Finding My Faults When Family Problems Arise
(Minghui.org) Ever since I started practicing Falun Dafa, I have known that I should look within when conflicts arise, cultivate myself and improve my moral character. However, when problems surfaced and several people were involved, I didn't know what to do or how to look within for my attachments.
Problems surface quite frequently in our daily interactions with friends, family, coworkers, and neighbors. Who is right and who is wrong? Most people usually just agree with others who have the same views and argue with others.
For practitioners, however, when problems surface, I believe we are always in the wrong. In other words, when a problem arises, we need to look inside to resolve the problem.
Resolution of Conflict with Daughter-in-law
I got up to make breakfast one morning. I figured everybody was probably tired of eating rice porridge every morning, so I decided to make something different. I found several packages of dumplings in the refrigerator, so I boiled them and put them on the table. My son was up and started eating. He invited me to join him, but I decided to wait and eat with my daughter-in-law and grandchildren.
Soon, my daughter-in-law was up, too. As soon as she saw the dumplings, she blew up and yelled at me, "Who told you to cook the dumplings? Those are lamb dumplings that I saved for the children!"
I thought, "The dumplings have been in the refrigerator for a long time. I cooked them with good intentions and didn't do it for myself, so why is she finding fault with me?" I felt like crying.
I said, "Alright. I will buy lamb and make more dumplings later. This is my fault." However, the tone of my voice was tainted with passive-aggression.
My son said loudly, "Mom, it's not your fault."
My daughter-in-law replied, "Then it's my fault?"
I wanted to say something, but my son harshly stopped me, "Mom, please don't say anything!" He then picked up a bowl of dumplings and threw it on the floor. Everyone became silent.
I calmed down and asked myself: "Aren't you a practitioner? Shouldn't you have a higher standard? Why are you upset with her? You are a practitioner, so isn't this an opportunity to improve your moral character? I should thank my daughter-in-law for creating an opportunity for me to improve."
I cleaned up the mess on the floor. My son was lying in bed feeling upset, and my daughter-in-law looked very hurt. I repeatedly called them to breakfast, but neither of them responded. I ate breakfast by myself. When I was done, my daughter-in-law said to me, "Mom, let's have a talk.
"It's my fault today. I shouldn't have yelled at you," she said. Then she shared her feelings about several other incidents that had happened between us. In my opinion, those misunderstandings had been caused by her being sensitive and suspicious, but since I am a practitioner, I did not justify myself.
Indeed, when we have conflicts with others, we should immediately realize that practitioners are different and should not vie with them to identify who is right and who is wrong. In my understanding, we must look within unconditionally as if the conflict was our fault, and only by doing so can we improve ourselves and cultivate well. I wholeheartedly thanked my daughter-in-law for having created the opportunity for me to improve.
Apologizing Ends a Conflict
My grandson once said he wanted to eat corn on the cob. It was late fall and hard to find a street vendor who still had any. While making lunch, I saw a few cobs in the freezer, so without thinking about it, I cooked one for my grandson. At lunch, my daughter-in-law was upset and said, "I was saving the corn for winter--why did you cook it?"
I realized that as a practitioner I should look inside. So I kindly said, "I'm sorry for not having asked you first. Your son wanted to eat corn, but I couldn't find it for sale, so I took one from the freezer. I'll buy a few next time I go shopping." She became quiet. Two days later, I saw someone on the street selling corn and bought 20 cobs.
Being Considerate and Thinking Positively
My granddaughter was once sitting and pondering, with her hand supporting her chin. Her mother and I called her for dinner, but she didn't respond. When we called her again, she suddenly raised her head and said to her mother, "Mom. I don't want you to talk about grandma behind her back. You talked about her at one house; when you went to another house, you talked about her again. You talk about grandma to whomever you run into."
Her mom blushed, "What did I say about your grandma?"
She said, "I don't remember what you said about her, but you gossiped about her to everyone you ran into."
Seeing my daughter-in-law embarrassed, I smiled and said to my granddaughter, "Your mom didn't say anything bad about grandma. Perhaps people were asking your mom how your grandma was doing, and your mom answered them." In this way, I gave my daughter-in-law an out.
One day, my granddaughter came back from her maternal grandma and said, "Grandma, my other granny was cursing you."
I smiled and said: "It's impossible for your granny to curse me. You must have heard wrong." In this way, the incident was smoothed over and resolved.
Now, whenever I run into these kinds of situations, I conduct myself like a practitioner, and I follow Master's teachings. I will not let Dafa or Master down.
Life Becomes Harmonious
In time, my son and daughter-in-law changed a lot, conflicts and problems became fewer, and our house became harmonious. This change was due to Dafa's mighty power and the result of Master's merciful teachings.
Looking back and thinking about it, I have come to understand that when problems arise and conflicts surface, I must immediately and unconditionally look within to find my faults. Problems will then be easy to solve. This is something that we as practitioners must be able to do.