My Husband Changed When I Changed My Notions
(Minghui.org) Ever since I started cultivating, I have stumbled through many xinxing tests related to my husband. Upon looking inward, I found that I had turned my nose up at him, held grievances against him, and held on to a fighting mentality. Even though I eliminated many of these attachments, I always felt they hadn't been completely removed at the root. When facing these tests, I didn't completely pass them. I regret having cultivated myself rather poorly over the past 20 years.
I was reciting the following paragraph of the Fa one day when I was deeply touched.
“Your xinxing cultivation has already made progress if, for instance, when someone swears at you among everyday people, you do not say a word and feel very calm; or when someone throws a fist at you, you do not say a word and let it go with a smile. Your xinxing level is already very high.” (Zhuan Falun)
I have read through this passage in the past and thought, “I won't say a word, and I will let it go with a smile if someone swears at me or throws a fist at me.”
I have run into people who berated me when I tried to clarify facts to them and I didn't feel disturbed by their words. When I refused to be converted in the brainwashing center, I was verbally abused on a daily basis, but ignored it. When facing conflicts with practitioners and my husband, I realized that I had failed to follow Master's words, especially when my husband yelled at me and hurt my feelings–I had failed almost every time! I always argued. Though sometimes I didn't say anything, I still felt he was treating me unfairly. I was surprised to find that I hadn't measured my behavior against the Fa, even though I had studied this paragraph so many times!
Master has told us,
“Remember, what is for human beings conventional wisdom is inverted.” (“Teaching the Fa in Canada, 2006” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference VII)
I had been judging right and wrong using conventional human wisdom—I wasn’t thinking like a cultivator. I was essentially an everyday person. I had failed to improve myself, at least in this respect. Since I was walking on a path leading to the divine, shouldn't I have stepped away from my ordinary human notions? Being on the road to enlightenment, should I be arguing with everyday people?
After gaining a clear understanding of the Fa, I changed my notions and my attitude towards conflicts. I started by remaining silent when others blamed me for things. I felt a little uneasy at first, but I became more and more calm.
I went to visit a couple of practitioners one afternoon. One of them had been dwelling in a sickness karma test for a long time. In tears, she described her difficulties overcoming the test. I had a discussion with her and shared my understanding. I sent forth righteous thoughts with her at 6:00 p.m., before I left.
It was almost 7:00 p.m. by the time I got home. My husband stared at me and then scolded me for coming home too late. He said I was ignoring my family, and threatened me with divorce. He even called my mother and asked her to discipline me. My mother is in her eighties and has high blood pressure. She had been on her nerves end because of the persecution her children had been through. As soon as my husband hang up, my mother called my two sisters, and said, “You big sister is in trouble again! What shall we do?” My whole family panicked. They called me to find out what had happened. They were relieved to know I was fine, and hurriedly called my mother back to comfort her.
After all the calls, I finally sat down and listened to my husband's yelling. I was surprisingly calm facing his rage. Not a single word of argument or self-explanation escaped my lips. I treated myself as a true cultivator, and listened to him silently. I looked inward as I listened. “Yes, it's my fault,” I thought, “His rage is because he has had to worry about me too much. I should have given him a call. I don't carry a phone, but I could have borrowed the practitioner's phone to call him. Why didn't I think of that? Master has told us to be considerate of others, but I rarely thought of him in my mind, and always thought he should support what I did to validate the Fa. I never put myself in his shoes.”
Master has warned us,
“But the reality is, each Dafa disciple's life has been tightly wed to, like links in a chain, his cultivation.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference IX)
I've been a careless person in my life, and never thought of minor things as important, or regarded these minor details as parts of my cultivation. My husband, however, often yells at me for minor things, like forgetting to turn off the bathroom light, spilling water on the floor, or dropping rice on the table. I had always blamed him for not behaving like a man and even looked down upon him. I now realized that Master was warning me to cultivate myself regarding these minor things in life, using my husband's words! I should have thanked my husband!
Recalling all my mistakes from the past, I sincerely apologized to my husband. I said, “It's all my fault. I didn't consider your feelings. You worried about me. I will certainly call you the next time I have to come home late. Don't be mad anymore! I promise!” My husband calmed down. Seeing that he was no longer angry, I said to him, “I went to see the practitioner who had helped us before. She has been suffering sickness karma, so I spent a longer time with her.” My husband didn't say a word.
The next morning, he apologized to me as soon as he got up. He felt sorry for venting his anger at me, and for calling my elderly mother and making her anxious. He asked me to call my mother right away and allow him apologize. I said, “It's fine. It was my fault. I have learned my lesson. I have to be considerate of others no matter what I do and never forget to cultivate myself.” My husband nonetheless called my mother to apologize to her.
My husband has changed since then. He stopped complaining even if I came home late, and he often takes the initiative to do housework. I also do my best to get home on time to cook dinner.
A local practitioner was arrested once for distributing flyers that exposed the persecution. We planned to go to rescue her. I wouldn't be able to return home by noon. For the first time, I asked my husband's opinion about going out to help rescue this practitioner. I said, “If I go, I won't be able to make lunch for you. If you don't want me to go, I can stay home and do another project.” He was touched to see that I respected him and asked for his opinion. He told me decisively, “You must go. Think about how hard your fellow practitioners worked to rescue you when you were arrested! They contributed whatever they could afford in time, effort, and money. They hired an attorney and rescued you as if you were their family member. I was very touched. Now your fellow practitioner has been arrested. How can you not go? I would like to go with you. I'm familiar with the way there. I will drive for you.” I was so happily surprised! His reply was well beyond my expectations. I replied, “Great! The practitioner who was planning to drive is a new driver. He actually doesn't know how to get there. We were worried about his driving! You can lead his car tomorrow!”
We were both overjoyed. It was a feeling we had never experienced before. My husband always used to insist on doing things opposite to the way I proposed. He has changed so much after that passage of Fa helped changed my notions. The positive change in our relationship has testified to the power of Falun Dafa. I experienced the joy and wonder of cultivation! It gave me stronger faith in Master and the Fa, and more confidence to cultivate to altruism. I used to be think it was too far to reach, but now I know how to reach such a realm.
As Master has told us,
“Be considerate of others when you do things, and look at yourself when you get into disagreements.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference IX)