Eliminating My Competitiveness So I Can Save Others
(Minghui.org) My wife's classmate was coming to visit us during the Chinese New Year last year. He had been a reporter and editor for a daily newspaper before he retired.
I said to my wife, “We'll take this opportunity to clarify the facts to your classmate. Let's help him withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) so he can have a good future.”
“No matter what you say, say it nicely,” my wife replied, “don't stare and shout. That makes it seem like you are arguing.”
She was referring to my strong competitive mentality. Although I have practiced Dafa for 20 years, I had not gotten rid of it. It had severely interfered with my saving people. My wife tried to caution me beforehand.
Getting Into a Fight While Trying to Explain the Persecution
So he came to visit. After chatting with him a bit, I brought up the main topic, the facts about Falun Gong. I told him that the Tiananmen self-immolation was a hoax.
He listened to me at first. Then he began to ask me one question after another. I gave him information from the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party to answer him.
I tried my best to speak quietly, slow down, and patiently explain the details to him, but I found that it was getting harder for him to take in what I said. He asked, “Where did you get all this information?” I told him and showed him the different kinds of materials that I have on my computer.
He became very angry, which I did not expect. He asked, “Why don't you follow the mainstream media?”
I was getting upset as well. “You think your newspaper, TV, and radio stations are mainstream media?” I said, “To be honest, none of them are. They are the mouthpieces of the CCP! Do you have any idea how many lies have they fabricated to deceive and poison people?”
His hands were shaking, and he was scowling. I tried to calm him down by offering him some tea and snacks, but he suddenly began to yell at me and said many bad words about Falun Dafa and Teacher.
My wife kept telling me, “Stop talking. Just stop!”
I couldn't listen to her, as my anger had flared up. “You are defaming the Buddha Fa,” I told him. “Karma is going to get you!”
He became angrier: “How dare you curse me.”
“Good and evil are dealt with accordingly, and that is a law of heaven. Nobody is an exception,” I said.
Not only did I not manage to clarify the facts to him at all, but I also had gotten into a fight with him.
Because of my competitive mentality, my blood pressure went up. On top of that, I later had symptoms of heart problems, such as chest tightness, palpitations, and an irregular heartbeat. The doctor told me that I had the early symptoms of heart disease.
This really bothered me. Though I avoided taking medications, I couldn't focus on Fa-study or get up in time to do the morning exercises. And I ended up sleeping through the time to send forth righteous thoughts at midnight. My symptoms also became more serious.
Luckily, after we participated in an effort to bring Jiang Zemin (the former Communist leader who is responsible for the persecution of Falun Gong) to justice in 2015, we resumed our Fa-study group. I shared with other practitioners, and I spent more time studying the Fa. Gradually, I learned how to cultivate.
Looking Inward by Comparing Myself to the Requirements of the Fa
Actually, every time I had caused a problem while clarifying the truth, I regretted it very much. I often sat before Teacher's photo late at night with my hands in the Heshi position while repenting to Teacher.
After I finished sending forth righteous thoughts at midnight one night, I said to Teacher, “Teacher, your disciple is letting you down. Because of my competitive mentality, I can't clarify the facts to people well or save them. How can I possibly get rid of this attachment?”
I closed my eyes, put my hands in the Jieyin position and continued to sit there quietly. Gradually I entered into an empty state. Suddenly, I heard Teacher sigh and say, “Treat the Fa as the Teacher. It's not only your competitive mentality.”
I suddenly woke up. Looking up, Teacher looked quiet and serious sitting there in the photo.
Heeding Teacher’s hint, I started to dig out the root cause of this competitive mentality, as well as the roots of many other attachments.
Thinking back, I was born in 1950, one year after the CCP took over. I was brainwashed by the Party culture ever since. When the Cultural Revolution began, I had already graduated from junior high school and joined the Youth League. I had a lot of respect for Mao and his struggle philosophy. I voluntarily studied many works on communism.
When I was young, I considered myself a strong person. I earned many awards, and I encountered many setbacks. Every time I had a setback, I always drew upon Party culture to learn lessons from the setbacks. Because of that, I developed all kinds of attachments, such as selfishness, pursuing fame, hatred, vanity, a show-off mentality, fear, and many other problems. My competitive mentality was the most prominent.
After I dug out all these attachments, I thought to myself, “How could I be such a person? How far away am I from a practitioner's standards?”
I enlightened that all these attachments go hand in hand. I also realized that the Party's “heroic spirit” is led by a competitive mentality. Also, if a practitioner was not strong and held onto fear, the practitioner might end up doing things against his or her will.
We should completely eliminate our attachments.
I also realized that, when my competitive mentality surfaced, I forgot all about saving sentient beings. Teacher said: “Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy…” (“Rationality” in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Why I couldn't reach that standard? While looking inward for my attachments, I came to see that all of them were based on self-interest and my own ego. This is the opposite of what Teacher asks us to obtain when he talks about “...the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
Teacher said: “...the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments.” (Zhuan Falun)
Now I have a deeper understanding of it.
After Letting Go of Attachments, Tribulations Disappear
After I enlightened to these principles, I sent forth righteous thoughts before I went out to clarify the facts. I said, “I am a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple, and clarifying the facts to save lives is the prehistoric vow that I signed with the Creator. Whether it is a competitive mentality, a show-off mentality, an attachment to fear, or other attachments, I don't want any of them. The old forces should not take advantage of these shortcomings to interfere with me.”
In truth clarification, one needs to be light-hearted and relaxed to help other people open their hearts. We should let other people talk, which enables us to understand how to overcome their attachments.
They have different notions and beliefs, so we must be able to clarify the facts to them from different angles, as needed. For instance, I met a retiree who used to be a civic court judge. I asked him, “You were a judge. Can you help me understand the legal grounds for sentencing Falun Gong practitioners?”
“I was in charge of the civic court,” he replied. “I never dealt with Falun Gong cases.”
I said, “As far as I know, the CCP has four criteria to define a cult: it mentally manipulates its believers, it collects money, it is harmful to society, and it either fosters suicide or kills. None of these criteria apply to Falun Gong, but they all apply to the CCP.
“Falun Gong practitioners help people quit the CCP, so they are helping people stay away from this evil cult.”
Before I even finished, he said, “I quit! Please help both me and my wife quit.” His wife is a retired high school teacher. She was next to him, listening to our conversation. I asked her, “Do you agree to quit?”
She gladly said, “Sure, I do. Please help both of us.”
Another example is when people gather in front of our local CCP municipal committee and government building to appeal. The police dispatch vehicles to take them away, arrest them, or fine them. It is an ideal place for me to clarify the facts to people and help them quit the CCP.
With tears in their eyes, the people I meet there tell me about the suffering they have endured because of the CCP, and I always feel very sorry for them. I am then able to tell them how to quit the CCP. Every day there are people there who listen and make wise choices.
There are also some who still have hope for the CCP. When I run into such a person, I do not argue. Gradually, I have gained compassion when I talk to others.
This year during the Chinese New Year, we invited my wife's classmate to visit us again. This time when I clarified the facts to him, his attitude was very different. Before he left, he asked for a copy of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and a few other materials to take home to read.
In addition, the relationship between my wife and me has become much more harmonious. My high blood pressure and heart disease symptoms have disappeared. Because my wife witnessed how Dafa changed me for the better, she also has become more diligent.
I truly feel the extraordinary power of Dafa and the compassion brought about by my being able to look inward. I sense that, with the elimination of every attachment, one's life and xinxing are elevated, and the feeling of joy is palpable.
This is my experience in eliminating my competitive mentality. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.