Keeping an Eye on Each Thought
(Minghui.org) I am a single female practitioner. A colleague in my office asked me out of the blue one day, “Do you have any plans to get married?” I answered, “No, I'm fine living with my mom.” She suggested that I think it over.
I did not take this short exchange seriously at the time, but later a thought appeared in my mind: “What if I was left behind and could not follow Master to my true home with my mother? Living by myself would be lonely. What would I do then?” I wept just thinking about it.
Another thought appeared: “You have Master and Dafa, each life has its own predestined path, Master has arrangements for each practitioner, you don't need to worry.” I calmed down and did not think about it further.
Another colleague said to me one day, “You should consider marriage. Your mother is so old, she won't be with you your whole life. What would you do if you lived alone? You need to have a companion.”
I paid attention to the issue this time. I told my mother how I had felt when she and my sister left last August: “I had tears in eyes. I felt lonely in my heart.” I cried just telling her about it. I said, “Mom, please cultivate well and follow Master to your true home.”
I noticed that my words—asking her to practice well—were not to encourage her righteous thoughts but were spoken of my fear of living alone. My attachment of affection between mother and daughter was strong. I needed to get rid it of.
My mother is 78 years old and has lived with me for the last five years. Besides taking care of me, she studies the Fa. My home is a group study site. She participates in group Fa study in the morning and evening. She sends righteous thoughts four times daily and does the exercises every morning. She’s in good health and looks like she's in her 60s.
I started to think all this over thoroughly and noticed that I had an attachment I had not rid myself of. My mother took care of my life and put everything in good order for me, which meant I did not have to do much at home. Something as ordinary as paying the utility bill was a big deal for me. I had become very dependent on her. I realized I was actually selfish and did not like to take responsibility.
“From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I had not paid attention to my dependence on her and it had become a habit. It could become a loophole that the old forces could take advantage of.
I stopped worrying about the marriage issue and let it be. I thought being single would be beneficial for my cultivation based on my current environment and cultivation status. Sometimes I thought that it would be fine to date, to have a boyfriend, but not to marry. These occasional, passing thoughts invited questions about my single status.
I did not want others to think that I did not marry because I practiced Falun Gong, so I never said that I would be single forever. I just said that I had not met the right person yet. In reality, many people remain single. So my fear that others would bring up this issue to me was likely just my own problem. It is possible that my mentality was not righteous, that it was covering up the attachment of lust, but I told myself it was because I did not want others to form a negative impression of Dafa.
Master said that our lives cannot be separated from our cultivation. Everything we encounter is part of our cultivation. As long as we can understand and look within, Master will give us a hint on the issue.
When we understand our shortcomings and overcome them, we make it possible for the negative issue to have a positive effect. If this thing had not occurred, we would have not noticed the shortcoming and would not have improved in that area. Thus, we must to pay attention to all issues that make us feel unhappy or unsettled so that we can improve.