentality was deeply hidden. It was not a pure thought to save the director; it was to protect myself. That was why the deputy director got angry and I was not able to clarify the facts to him effectively.
From now on, I'll try my best to have a pure mind to clarify the facts, save sentient beings, and do the three things well.