(Minghui.org) A while ago, I had a very bad cough, and my heart hurt whenever I coughed. I thought that I must have done something wrong. I sent forth righteous thoughts to clear the interference, and I also looked within to find the reason.

After a very busy period of truth clarification, I thought that I should take a break. The desire for comfort developed, and I did not focus well on cultivation. As there was no fixed timetable for my work on the RTC platform (a platform on the Internet used to clarify the truth to Chinese people), I only spent limited time making phone calls to China.

Since I was involved in another Dafa project, I thought that it did not matter if I do not call China, as long as I continue with my other project. But in reality, I wanted to avoid the hard work of the RTC platform, as I found it difficult to get people to listen and speak to me. The editing project gave me a sense of achievement.

Nevertheless, I noted that other editors devoted most of their time to making phone calls to China. They had accumulated many experiences.

When my phone calls on the RTC platform did not go smoothly, I actually should have looked within. How could I avoid the hard work on this project by choosing to work on a different project? If I had a stable cultivation state, with a pure mind, the call recipients would most likely listen to the truth.

I tried to escape responsibility. When the phone was not answered or people did not want to talk to me, I sent a text message to get the information through, rather than trying harder to make phone calls.

Effect of Change in Operation Model

The RTC platform recently changed its operation model. A timetable was set up for everyone to have a fixed time slot. I went back to my previous shift and realized that cultivation opportunities should always be cherished.

Master has made the principle very clear:

“Predestined ties of countless lifetimesEach has Dafa as its guiding thread‘Tis in hardship the golden body is temperedWhy such slow and leisurely steps?”(The Difficult Path to Godhood in Hong Yin Vol. II)

In our numerous previous lives, we endured hardship just because we wanted to obtain the Fa in this life. I failed to understand this, and thus lost precious time.

When I was back on duty at the RTC platform, I realized that I must be more steadfast in cultivation. I used to go off line after making phone calls and put off Fa study till a while later. However, I was very weak and fell into sleep before I even finished reading one lecture. Now, I have changed my routine.

Although I occasionally felt drowsy during Fa study, I performed much better than before. During previous Fa study, I could only understand the literal meaning and failed to grasp the connotation. In recent Fa study, with my improved performance, I was gradually able to understand Master’s Fa principles.

During our team sharing after the phone calls, I rarely shared my thoughts with others because not many people spoke to me on the phone. So I mostly just listened to others’ sharing. Whenever I heard that other practitioners managed to speak to people for quite a long time, I felt under pressure and frustrated about my cultivation.

A few days ago, some practitioners encouraged those who rarely shared their thoughts to speak. I immediately cried, as I really felt frustrated about why I couldn't cultivate well. Why was I failing to improve my level.

I did not want to share my thoughts with others, which stemmed from my fear. And I didn't want to face my shortcomings, nor did I try hard to improve myself. Could such a cultivation state meet the standard of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance?