Everything Improved After I Managed to Look Inward
(Minghui.org) I read articles on the Minghui website about practitioners who have practiced for only a few years, yet they have regularly looked inward and elevated their xinxing. Although I have practiced for 20 years, I hardly looked within, nor had I been clear about how to effectively do so.
I fell asleep while studying the Fa and had a hard time keeping my palm erect while sending forth righteous thoughts. My cultivation state was up and down. I was worried to the point of feeling hopeless. I then decided to look inward to improve my cultivation state.
I started by examining my faith in Master and Dafa. For a long time, I never had any doubt. For example, I went to Beijing to appeal to the central government for justice for Falun Gong, and I was persecuted and imprisoned as a result. When my husband saw that I wouldn't give up cultivation, he couldn't tolerate the persecution and almost divorced me.
While looking within, I was baffled: My life is completely arranged around doing the three things. So why was I being persecuted? Then I realized that I thought of my doing the three things as my belief in Master and Dafa. However, deep down, my efforts were based on validating myself and bolstering my ego.
“What is true faith? You’re merely saying with your mouth that you have faith, but in your heart you don’t actually have faith. Why do I say that? Because when you truly have faith your actions match your words.” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Europe)
Then I began to realize that my feeling “hopeless” also came down to my not truly believing in Master and Dafa, as my thoughts and actions were not up to par. I was thinking about my elevation; however, I wasn't very faithful, respectful or grateful towards Master and Dafa. My actions were not based on the Fa. Therefore, when I studied Falun Dafa books, I was often overcome with drowsiness. I wasn’t immersed in the Fa, nor assimilated to Dafa.
When I began to look inward for the characteristic of the old cosmos, which is selfishness, I realized that I hadn't let go of my fundamental attachments. I didn't pay attention to others' feelings, but only to myself. I treated my own pursuits as the top priority. I was only pursuing my own mighty virtue for my own consummation. How could I possibly assimilate to the Fa with that kind of selfish heart?
“Question: Why do some people always misunderstand the Fa or understand the Fa in an extreme way?
Teacher: It’s actually very simple. It’s nothing but a question of what the starting point of a person’s thinking is. That is, when you want to understand the Fa, what’s the basis of your thinking and what’s your vantage point?” (Teaching the Fa at the Assistants’ Fa Conference in Changchun)
“I also want to tell you that your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness. From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
I realized that I should let go of my selfishness and base my thinking on the needs of others. When it comes to saving sentient beings, I have to be selfless and altruistic and cultivate myself well.
This is what I tried to do: Use my heart to clarify the facts to others, rather than pursue how many people I helped to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its youth organizations, so as to not develop any zealotry and show-off mentality. When I found myself in a conflict with other practitioners, I remembered Master’s words:
“He's right,And I'm wrong,What's to dispute?”(“Who's right, who's wrong” in Hong Yin III)Sometimes when another practitioner had a misunderstanding about me, I realized that it was an arrangement to help me improve. When I had conflicts with my husband, I remembered Master's words:
“As a cultivator,One always looks for one's own faults”(“Who's right, who's wrong” in Hong Yin III)
When my husband began to curse me, I didn't take it to heart. I knew that he did not have an easy life, as he was affected by the persecution. I should thank him for what he has done for me. He later apologized.
One time when I was clarifying the facts with another practitioner, I was just about to talk about quitting the CCP, and she suddenly cut in and asked the person which CCP organizations she belonged to. Then she became the one who helped that person withdraw from the CCP. Her reasoning was that we are one body, so it didn't matter who helped that person quit.
Over time, I developed a dislike of working with her and began to argue with her. In order to insure that I was the one who helped people quit, I monopolized the conversation when talking to others. After looking inward, I found my attachments to loss and gain, resentment, competition and jealousy. After I eliminated those flaws, I stopped disliking her.
Whenever I then met people who had fewer notions, I'd let her talk to them about quitting the CCP so she could have a sense of accomplishment. I also paid attention to the surrounding environment while she was talking to people and strengthened her with my righteous thoughts. Now she is doing very well and has helped a few other practitioners step forward to clarify the facts with her.
When I was talking to people about Dafa with another practitioner, her fear flared up for two days. I didn't help her strengthen her righteous thoughts, but instead yelled at her: “What are you afraid of?”
She didn't get upset, but instead promised me that she would not be afraid anymore. Sure enough, she got over her fear after talking to just one person about the truth of Falun Gong. After that, I realized that I had an attachment to looking down on others, I was still competitive, and I wasn't kind to others. I should at least respect her because she is older. I apologized to her and silently to Master. It turned out that she hadn’t even taken my rudeness to heart. What a wonderful practitioner!
The efforts to save others improved as my xinxing improved. After a while, we also seemed to have formed a healthier circle. Through this process, I became more peaceful and more tolerant of others; and I want to do things for others rather than just myself.
On my cultivation path, because of my poor enlightenment quality, Master has put a lot of effort into helping me. Though I have never seen Master in person, I always feel that He is by my side to protect and enlighten me. Thank you Master for having me as your disciple. I feel truly honored walking on the path towards godhood and to assist Master in saving lives during Fa-rectification.