My Cultivation Journey
(Minghui.org) Before I became a Falun Dafa cultivator, I often had ailments and always looked tired. After my twins were born I had dermatitis on my hands and suffered from edema for many years, so my shoes and clothes didn’t fit right from one day to the next.
My parents took me to see a Chinese doctor, and I was on herbal medication but that didn’t cure my problems. However, after I became a Falun Dafa cultivator in 2005 and started learning the five exercises, my ailments slowly disappeared.
Karmic Tests and Righteous Thoughts
I went through a long tribulation in May 2013. Sickness karma interfered with my saving sentient beings for almost 3 years. I’ve enlightened that these were karmic tests, and the fact that I lacked righteous thoughts and did not remain steadfast in my cultivation opened up loopholes for the evil to exploit.
I was getting ready for work when suddenly I had this incredibly giddy spell. Everything looked remote and I feared the worst. I was experiencing severe internal bleeding. I could not leave the house, so I telephoned my manager to inform him that I was “ill.” By admitting that I was “ill,” was I not opening myself up to demonic interference?
“As a practitioner, if you always think that it is an illness, you are actually asking for it. If you ask for an illness, it will come inside your body. As a practitioner, your Xinxing level should be high. You should not always worry that it is an illness, for this fear of illness is an attachment and it can bring you trouble just the same.” (Zhuan Falun)
As the days passed, I got so weak I couldn’t get out of bed, study the Fa, or do the exercises. Excruciating pains started piercing every part of my body. I was being tormented by the evil so badly that I felt I could not last another day. I couldn’t eat, and I cried until I was exhausted before falling asleep each night. I could not tell my daughters of the ordeal I was going through, knowing they would come home immediately and take me to the hospital. My husband and a few practitioners sent righteous thoughts for me and encouraged me to deny the old forces' interference and believe in Master and the Fa.
I had to get rid of the notion that I was sick. I managed to break through the predicament, deny the evil interference, and attend the May 13th event in London. My husband accompanied me and only helped me when I needed it. I looked ghostly and was shivering. Not a tiny bit of color showed on my face or nails. Every step of the journey was strenuous.
When I reached the event location, two practitioners said that I looked grey. I tried to do the exercises but didn’t have the strength. As I was standing close to the exercise demonstration, a practitioner commented that it might give ordinary people a bad impression as I looked ill.
I lost confidence immediately and wanted to hide. After sharing with my husband, he asked me to help out with teaching kids to make paper lotus flowers. I felt the sunshine on my face and the atmosphere was filled with strong energy.
There were 5 days to go before I left for New York to attend the Fa conference. I reminded myself of Master’s teaching on doing the three things well. I tried to complete the exercises each day, even though it was hard to endure. I was sweating at the end of each one; it felt like water was pouring from my forehead and dripping from my fingertips. I was out of breath at each movement but still determined not let the evil persecute me.
On the day we traveled to New York, I had the strangest feeling at the airport. Everything still appeared remote and the pain got so bad I was tearful. My husband sent righteous thoughts with me. Just before boarding the plane, I saw other practitioners would be on the same plane. A gust of wind blew over my head. I suddenly became clearheaded. Although I still had the internal pains, the bleeding stopped and I was able to eat without difficulty. Master had purified my body.
Taking Part in Shen Yun Promotion
I noticed that the excruciating internal pains and vomiting I had always surfaced when it was time to promote Shen Yun. This was evil interference stopping me from saving sentient beings. However, I denied the interference and stayed active during the promotion period, either by doing leafleting or promotion in shopping centers.
When I was delivering leaflets door to door, I seemed to have a lot of stamina. Sometimes I smiled to myself that the walking was good practice for being a marching band member. I sent righteous thoughts, hoping the owner of the house would be outside in their front garden so that I could speak with them face-to-face.
On one occasion I met a lady in her front garden potting plants. I didn’t talk about Shen Yun straight away; instead our conversation was about the plants or her garden. She was chatting away so enthusiastically, then stopped and asked what brought me there. I introduced Shen Yun to her. She was so happy that she invited me into her house so that she could see the trailer again and also talk about her granddaughter who loved dancing and music.
On another occasion, the owner of the house was in his garage engrossed in measuring a piece of wood. I didn’t disturb him but indicated that I would like to put the brochure through his front door. On the way out I wondered what I could do to draw his attention so I could tell him about Shen Yun personally. I knew Westerners liked to talk about the weather, so that could be the topic. He soon came out of his garage and talked about the weather that day and the forecast for the coming week. Later he asked me what brought me there, so I was able to introduce Shen Yun to him.
Could I honestly call myself a true cultivator when I didn’t do the three things well? What were my attachments that I could not let go of? Looking within I found I had the attachment to fame and reputation in my ordinary work, and I decided to apply for early retirement so I could have more time for Dafa work. However, I was turned down. Feeling unhappy over the rejection was also an attachment.
Arriving in New York for the Fa conference, I got a call from my manager that the human resources department had made a mistake, that my application for early retirement had been approved while he was away on holiday. I was quite happy about this mistake, even though my departure from the company was postponed for five months.
Early this year I had three accidents where I slipped within three months. Looking within, I had the attachments of laziness and comfort. I was not able to get up early in the morning to send righteous thoughts, and, when I did manage to, I fell asleep during righteous thoughts. This was a serious issue, and the old forces took advantage of it.
The first accident was that I slipped as I finished taking a bath. Somehow I was sure that my head was going to hit the taps, which could have been disastrous. However, I slammed into the tile wall instead. I fell back into the tub from the force of the impact. I was neither shaken nor hurt by the accident. I only had the feeling of being “woken up” as a result. I enlightened that this was a wakeup call for me to be steadfast in my cultivation and to do the three things well.
A month later, the second accident happened. As I was carrying food out to the dining room for dinner, I unknowingly spilled some gravy on the laminated floor. As I came out to the dining room again, I slipped on the patch of gravy. My whole body crashed to the floor, along with the bowls of rice and chopsticks. There was rice all over the place, broken bowls and chopsticks. There were a few spots of blood on the floor. My husband told me not to move as he didn’t know what state I was in.
Without taking any notice of what he said, I exploded and accused him of not drying the floor after he'd cleaned it, thereby causing me to slip. Still, my husband said not to move as he needed to check me out to make sure I was not hurt. Thoroughly angry at having slipped, I continued to blame him for the accident.
Knowing that I wasn’t listening and just wanted to blame him, he knew I wasn’t hurt after all. So he told me to look at the patch where I slipped, to see if it was water or gravy. It was indeed gravy. With a slight cut on my ear and my mouth bruised, I looked inward and enlightened that this was my second wakeup call.
The third accident was when I was at the car service shop, which was being refurbished. To get to the toilet I had to walk through the area where the work was being done. There was nothing on the floor that would have caused me to trip or slip, but somehow I managed to trip three times and eventually fell and slid quite a distance on the floor before coming to a halt. I wasn’t hurt at all but very annoyed at what happened. I again tried to put the blame on others.
Master saved me from the sickness karma that I had previously. How could I relax and take things for granted? I’d vowed to improve and take the early morning righteous thoughts seriously, yet I continued to fall asleep when I did. I said I’d do it but in reality I didn’t. I’ve enlightened that this was a hint from Master that I have slipped a long way. I need to get back to the diligent state of cultivating, with righteous thoughts and righteous actions and saving sentient beings.
In recent days, whenever I open the book Zhuan Falun, it’s no coincidence that it falls open to the section on “Improving Xinxing.” Master is hinting to me to be diligent in my cultivation and walk the path well.
Thank you, Master!Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2017 European Fa Conference)