(Minghui.org) Whenever I found my notions and attachments after looking within, conflicts disappeared, or so I thought. My heart opened up and I was truly happy to be a practitioner.
For the longest time I believed that I was good at looking within. Recently I was awakened by Master's Fa,
“How many of you can stay unruffled and search for the reason on your part when faced with others' criticism and chiding?” (Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles)
Although I did look within, I was rarely unruffled. But, when I was caught in a conflict, I quickly turned unhappy and irrational. It was only then when I truly began to look within.
Everything Happens for a Reason
When I tried to stop several practitioners from criticizing others behind their backs, a practitioner accused me of refusing to point out other practitioners' problems. I tried to reason with her, but instead of being her normal rational self, she argued and berated me.
I did not respond in kind, but was unhappy and felt wronged. Then, I remembered Teacher's Fa, “Whether you are right or wrong, you should examine yourself.” (Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles) but was still upset.
Upon getting home, I was able to calm down and look within. I knew that I should not be happy when my opinion was accepted and mad when it was not. It was my attachment to fame. I was happy when other practitioners praised me and sad when they criticized me. Was this not an attachment to being praised? When that practitioner treated me nicely, I thought highly of her and when she criticized me, I thought ill of her.
I realized that it all happens for a reason, and that Teacher was pointing out my human notions.
When I thought about the issue in more depth, I realized that I was troubled when I used to face certain issues. I wanted other practitioners to accept my opinion and be nice to me. When I held a grudge against other practitioners, I stopped being a true cultivator. Therefore, Teacher wanted me to raise my standard and search for the reason behind the issue.
How we do in our cultivation, including our every thought, has a direct impact on how well we can clarify the truth about Dafa to people. Thus, it is important that we look within and rectify our every thought in a timely fashion when interference emerges during truth clarification.
A man's facial expression when I talked to him about Dafa made me think that he was not being serious. I believed that I did not like him and when my family member told the man about the persecution, I tried to keep a distance from him. I even told my family that I did not like that man after he quit the Party and its youth organizations.
Afterward, people we talked to about Dafa refused to listen and threatened to report us to the police. I looked within and realized that the mentality of not liking that man was blocking my truth clarification efforts. As a practitioner, I cannot dislike people and allow that to affect me. I eliminated this negative thought. Then, people began to listen to us again.
One morning I got depressed, became passive and refused to talk when my family clarified the facts. We talked to several people and not one wanted to quit the CCP. My family members looked at me and questioned what I was doing. I didn't think that I had anything to do with people not wanting to quit the CCP, and argued that I was sending righteous thoughts.
“They kept looking at you.” one family member said, “You had an angry face and were not saying a word. Of course they became suspicious of what we were doing.”
It was stick-awakening for me. I wasn't sending righteous thoughts, but had a bad attitude instead.
The evil was exploiting my attachment. I had failed to balance personal cultivation and cultivation during the Fa-rectification. I was determined to show people that Falun Dafa practitioners are righteous, open and noble, bright and magnificent.
Master said, “good or evil comes from a person’s spontaneous thought.” (Zhuan Falun)
I eliminated the substance that made me act badly, and my facial expression brightened up again. I was able to engage in conversation with a good attitude and people started to quit the CCP again.