Jealousy Nearly Destroyed My Cultivation
(Minghui.org) When I began cultivation last May, I was delighted and felt so fortunate. My heart was filled with gratitude and reverence towards Master and Dafa. Later I developed jealousy and a competitive mentality that caused me to have doubts, which led me to give up on cultivation.
But though I verbally claimed that I had left the ranks of Dafa disciples, my heart never truly gave up Dafa. My heart still longed for Dafa and deep down I knew that I must return.
Dragged Down by Jealousy
As a high school student, I had been struggling with my studies and examinations. I often read fellow practitioners’ articles on Minghui and had kept coming across articles where young practitioners reported that their academics improved after they took up Dafa cultivation. Whenever I read these articles, I felt uneasy.
This attachment to jealousy grew and grew and I had no idea how to eliminate it. Whenever it surfaced, it was extremely difficult to suppress it. Because of this strong attachment, I witnessed a huge downslide in my cultivation.
I cried almost every day, complaining in my heart that Master had abandoned me, that he never helped me and so on. I soon quit cultivation.
Miserable without the Fa
The whole experience of quitting cultivation was agonizing. My main consciousness wasn’t strong and I wasn’t being rational. I indulged in the ordinary world. I became a typical modern teenager, listening to rock music, wearing modern people’s skimpy clothing. I became arrogant and selfish. I easily lost my temper and my ego flared up.
Though I acted like I was happy on the surface, I was in pain on the inside. None of the ordinary people’s fascinations gave me true joy. It was Dafa that gave me a sense of true happiness and made my life more meaningful.
Obstacles Fail to Prevent My Return
There were many times when I felt that I just couldn’t go on like this anymore, and I wanted to return. However, the old forces made the circumstances difficult, caused me to become increasingly busy and pulled me back.
They exploited my lack of righteous thoughts, my wavering resolve to cultivate and my attachment to sleep to hold me back from studying the Fa. I always felt that a demon was interfering with me, preventing me from studying the Fa. Without regular Fa study and being constantly contaminated by ordinary human society, I slid back further and further.
Recently, I came across a passage from the Fa.
“It’s difficult to practice cultivation, yet very easy to fail. When a person fails a test or can’t let go of a strong human attachment, he might reverse himself or go to the opposite side. There are too many examples in history. Only after having fallen down will a person begin to regret, yet then it’s too late.” (“Dafa Can Never be Plagiarized”)
Reading these words, I had a deeper understanding of the seriousness of cultivation.
As I write this article, I wish to expose all the attachments that caused my downfall so that they can be eliminated. I will resume diligent cultivation and quickly make up for my mistakes.
Category: Returning to Cultivation