Fear of Sickness Karma and the Attachment of Pursuit
(Minghui.org) I have been suffering from gradual muscle atrophy for six years.
I’ve had ups and downs on my path of cultivation, but I’ve never given up the practice. I believe in Falun Dafa, so there must be something I am doing that does not meet the requirement and is keeping me from overcoming this interference. What is it?
I noticed recently that, during these past six years, whenever I missed a single day of Fa study or doing the exercises, I would get extremely upset and almost fearful.
I would think to myself, “You did not study the Fa well. The old forces will persecute you for that!” That same fear appeared when I could not let go of certain attachments and I thought, “Will the old forces attack me because of this attachment?”
Whenever I got into conflicts with my family, I worried, “Too bad I didn’t behave like a practitioner. Will the old forces use it to persecute me?”
My Falun Dafa books were printed years ago on an ink jet printer. The characters had started to blur after years of use. I wanted to print out new pages to replace the worn ones to be respectful of Dafa and Master. When I looked inward, I felt the same fear—that the old forces might persecute me if I did not respect Master and Dafa.
For six years, I searched for the loophole in my cultivation that caused the sickness karma. I could not find it, so I became very afraid of the old forces. I continued to practice Falun Dafa because of the fear of being persecuted by the old forces.
Wasn't that like practicing Falun Dafa to cure one's disease? The sickness karma was caused by low level beings. If my whole cultivation was about breaking through those, how could I reach a higher level?
“One should not want anything, and neither should one pursue anything. A practitioner believes he should only focus on practicing, without paying attention to obtaining gong. In cultivation and practice one should be in a state free of intention. As long as you focus on cultivating your xinxing, you will make breakthroughs in your level and certainly get things you deserve. If you cannot give something up, isn’t it an attachment?” (Zhuan Falun)
When I dealt with everyday problems, I always searched for solutions like an everyday person. When everyday people look for jobs, they use their connections. When everyday people want their children's grades to improve, they hire tutors. When everyday people get sick, they go to a hospital or search for alternative treatments. Everyday people always rely on their own efforts to solve problems.
Master said, “... cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while transforming gong is done by one’s master.” (Zhuan Falun)
Cultivators follow the course of nature. Whatever difficulties we encounter, as long as we can let our attachments go and improve our xinxing, Master will solve all our problems. If we try to solve problems like an everyday person, those problems will just get worse and worse.
I tried to overcome the sickness karma by studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and clarifying the truth more often. That meant my motive was selfish, that I was using the Fa to help myself. So everything I did was just like an everyday person trying to solve a problem.
So I thought to myself, “How can I get rid of this pursuit?”
“The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“Drive Out Interference” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Master also said,
“With the interference of various messages and the distraction of various scenes, can you remain undisturbed?” (Zhuan Falun)
I will study the Fa with a pure heart to let it transform me into a higher realm. I will also seriously rectify my thoughts and actions in daily life to meet the requirements of a cultivator.
These are my limited understandings at my current level. Please correct me if there is anything inappropriate.