How Can I Maintain a Good Marriage?
(Minghui.org) Not long after I was married, my husband's behavior caused me headaches. I saw that he was lazy, did not take care of his appearance, and did not like to do chores.
He usually worked from home, but spent most of his spare time on the Internet watching videos and playing games. He also slept a lot. He never voluntarily did any housework, and he was so lazy that he didn’t keep himself clean. By contrast, I had go to work early in the morning and worked long hours.
I felt bad about his lack of self control, but being a Falun Dafa cultivator, I felt I had to tolerate his behavior.
He said he would change his bad habits, yet he became even lazier as time went on. I lost patience and even quarreled with him on a few occasions.
Many of my attachments were exposed during these conflicts. I looked within and thought through my shortcomings. I felt shame and regret each time after arguing with him. He also saw his shortcomings after I apologized to him, so our relationship was not seriously impacted by the quarrels.
Although the problems between us were resolved every time that I identified how I contributed to the conflicts, the notion of not respecting my husband was not removed. I still thought that he wasted his time, was not ambitious, was selfish, was lazy, and had no redeeming qualities at all.
All in all, I looked down on him.
I knew this attitude was not right and that I was in a state that a cultivator should not be in. Such thinking could eventually destroy our marriage. I tried to eliminate this notion every day, but whenever I saw his behavior, the thought returned.
Master told us:
“All of the future beings will be selfless, while the beings of the past were selfish. (Applause) Some beings have no regard for others as they pursue the things they want, and that has been demonstrated in this world thoroughly. For the sake of proving a point or to save face, some people in the world go to any length to harm others and never consider others' welfare. Some people's selfishness surfaces in a very vicious way—some of them deliberately seek out people to push around and always look down on others. Who gave them the right to do that? Nobody. You shouldn't be like that, nobody that cultivates in Dafa should be like that.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York”)
Until I read Master’s Fa, I realized that the reason for looking down on my husband was my selfishness—the attachment to myself. I had already formed a bad habit, and therefore, could not detect it.
I used my standards to measure him and saw only that he was lazy, liked to do whatever he wanted, and did not want to be a capable, good person. I hoped he would do more household chores because I didn't want to put in more time and effort working to keep our home running. I felt let down when he wasted his time every day obsessed with Internet, social media sites, and playing games.
I was applying high requirements for him due to my narrow mind. As such, I didn't fully respect him.
I know many things and countless lives exist in this cosmos with different or even opposite natures. Yet the cosmos still holds them all. Our compassionate and benevolent Master did not look down upon me, even though I was not a diligent disciple. He is truly selfless.
I kept looking within and found that although I was tolerating my husband, it was not the tolerance of a true cultivator. I was doing it because, as a cultivator, I had to tolerate him.
“To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?” From Essentials for Further Advancement)
After I discovered I had attachments and selfishness, the knowledge enabled me to stop looking down on my husband. Later, we no longer had conflicts about our family situation.
I let him do what he liked to do in order to show my respect to him. He did not like to do household chores, so I would do more of them without complaint or the feeling that I was wronged.
Master told us:
“Let joy be found in hardship.Physical pains count little as suffering,” (“Tempering the Will” From Hong Yin)
I began to know how to be a better person in accordance with Dafa's principles, and then our marriage became more harmonious.
Many people were amazed at the changes in us. I told them that it was thanks to Dafa, and that it was Dafa which had enlarged my mind, made me realize profound principles, and made me a better person.
As Master said:
“When Dafa cultivators find selfishness in themselves, they should gradually work to overcome it. Becoming aware of it means that you have taken another step forward in cultivation, because a non-practitioner can't become aware of it and it doesn't occur to him to think about whether he is selfish. Only cultivators make a practice of examining themselves and looking within.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York”)
I have personally experienced that Falun Dafa is a righteous way. It has benefited our society in countless ways. Dafa enables people to have healthy bodies, noble personalities, and harmonious families. It has also brought about improved relationships among people.