Tribulation with My Eldest Daughter Helps Me Find My Attachments
(Minghui.org) I have been imprisoned for a total of ten years for my belief since the persecution of Falun Dafa began in July 1999, and have been very severely persecuted. When people started suing Jiang Zemin, the former head of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), for initiating the persecution, I immediately filed a criminal complaint against him.
I soon received official receipts for my complaint letters from the Supreme People's Court and Procuratorate. At the time, the recorded number of people who had submitted suits against Jiang was less than 5,000.
We then began hearing about criminal complaints being rejected and cases of Dafa practitioners being harassed and arrested by the authorities.
My Daughter Was Furious
I received a phone call one day from my eldest daughter, who works in the police department. She yelled at me, “What kind of mess have you gotten yourself into?” I knew that she was referring to my criminal complaint letters against Jiang. She continued, “You just wait!” and hung up.
She was in an uncontrollable rage when she came to my apartment after finishing work. She screamed at me, “Have you nothing better to do with your life? You have to create problems…”
Her eyes were glaring at me as if I were her worst enemy, and she picked up anything in sight and threw it at me, even a pair of scissors that cut into my hand. This was completely unlike her normal behavior.
When I told her to stop, she grabbed my arm and dragged me to the door. “Go! Leave! Don’t come back!” she yelled.
I tried to reason with her and told her that it was my apartment. She retorted, “It may be your apartment, but you can’t live here any longer!” She then pushed me out the door.
Finding Solitude to Reflect on Events
I was deeply hurt by my daughter's actions, and tears streamed down my face. I never once shed a tear when the prison guards were cursing me and beating me, but to be bullied by my daughter, and even kicked out of my own house, was too much to bear.
I stood outside my apartment door for a while to calm down. I then left for my son’s apartment. My son and daughter-in-law were away on travel. Alone, I began to reflect on what had just taken place. Things had happened too fast and suddenly.
Everything that happens to a Dafa practitioner is not by chance, so I thought it over for a while.
My apartment was assigned to me when I was being relocated from my original residence. It is bright, spacious, and very comfortable. Many visitors praise me about the place. Now, my daughter had kicked me out. Was it because it had become an attachment?
I said to Master in my mind, “I am a Dafa practitioner. I didn’t bring my apartment along with me at birth nor will I be taking it away with me. It's just a temporary dwelling. I will let it go.”
My eldest daughter has always been good to me, especially during the years when I was incarcerated and persecuted. So why the sudden change? Was it really because I sued Jiang Zemin?
Understanding My Daughter's Behavior and Finding My Attachments
I believe my suing Jiang was a righteous and justified action. If other people thought my actions were unacceptable I could easily let it go, but coming from my own daughter, I truly found it hard to bear.
I realized that this was my attachment to sentimentality that I must let go, but I just couldn’t.
With a heavy heart, I decided to go and live with my second daughter in Shandong Province, and promised myself that I would never return.
I told my second daughter about what happened, and she immediately called her sister.
“How can you treat our mother this way?” she said.
My eldest daughter was crying, and explained how she had always protected me for my belief, but to sue Jiang Zemin, when the CCP is still in power, is just asking for trouble!
Upon hearing her words, I calmed myself down and looked inward.
My eldest daughter and I live in the same building, yet she works in the local police department and has participated in sending fellow practitioners to forced labor camps.
She knows that Falun Dafa is good, and has even remarked that my having a healthy body has saved her a lot of money in medical expenses to care for an aging mother. But she fears that I’ll continue to be persecuted if I shout out to protect my belief, and that it will adversely affect her job.
She helped me renovate the new place, but I didn’t want to move there, as I was worried that she would interfere with my Dafa work.
However, when I finally moved into my own apartment, I was very happy and content. My daughter had done a wonderful renovation job, rendering the whole place bright and spacious.
I began to clearly see my many attachments. I was attached to elation over my living space, so the old forces used my daughter to kick me out. I was also attached to sentimentality over my daughter, so the old forces used my daughter to curse at me and hit me.
I had also not been practicing “truthfulness.” In order to avoid conflicts and confrontation with my daughter, and maintain a peaceful and harmonious life, I had resorted to living a life of lies and pretense. I purposely never told her about my involvement in Dafa projects and contact with other practitioners.
When I sued Jiang Zemin, I didn't inform her in a straightforward manner, and purposely skirted around the issue.
I busy myself daily in clarifying the facts to save people, yet I have not done so with someone so close to me.
I came to realize that the only way to save people and have them enjoy Dafa’s blessings is to share with them the truth about Dafa and the facts behind the persecution, to let them make their own decision to stand with Dafa and choose a bright future for themselves.
No wonder during past confrontations, my daughter always accused me of being selfish. Because the root source of sentimentality is selfishness.
“If this sentimentality is not relinquished, you will be unable to practice cultivation. If you are free from this sentimentality, nobody can affect you. An everyday person’s mind will be unable to sway you. What takes over in its place is benevolence, which is something more noble.” (Zhuan Falun)
Calming Down to Move Forward in My Cultivation
I was finally able to settle my mind and study the Fa well, finally able to clean up this innate notion of sentimentality and selfishness, finally able to look at my own daughter as another sentient being, and finally able to allow my true compassion to surface.
Our relationship as mother and daughter is predestined. It is my responsibility to save her.
The old forces were using my attachment of sentimentality to drag me down, while Master uses the old forces’ arrangements to help me elevate in my cultivation.
I was determined to resolve all past grievances between my eldest daughter and myself. Yet, when I returned home and came face-to-face with her, I realized that there was still some evil substance deep in my heart that I had not yet let go of. I couldn’t forget what had taken place, how she had cursed me and looked at me with hatred.
Master allowed me to feel the existence of this substance so that I could remove it completely.
I forced myself to look into my daughter’s eyes when I spoke to her and to keep a smile on my face, even though it was not quite genuine yet. I helped her with the household chores when she was busy. Then, when she was in a receptive mood, I talked to her about Dafa.
Gradually, my heart became much lighter and my behavior became more natural. I stopped thinking negatively about her job and about her attitude toward Dafa. I began to arrive at the firm belief that with Dafa’s merciful might, the old forces would have no power over either of us.
When my daughter noticed that I had New Tang Dynasty TV she remarked in amazement, “Wow, you Falun Dafa are something. You even have a TV station!”
I corrected her, “This is not Falun Dafa's TV station. It is one of our projects to save people.”
I then showed her my computer, printer, and the Dafa informational materials that I had been producing. I said, “Your younger brother and sister’s attitude toward Falun Dafa has always been positive. You are the one I am most worried about. You know Falun Dafa is good, but when you are upset you say things that are disrespectful to Master and Dafa, you are committing great sins against Dafa. How are you to atone for them?”
Her tears flowed as she asked, “What should I do?”
I said, “You can start by offering your apologies to Master.”
My daughter went over to stand in front of Master’s photo. She gave Master a deep bow and said, “Master, I did wrong. Please forgive me.”
I recommended that she make a solemn declaration on the Minghui website to take back everything derogatory she had said about Master and done against Dafa practitioners.
She promptly did and used her real name. “Even if I’m found out,” she said, “I’m not afraid.”
I have been so hopeful and eager for my eldest daughter to believe in Dafa and to be saved. When it finally happened, I was filled with happiness and gratitude.
I thank Master and Dafa for saving my daughter and helping me finally understand that saving people is only achieved through self-cultivation.
I would like to share a verse written by Master.
“The Great Way travels through the worldBringing salvation to lives once lostThoughts of fame, feeling, and profit gone—Could any difficulty stop the holy one?”(“Journey Via The Way” from Hong Yin Vol. II)