Identifying My Attachments to Self-Importance and Avoiding Criticism
(Minghui.org) I became a Falun Dafa practitioner in 1996. In 2012, I joined a group working to rescue practitioners who were illegally detained. We worked to clarify the truth, send righteous thoughts, and mail out information about Falun Dafa. There was a need to share and communicate, and I became the project coordinator.
Our Fa study group is responsible for sending righteous thoughts every day for one hour, starting at six-thirty in the morning.
A practitioner gave me a sharing article one morning, “Should Mainland China Practitioners Have a General Coordinator.” I told her that I visited the Minghui website every day, and had already read the article.
She said that another practitioner had asked her to give me the article. She said she reluctantly agreed, and could hardly sleep the night before.
I thought she shouldn't have gotten involved, as the other practitioner should have talked to me directly. Although I did not say anything, I felt annoyed with the practitioner who wanted me to read the article. I thought, “How would she know what everyone is doing unless she is the coordinator?”
We were delayed 20 minutes in sending righteous thoughts because of our conversation. I did not want to make things hard for her, so I reluctantly took the article. While sending righteous thoughts, I calmed down and remembered Master's words:
“If you hear someone say that you want to commit some horrible crime, you’ll just find it amusing. (Master laughs) You will think, “How could that be possible?” and will laugh it off. You won’t take it seriously at all. Since you don’t even have that thought, those words can’t touch you. If you don’t have that kind of thought, they can’t touch you. When you are affected inside, that means you do have [an attachment]! And if you really feel strongly that you have been treated unjustly, then [your attachment] is rather large. (Applause) So shouldn’t you cultivate yourself?” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference”)
So why was I feeling uncomfortable and my heart moved? It must be because I had attachments. I looked inward and recognized that I did not like to be criticized and I had an attachment to self-importance.
The practitioner who brought me the article could not sit still, and kept moving her legs while sending righteous thoughts. I regretted causing her to feel so much pressure, and I apologized to her in my heart, “I'm sorry, and thank you for letting me see my attachments.” She immediately calmed down and stopped fidgeting.
My thoughts changed as soon as I identified my attachments. The practitioner who wanted me to read the article must have been very busy, yet she took the time to download and print the article for me. She probably wanted me to check myself and see if I had the issues mentioned in the article. She was helping me to do well in cultivation.
I also sensed that she was being responsible for the entire group of practitioners. I should not have complained about her, and should have thanked her instead. I was able to see the positive side of the practitioner.
My heart felt pure and I was grateful. Master must have seen my attachments and let practitioners help me raise my cultivation level.
I apologized to the practitioner who brought me the article after sending righteous thoughts. She replied, “No need to apologize, I already felt your regret.”
I recalled Master's poem after this incident,
Who’s Right, Who’s WrongAs a cultivatorOne always looks for one’s own faults’Tis the Way to get rid of attachments most effectivelyThere’s no way to skip ordeals, big or small[During a conflict, if you can remember:]“He’s right,And I’m wrong,”What’s to dispute?(Hong Yin III)
Everything we encounter, whether it has anything to do with us or not, is a sign that we have an attachment, and it's time to raise our cultivation level. We should not focus on who's right or who's wrong, and should look inward unconditionally. We should not let the opportunity to improve slip by and not ignore our shortcomings.
Please kindly point out any inappropriateness.