How I Learned to Look Inside Unconditionally
(Minghui.org) As a Falun Dafa practitioner, I know that it is very important to look inside, find attachments, and get rid of them. I have experienced difficulties in truly understanding how to look inwards and apply what I find to the problems in my life.
Sent to the Mental Hospital
After July 20, 1999, when the communist party launched the persecution of Falun Gong, I was detained in a mental hospital for over 20 days. During that time, I never realized that I should look inward on why I was there.
Not long after I was discharged from that mental hospital, the local 610 Office sent me to another mental hospital. I was forced to take pills, which made me weak and anxious all day. When I compromised myself by giving up my belief, I was allowed to go home.
I still didn't get it—that I should look inside for my attachments. This was the only way to escape further persecution. The old forces took advantage of the fact that I truly did not understand the Fa and arranged still more difficulties for me.
I was sent to a mental hospital again by the 610 Office and my employer. I was injected with unknown drugs, which impaired my breathing. When they tried to give me more drugs, I firmly resisted. At that point, I started to explain the facts about the persecution to the doctors, nurses, and families, but I was not released until two years later.
I didn't know the root cause of why I was sent to a mental hospital so many times until many years later, when I truly looked inside. My main consciousness wasn't in charge. I didn't think before I spoke. I would fall asleep when I read the Fa, did the exercises, and sent forth righteous thoughts.
The old forces saw these shortcomings as excuses to continue to persecute me. When I realized my problem and started to reinforce my main consciousness, I was never sent to the mental hospital again.
My House Searched Repeatedly
In 2001, 2003, and 2007, my home was searched multiple times by the police. One time they threw me down on the ground, stole my keys, and beat me. They removed Dafa informational materials from my home. After every search I was taken to a detention center.
I asked myself many times why some practitioners never had their homes searched, but it happened to me many times. I didn't realize that when I questioned myself this way, I was actually looking inward.
When I looked inside, the Fa showed me the root cause—I was not serious about what I did and was disorganized. My house was not clean and tidy. I had not done the laundry in a long time. I was disrespectful when I read the Fa or meditated. The old forces used all my unclean thoughts, dirty clothes, and disorganized way of living against me.
“Seeing that the human mind is not righteous, demons have come out of their caves one after another to bring trouble and chaos to the human world. Seeing that the human mind is not righteous, Gods and Buddhas have left their posts and abandoned the temples one after another. Many foxes, weasels, ghosts, and snakes have been brought into the temples by those who come to pray for wealth and profit. How could such temples not be in trouble? Human beings are sinners.” (“For Whom do You Practice Cultivation,” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Collarbone Broken from a Beating
I have a clear memory of when my collarbone suffered a comminuted fracture from a brutal beating because I refused to give up my belief. I will never forget the pain. I felt I must have had a big attachment, but I could not figure out what it was. I found the reason much later—and it scared me.
Right before the police beat me, they forced us practitioners to do military exercises. I thought that I shouldn't cooperate with them, so I stopped. Then, when an officer shouted at me I was scared, so I did what he said.
Later I stopped again, so they came and dragged me away. They called on inmates to punch, kick, and stomp on me. An inmate who had practiced martial arts struck my collarbone, and suddenly I lost my breath.
A similar situation occurred when I was hung up. At first I insisted on doing the exercises. To stop me, guards wrapped my head with a quilt and didn't let me sleep the whole night.
My doubts returned and I was afraid that I couldn't hold on. I stopped doing the exercises but planned to resume them after I was released. Even so, the guards tortured me even more brutally. I was handcuffed and hung up so that only my tiptoes touched the floor. Guards later hung me up in the air by my fingers. It was so painful that I couldn't think.
Now I realize that the strong attachment to fear was the root cause I was tortured so badly. I should have held righteous thoughts all the time and not been afraid.
Always Looking Inward
As I studied the Fa more and understood the Fa better, I looked inside and saw my attachments. When I got rid of some attachments, the persecution lessened.
In 2007 many Falun Gong practitioners were arrested, including me. We were sent to a local detention center. I looked inside during the 28 days in the detention center. I realized that I had so many attachments--fame, a comfortable life, following others before the Fa principles, and more.
On the 28th day of my detention, the cell door opened and practitioners were allowed to walk in the yard.
I was told that my case had been submitted to the procuratorate, but I was not afraid. As the persecution escalated, I was never afraid. I knew that there was a reason for it. Two days later, I was sent back home.
Another time while I was at home with another practitioner, the police suddenly broke in and forcibly took both of us away. Neither of us were frightened. Instead, we took advantage of every chance to expose the persecution and were released that night.
I really experienced, “Master has the power to turn back the tide.” (“The Master-Disciple Bond,” from Hong Yin Volume II)
Looking Inside When Helping Other Practitioners
I remember how I helped my mother, also a practitioner, to discover why she didn't get along with my wife. My mother often complained to me: “She never called me ‘mother’ after you got married, a period of over ten years. She does not respect me. Your sister-in-law is totally different. She is always sweet to me.”
I tried to share my thoughts with my mother. Asking for respect was her attachment and she should eliminate it. She shouldn't gossip about others behind their back, either. I felt like I had offered her great help. However, I never thought to look inside when it came to this matter. The relationship between my mother and my wife worsened.
One day during the Chinese New Year holiday, my mother was cooking and she asked my wife to taste the dish. My wife didn't listen to her at all. This made my mother so sad that she cried out loud.
I continued to help her in my way by pointing out her problems. Then, one day I realized that I should also look inside when I saw the conflict between my mother and my wife.
If I had done this earlier, their relationship wouldn't be so bad. Master said, “Pacify the External by Cultivating the Internal” (Essentials for Further Advancement)
I often see practitioners helping other practitioners simply by pointing out others' problems, but never looking inward themselves. This kind of help only leads to more conflicts.
From my personal experience, I realized that to look inwards unconditionally is a requirement of the Fa. It is what a genuine practitioner should do.
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